I know I wrote something similar but this is more needed advice on how to get my duh understand my frustration without arguing. He is great but I just can't stand how he LOVES gifting to his side of his family. We aren't close to his side, only to my side of my family, as we are more "acquaintance friendly" plus I am close to my foo. He says he doesn't mind spending time with my foo a lot since he says that he is not close with his side anyway.
Anyway we always had arguments during holidays and when someones bday comes (his side) because honestly there are about 30-32 gifts in a year. Yes I became so anal I calculated. 😯 I used to love gifting until I dated and married him and I now feel that it is an obligation because it is just too many. Plus I'm only 'ok' with my ils. Not a real connection, his mom can be critical so I bother to not to be near her, his dad is quite nice but pretty distant. His siblings are OK and they all have kids. Love the children though.
Although we decide that in a couple of years we will stop all the gifting (except to the children and his parents), I'm just going to leave all the gifting to my DH (which I can't help but say duh) starting next year. I'm hoping all the hassle of wrapping , buying , will weigh him down but at the same time I'm afraid hell see it as no big deal in the end since he always loved getting them gifts before we got married and dated.
We spend about $20 a gift so in a year (30--32), its about $640 + bday and holiday parties we go to (about $40--$50 additional to go out and celebrate with his ils each celebration...) So in total, we spend about $2000--$2500 a year alone just celebrating with everyone on his side. Am I wrong to feel the way I do and how do I get him see my point of view that it's not necessary to spend on adults? He also says that we spend more on vacations a year and asks what the big deal is? I feel bad saying that I deserve the vacation after working hard and feel as though I'm cheap because I am the one wanting to opt out the presents.
Any advice (and encouragement) greatly appreciated.
Anyway we always had arguments during holidays and when someones bday comes (his side) because honestly there are about 30-32 gifts in a year. Yes I became so anal I calculated. 😯 I used to love gifting until I dated and married him and I now feel that it is an obligation because it is just too many. Plus I'm only 'ok' with my ils. Not a real connection, his mom can be critical so I bother to not to be near her, his dad is quite nice but pretty distant. His siblings are OK and they all have kids. Love the children though.
Although we decide that in a couple of years we will stop all the gifting (except to the children and his parents), I'm just going to leave all the gifting to my DH (which I can't help but say duh) starting next year. I'm hoping all the hassle of wrapping , buying , will weigh him down but at the same time I'm afraid hell see it as no big deal in the end since he always loved getting them gifts before we got married and dated.
We spend about $20 a gift so in a year (30--32), its about $640 + bday and holiday parties we go to (about $40--$50 additional to go out and celebrate with his ils each celebration...) So in total, we spend about $2000--$2500 a year alone just celebrating with everyone on his side. Am I wrong to feel the way I do and how do I get him see my point of view that it's not necessary to spend on adults? He also says that we spend more on vacations a year and asks what the big deal is? I feel bad saying that I deserve the vacation after working hard and feel as though I'm cheap because I am the one wanting to opt out the presents.
Any advice (and encouragement) greatly appreciated.