So I know my mother's behavior is unacceptable, but I just don't know how far I should take my anger. I hate to cut her off completely, but I feel were fast approaching that.
Back story, my mom and I are like oil and water. I moved out when I turned 18 while still in high school. I'm now 33, and we've had our rough years, but somehow we've been mostly on OK terms since my daughter was born, 4.5 years ago.
We live in California, moved here 2 years ago from Texas. A huge chunk of the reason we moved was to get away from the situation with my mom. She had moved 5min away right before dd was born so she could watch her while I was at work. I had my issues with this arrangement, but I felt it was best for my daughter, so I dealt. But as soon as the option to move, where I could SAH, we took it.
So now, our parents come visit 2-4 times a year, always staying at our house over 2 weeks at a time. The current issue is because of my mom's current visit. Dd is very bright, very sweet, very much GranJans girl. They have a good rapor because my mom watched her for 2 years. Now we have our little man, AJ, who is 14mo. Here lies the source of the angst. All I have heard this whole trip is how my mother doesn't want to be around my son. She doesn't talk to him, play with him, or engage with him in any manner. Sure, she tried at first, but it rapidly degraded. She says he is too loud, doesnt listen, and she doesn't want to hear screaming. He can be a very difficult child, he isn't verbal and is very active and gets easily frustrated, but he is extremely happy, smily and overall all a treasure (as most are). He often tries to engage her by walking over to her and she all but ignores him. Her answer to his yelling is to give him ugly looks and ignore him (fair enough), or grab his arm, pop his hand, etc. I let her know this behavior will not be tolerated so of course I'm 'spoiling him'. I know I'm the mom, but seriously, he's a baby. He isn't acting 'ideal' but seems pretty typical of the age. While out and about, he gets tons of positive attention, he LOVES people, and if I see he's disturbing others, I take him out. Not exactly the crisis she acts like it is.
So the last day she's decided she will wear ear plugs. Yes, all day. This coming from a woman who in the week she's been here, has not lifted a finger to help with him. She helps with my daughter on a limited basis, as long as my daughter is being 'good' and listening to her liking (earlier today she said my children werent listening so I needed to deal with them, because my dd wasn't picking out her clothes fast enough. She's 4.). Sorry, tangent.... So. Earplugs. All day. Even when he's not yelling, so just on the off chance he does, she isn't inconvenienced.
Earlier we left for the library and yes, baby didn't want to be strapped in the car seat. He quieted down the moment I started the car. I tried talking to my mom, she couldn't hear me cause of the damn ear plugs. I said take them out or I wasn't going anywhere. She said she'd walk, I said unless she took the damn things out I wasn't going to the library. Eventually she got in the car, without the earplugs... After storytime we left and back in went the earplugs, even though my ds made not one sound... After some yelling (I don't just sit and passively allow any of her behavior), I told her she wasnt going to be allowed back here to visit. Her response was she wasnt planning on coming back. My response was then that she's working on being asked to leave this visit.
I'm very forgiving. I find myself totorating and justifying her behavior... So I need you ladies to tell it to me like it is. Sorry so long, its hard to get a whole lifetime dynamic in just one post!!!
Back story, my mom and I are like oil and water. I moved out when I turned 18 while still in high school. I'm now 33, and we've had our rough years, but somehow we've been mostly on OK terms since my daughter was born, 4.5 years ago.
We live in California, moved here 2 years ago from Texas. A huge chunk of the reason we moved was to get away from the situation with my mom. She had moved 5min away right before dd was born so she could watch her while I was at work. I had my issues with this arrangement, but I felt it was best for my daughter, so I dealt. But as soon as the option to move, where I could SAH, we took it.
So now, our parents come visit 2-4 times a year, always staying at our house over 2 weeks at a time. The current issue is because of my mom's current visit. Dd is very bright, very sweet, very much GranJans girl. They have a good rapor because my mom watched her for 2 years. Now we have our little man, AJ, who is 14mo. Here lies the source of the angst. All I have heard this whole trip is how my mother doesn't want to be around my son. She doesn't talk to him, play with him, or engage with him in any manner. Sure, she tried at first, but it rapidly degraded. She says he is too loud, doesnt listen, and she doesn't want to hear screaming. He can be a very difficult child, he isn't verbal and is very active and gets easily frustrated, but he is extremely happy, smily and overall all a treasure (as most are). He often tries to engage her by walking over to her and she all but ignores him. Her answer to his yelling is to give him ugly looks and ignore him (fair enough), or grab his arm, pop his hand, etc. I let her know this behavior will not be tolerated so of course I'm 'spoiling him'. I know I'm the mom, but seriously, he's a baby. He isn't acting 'ideal' but seems pretty typical of the age. While out and about, he gets tons of positive attention, he LOVES people, and if I see he's disturbing others, I take him out. Not exactly the crisis she acts like it is.
So the last day she's decided she will wear ear plugs. Yes, all day. This coming from a woman who in the week she's been here, has not lifted a finger to help with him. She helps with my daughter on a limited basis, as long as my daughter is being 'good' and listening to her liking (earlier today she said my children werent listening so I needed to deal with them, because my dd wasn't picking out her clothes fast enough. She's 4.). Sorry, tangent.... So. Earplugs. All day. Even when he's not yelling, so just on the off chance he does, she isn't inconvenienced.
Earlier we left for the library and yes, baby didn't want to be strapped in the car seat. He quieted down the moment I started the car. I tried talking to my mom, she couldn't hear me cause of the damn ear plugs. I said take them out or I wasn't going anywhere. She said she'd walk, I said unless she took the damn things out I wasn't going to the library. Eventually she got in the car, without the earplugs... After storytime we left and back in went the earplugs, even though my ds made not one sound... After some yelling (I don't just sit and passively allow any of her behavior), I told her she wasnt going to be allowed back here to visit. Her response was she wasnt planning on coming back. My response was then that she's working on being asked to leave this visit.
I'm very forgiving. I find myself totorating and justifying her behavior... So I need you ladies to tell it to me like it is. Sorry so long, its hard to get a whole lifetime dynamic in just one post!!!