Some background:
For 10 plus years (long before I was married) my family would spend Thanksgiving with my mom's sister's family. It was a tradition we all enjoyed. Over the past few years some drama has come up involving my grandparents bailing on my mom multiple times for holidays they said they'd spend with her, only to decide at the last minute they were going to my aunt's instead. My mom got fed up with this and last year said she was just going to do thanksgiving with her immediate family (aka, my siblings, parents, DH and I). Thing is, the rest of us really missed the tradition of getting to do the holiday with my aunt, uncle and cousins. I don't get to see them a whole lot and DH and I both decided this year we would really love to do thanksgiving with them, regardless of what immediate family is doing.
My question is, how do I approach this with my mom? I don't want to cause her undue hurt by abandoning her to do thanksgiving elsewhere, but DH and I are also are own family now and feel we shouldn't be required to spend the holiday somewhere we don't want to. We see a lot of my immediate family these days and whether they decide to go to aunt's or not, we really want to go there ourselves. Honestly if I told my mom we would be spending the holiday with DH's extended family (which is also a possibilty at this point) I don't think she would be upset. A little bummed to not have us there, but not upset. Maybe we should just spend it with DH family to avoid the conflict. I don't know. I don't want to cause undue hurt but want us to be able to make our own decision here. Thoughts?
EDIT:To clarify, my main cause for concern is I don't want to be that jerk of a daughter who says "Hey mom, you know how your parents are always bailing on you to go to your sister's for holidays? Well now your daughter is also going to a holiday at that same sister's". I just want to be considerate of the fact that there's already some hurt there.
