I'm going crazy. I cannot handle this rug sweeping anymore! I don't know how a person can manage to be so willfully ignorant!!
Here is my last post on DWIL:
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a57985213/fiance_wants_me_to_talk_to_mil_claims_im_using_lo_to_punish_her
Since then we have only seen MIL a handful of times. That should be a good thing but you would think the fact that we rarely talk to her or see her anymore would set off some alarm bells for her that everything isn't all hunky dory. Apparently not.
Since my last post SO had (he claims) a direct conversation with her about how she needs to forget about her relationship with LO and start focusing on repairing her relationship with us and can't keep rug sweeping everything and pretending it's all good. He said she seemed to get it and she said she wanted things to be better (*eye roll* sure). During the same conversation they made arrangments for her to see us and LO that weekend (which obviously defeats the whole purpose of having his conversation with her but he claimed he had already promised she could see LO). He predicted she would probably apologise to me that visit. Not surprisingly that didn't happen. Like usual we showed up and her usual grandma circus ensued while she ignored us and did backflips and somersaults to maintain LO's full attention. Again I leave with a seething crimson rage because still NOTHING has registered with her.
The next time we saw her was LO's first birthday (beginning of september). I had put a lot of effort into making a pinterest-worthy birthday party. Most guests commented on all the effort right away. MIL comes in and the first thing she does is bee line it to LO and hover over her with her phone, snapping pics like she's the paparazzi. During the cake she got her sister on skype (without asking us first) and stood in front of all the guests waving her phone all about so her sister could get a front row seat to the cake smash. She continued to hover over LO throughout the party any chance she could get then left without making one positive comment to me. Aftwards she sent me an ecard, written to LO, gushing about how she will always cherish the memory of her on her first birthday. I BH'd it.
That was the last time we saw her. And surprisingly, she hadn't been making a fuss about seeing us either but I wasn't complaining. If she can't be accountable fir her actions then fine, just go away. Works for me. Well SO decided he needs to have another 'talk' with her. He says he wants her understand once and for all how her actions have led to this and how unacceptable it is blah blah blan. I told him that talking to her hasn't worked up to this point and there's no reason it will this time and that chasing after her will just continue to feed into her entitlement. I told him to leave her alone and when she starts pitching a fit about seeing LO then he can open that can of worms. He didn't listen to me and called her to make arrangements anyway. Turned out she had a friend visiting at that time so he just told her that they eneeded to talk. She said it sounded serious. He said it was. Talk got postponed. For the past 2 months SO has been calling her to arrange for this meeting but it keeps getting postponed for one reason or another (usually on accound of SO) but she doesn't question why he wants to talk. Now the past few weeks MIL has been piping up again and requesting to see LO and SO and I are back to fighting about it. Of course now it's all "well it hassss been 2 monnnnths"
In short, my question is how do we deal with rug sweeping? Personally I find it so offensive. To me, when someone sweeps their transgressions under the rug, it's like basically saying "I have so little respect for you that I'm not going to acknowledge, or allow you to acknowledge how I've hurt you." It's been NINE months since all the cards were layed out on the table and it's been nine months since it's all just been ignored. It's like the big conversation we had with her is just ambiguously hovering over us in some weird purgatory and I'm the only one who's aware of it and every time it's ignored, my anger builds! I told SO we should just ignore her as long as she ignores the problem. When she's ready to address then we'll talk. But he can't do that. Especially not now that he's built up this whole 'talk' thing. I know I should be happy that we see her way less but I feel like it's still too much when there's been NO resolve. I still want to throat punch her equally as bad whether it's every two weeks or every two months. I feel like she's keeping just enough distance to not have to face the music but poking in just enough to get some pictures of the graaaaandbabyyy to show off to her friends and get her grandma jollies in. Should I just be happy we don't see her as often and suffer through the less frequent visits or am I right to say screw her, until she can take some responsibility for being a shitty person then LO and I are off the table? If I'm being completely honest, at this point so much time has passed and her true colours are so clear to me that no matter what kind of half assed apology she can manage to muster up will not make any difference to me. SO says he feels like I'll always hold this against her no matter what she does. In one regard I'm like nerve! Don't make ME out to be the difficult person when she has literally made no attempt to do anything. But in another regard he's kind of right. I honestly feel like the effort that would be required at this point to repair the relationship is truly not worth my valuable energy and I just want her to go away.
Here is my last post on DWIL:
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a57985213/fiance_wants_me_to_talk_to_mil_claims_im_using_lo_to_punish_her
Since then we have only seen MIL a handful of times. That should be a good thing but you would think the fact that we rarely talk to her or see her anymore would set off some alarm bells for her that everything isn't all hunky dory. Apparently not.
Since my last post SO had (he claims) a direct conversation with her about how she needs to forget about her relationship with LO and start focusing on repairing her relationship with us and can't keep rug sweeping everything and pretending it's all good. He said she seemed to get it and she said she wanted things to be better (*eye roll* sure). During the same conversation they made arrangments for her to see us and LO that weekend (which obviously defeats the whole purpose of having his conversation with her but he claimed he had already promised she could see LO). He predicted she would probably apologise to me that visit. Not surprisingly that didn't happen. Like usual we showed up and her usual grandma circus ensued while she ignored us and did backflips and somersaults to maintain LO's full attention. Again I leave with a seething crimson rage because still NOTHING has registered with her.
The next time we saw her was LO's first birthday (beginning of september). I had put a lot of effort into making a pinterest-worthy birthday party. Most guests commented on all the effort right away. MIL comes in and the first thing she does is bee line it to LO and hover over her with her phone, snapping pics like she's the paparazzi. During the cake she got her sister on skype (without asking us first) and stood in front of all the guests waving her phone all about so her sister could get a front row seat to the cake smash. She continued to hover over LO throughout the party any chance she could get then left without making one positive comment to me. Aftwards she sent me an ecard, written to LO, gushing about how she will always cherish the memory of her on her first birthday. I BH'd it.
That was the last time we saw her. And surprisingly, she hadn't been making a fuss about seeing us either but I wasn't complaining. If she can't be accountable fir her actions then fine, just go away. Works for me. Well SO decided he needs to have another 'talk' with her. He says he wants her understand once and for all how her actions have led to this and how unacceptable it is blah blah blan. I told him that talking to her hasn't worked up to this point and there's no reason it will this time and that chasing after her will just continue to feed into her entitlement. I told him to leave her alone and when she starts pitching a fit about seeing LO then he can open that can of worms. He didn't listen to me and called her to make arrangements anyway. Turned out she had a friend visiting at that time so he just told her that they eneeded to talk. She said it sounded serious. He said it was. Talk got postponed. For the past 2 months SO has been calling her to arrange for this meeting but it keeps getting postponed for one reason or another (usually on accound of SO) but she doesn't question why he wants to talk. Now the past few weeks MIL has been piping up again and requesting to see LO and SO and I are back to fighting about it. Of course now it's all "well it hassss been 2 monnnnths"
In short, my question is how do we deal with rug sweeping? Personally I find it so offensive. To me, when someone sweeps their transgressions under the rug, it's like basically saying "I have so little respect for you that I'm not going to acknowledge, or allow you to acknowledge how I've hurt you." It's been NINE months since all the cards were layed out on the table and it's been nine months since it's all just been ignored. It's like the big conversation we had with her is just ambiguously hovering over us in some weird purgatory and I'm the only one who's aware of it and every time it's ignored, my anger builds! I told SO we should just ignore her as long as she ignores the problem. When she's ready to address then we'll talk. But he can't do that. Especially not now that he's built up this whole 'talk' thing. I know I should be happy that we see her way less but I feel like it's still too much when there's been NO resolve. I still want to throat punch her equally as bad whether it's every two weeks or every two months. I feel like she's keeping just enough distance to not have to face the music but poking in just enough to get some pictures of the graaaaandbabyyy to show off to her friends and get her grandma jollies in. Should I just be happy we don't see her as often and suffer through the less frequent visits or am I right to say screw her, until she can take some responsibility for being a shitty person then LO and I are off the table? If I'm being completely honest, at this point so much time has passed and her true colours are so clear to me that no matter what kind of half assed apology she can manage to muster up will not make any difference to me. SO says he feels like I'll always hold this against her no matter what she does. In one regard I'm like nerve! Don't make ME out to be the difficult person when she has literally made no attempt to do anything. But in another regard he's kind of right. I honestly feel like the effort that would be required at this point to repair the relationship is truly not worth my valuable energy and I just want her to go away.