My in-laws are basically ITO. They've written us off and we haven't made any effort to chase them. For Halloween, they sent lo, who is 7 months old, a card and $20. We put the money in the piggy bank and "thanked" them for the card via text.
I know they'll send money for Thanksgiving and probably gifts for Christmas. I'm not interested in our kids knowing them as the "Grandparents who send us a bunch of stuff". I don't want the in-laws to treat us poorly and yet try to buy off our kids.
My and dh's birthdays are coming up too. We normally get a couple hundred for our birthdays and a couple thousand for Christmas (in-laws received inheritance money a few years ago). They've already thrown the fact that they've given us GIFT money in our faces, so I don't want to accept the money. They know this and told us that we don't get anymore "charity" from them.
Questions/Advice/What-have-you-done
1) If we get gifts for lo, should we basically say "Thank you for the gifts, but since you are not interested in a relationship with our family, please do not send us gifts. Would you like us to send them back or donate them?" I want to be polite, but firm.
2) If we get money, do we basically say the same thing? "Thank you for sending us the money, but we don't feel comfortable taking money from you. Would you like it mailed back to you, or would you like it donated?"
DH is getting pretty good at ignoring the inevitable conversation back (ie: "ooohhhhh, so now a little baby can't even open one tiny gift from his own grandparents"), so I'm not really concerned about that =)
Thanks!