My MIL has been totally pushy and intrusive since I've met her. My Dh. and I have been married for 2 years (together for 4) and just had our first baby in April.
Since we were dating she has been making comments about grandchildren. It got progressively worse once we got engaged then married. It took me close to a year to get pregnant and she asked me every month during that time if I had "any news?" And was so desperate about knowing my business.
(BG: My Dh and her do not have a close relationship and he pretty much pushed me off on her and has been a duh. I have been complaining about her and he does nothing until recently. Pretty much he watches sports when we would visit and she asks me personal questions and gives me disapproving looks with most of my answers. We stopped visits the past year because of this)
During that time I was ttc she made comments to my BIL how she wanted to move a few houses away and so she can walk to watch my baby everyday when I go back to work. (This was after she knew I planned on being a SAHM). She continued to make intrusive comments about that and even asking my husband if he was ok with me being a SAHM. Obviously he was since we decided it as a couple.
When I was ttc she told me in a very serious/pushy way that "they want to be VERY involved grandparents." I capitalize very because that was how she said it. It was creepy.
Then once I was pregnant she got even more pushy and calling me and emailing me to find out when all my appointments are and always followed up. She told me she would love to come to ultrasounds with me too. I stopped answering her phone calls.
We saw her when I was pregnant and she told me how she let my sil sleep while she rocked and sang her baby to sleep. Then she desperately said to me "I hope I don't miss out on that" regarding my baby.
My baby was born 3 months early and spent 2 months in the Nicu. My water broke and it was unexpected. She is now 6 months and doing great but that has made me more sensitive to my mil pushiness because I'm obviously extra protective after my traumatic birth.
When mil came to the hospital she couldnt see my baby in the Nicu because she had a cold. She suggested I get my baby baptized in the hospital. My baby shower was planned for that Saturday and she told us she wasn't going because he "heart wasn't into it"
She's been pushy on Facebook sharing all the pictures I post and liking everyone's comments who post on my babies pictures. She doesn't even know the majority of my Facebook friends commenting. I've blocked her from future post on Facebook since that got out of hand. She recently wrote me a message tellimg me to "change my privacy settings so she can see my wall". I didn't. I recently blocked her for good because BIL and sil and her are all analyzing the last post i wrote etc and causing drama.
When my baby was in the Nicu she was intrusive and called everyday for update to my husband when we were doing weekly caring bridge updates to control my babies medical updates so we could focus on her.
Once my baby got home she requested photos every few days and was still calling everyday and asking how things are going when she can meet her. She wanted to know what the doctors said about people Meeting her because clearly we as the babies parents aren't capable making that decisions. Prior to that , We made it clear that we were keeping visitors away until after her due date.
It was too much so I sent her an email saying that we are all doing fine and we will let you know when we are ready for visitors. Also that we will send pictures of our daughters when we want. She didn't respond but instead called my husband and freaked out about my email. He blew her off because he is afraid of confrontation with her. A few days later she sent my husband an email asking for pictures and telling him that she's not calling because obviously it bugs your wife. And at the end of the email she told him to call her if he's allowed to. He couldn't handle her so he did nothing. (4 years of him doing nothing and setting no boundaries)
When mil finally met her my Dh told her no one is holding or touching her ( she was still small and I was nervous to have people hold her, especially mil!) and she threw a fit about not being able to hold her and take a picture with her and kept asking "why not". Of course she didn't respect our wishes, when She met our baby she kissed her on the head several times and kept grabbing her hand when we met. I was thrown off and didn't speak up. She is very grabby with babies and I learned that when my sil had a baby. my Dh said nothing to her too.
That was mid August and we have nor seen her since then. I put her in a TO after reading the dwil board.
Since mid August my mil has been calling Dh to ask the same 10 questions she always asks about my baby and always requesting pictures from Dh. She also has asked to babysit several times and keeps asking when she can see us again. After blowing her off my fil told my Dh that they want to see us by the end of October. Mil sent my husband and email asking for picture and wrote "remember, we want to see you, wife, and baby by the end of October. " I found that so annoying that they were putting an end date on it. Finally my husband wrote back an email he's been needing to write for a LONG time.
He told mil that until he improves his relationship with them they will not be seeing his wife and baby. That happened last week. (He knows he can't set boundries with her and I'm uncomfortable around her so that was our solution)
His dad called immediately all frantic and wanting to know what happened. My Dh has never told them anything is wrong his whole time and avoids things so it was a shock.
Mil yelled at Dh on the phone accusing that This was his wife's (my) doing and I'm trying to keep them away.
Mil also said to BIL that I am trying to take my husband away from his family and I need help because I won't let anyone touch my baby. They've been Insinuating I have ppd this whole time because they haven't been involved as much as they want. Which i do not. She also asked BIL if there is something wrong with my baby because we aren't letting them see her. That was hurtful. She has always been competitive and manipulative.
So my husband is supposed to go talk to them and tell them all the issues. I am done dealing with her and want to cut her off! She lives in a fantasy world and is nothing but toxic. Do you think i am being unreasonable for wanting to cut her off? We are at a stand still anyways until my husband forms a relationship with her (which Im not even sure he wants too.) He half said good riddance when she told my BIL "she doesn't have a son anymore and she's done talking to us" but he still likes the idea of them being involved.
So my main question is, am I wrong to want to cut her off?
Since we were dating she has been making comments about grandchildren. It got progressively worse once we got engaged then married. It took me close to a year to get pregnant and she asked me every month during that time if I had "any news?" And was so desperate about knowing my business.
(BG: My Dh and her do not have a close relationship and he pretty much pushed me off on her and has been a duh. I have been complaining about her and he does nothing until recently. Pretty much he watches sports when we would visit and she asks me personal questions and gives me disapproving looks with most of my answers. We stopped visits the past year because of this)
During that time I was ttc she made comments to my BIL how she wanted to move a few houses away and so she can walk to watch my baby everyday when I go back to work. (This was after she knew I planned on being a SAHM). She continued to make intrusive comments about that and even asking my husband if he was ok with me being a SAHM. Obviously he was since we decided it as a couple.
When I was ttc she told me in a very serious/pushy way that "they want to be VERY involved grandparents." I capitalize very because that was how she said it. It was creepy.
Then once I was pregnant she got even more pushy and calling me and emailing me to find out when all my appointments are and always followed up. She told me she would love to come to ultrasounds with me too. I stopped answering her phone calls.
We saw her when I was pregnant and she told me how she let my sil sleep while she rocked and sang her baby to sleep. Then she desperately said to me "I hope I don't miss out on that" regarding my baby.
My baby was born 3 months early and spent 2 months in the Nicu. My water broke and it was unexpected. She is now 6 months and doing great but that has made me more sensitive to my mil pushiness because I'm obviously extra protective after my traumatic birth.
When mil came to the hospital she couldnt see my baby in the Nicu because she had a cold. She suggested I get my baby baptized in the hospital. My baby shower was planned for that Saturday and she told us she wasn't going because he "heart wasn't into it"
She's been pushy on Facebook sharing all the pictures I post and liking everyone's comments who post on my babies pictures. She doesn't even know the majority of my Facebook friends commenting. I've blocked her from future post on Facebook since that got out of hand. She recently wrote me a message tellimg me to "change my privacy settings so she can see my wall". I didn't. I recently blocked her for good because BIL and sil and her are all analyzing the last post i wrote etc and causing drama.
When my baby was in the Nicu she was intrusive and called everyday for update to my husband when we were doing weekly caring bridge updates to control my babies medical updates so we could focus on her.
Once my baby got home she requested photos every few days and was still calling everyday and asking how things are going when she can meet her. She wanted to know what the doctors said about people Meeting her because clearly we as the babies parents aren't capable making that decisions. Prior to that , We made it clear that we were keeping visitors away until after her due date.
It was too much so I sent her an email saying that we are all doing fine and we will let you know when we are ready for visitors. Also that we will send pictures of our daughters when we want. She didn't respond but instead called my husband and freaked out about my email. He blew her off because he is afraid of confrontation with her. A few days later she sent my husband an email asking for pictures and telling him that she's not calling because obviously it bugs your wife. And at the end of the email she told him to call her if he's allowed to. He couldn't handle her so he did nothing. (4 years of him doing nothing and setting no boundaries)
When mil finally met her my Dh told her no one is holding or touching her ( she was still small and I was nervous to have people hold her, especially mil!) and she threw a fit about not being able to hold her and take a picture with her and kept asking "why not". Of course she didn't respect our wishes, when She met our baby she kissed her on the head several times and kept grabbing her hand when we met. I was thrown off and didn't speak up. She is very grabby with babies and I learned that when my sil had a baby. my Dh said nothing to her too.
That was mid August and we have nor seen her since then. I put her in a TO after reading the dwil board.
Since mid August my mil has been calling Dh to ask the same 10 questions she always asks about my baby and always requesting pictures from Dh. She also has asked to babysit several times and keeps asking when she can see us again. After blowing her off my fil told my Dh that they want to see us by the end of October. Mil sent my husband and email asking for picture and wrote "remember, we want to see you, wife, and baby by the end of October. " I found that so annoying that they were putting an end date on it. Finally my husband wrote back an email he's been needing to write for a LONG time.
He told mil that until he improves his relationship with them they will not be seeing his wife and baby. That happened last week. (He knows he can't set boundries with her and I'm uncomfortable around her so that was our solution)
His dad called immediately all frantic and wanting to know what happened. My Dh has never told them anything is wrong his whole time and avoids things so it was a shock.
Mil yelled at Dh on the phone accusing that This was his wife's (my) doing and I'm trying to keep them away.
Mil also said to BIL that I am trying to take my husband away from his family and I need help because I won't let anyone touch my baby. They've been Insinuating I have ppd this whole time because they haven't been involved as much as they want. Which i do not. She also asked BIL if there is something wrong with my baby because we aren't letting them see her. That was hurtful. She has always been competitive and manipulative.
So my husband is supposed to go talk to them and tell them all the issues. I am done dealing with her and want to cut her off! She lives in a fantasy world and is nothing but toxic. Do you think i am being unreasonable for wanting to cut her off? We are at a stand still anyways until my husband forms a relationship with her (which Im not even sure he wants too.) He half said good riddance when she told my BIL "she doesn't have a son anymore and she's done talking to us" but he still likes the idea of them being involved.
So my main question is, am I wrong to want to cut her off?