About three months ago, DH and I moved back to our hometown after living nearly ten years in another state. The close proximity to our extended families has brought on a slew of problems we didn't anticipate. The one I'm struggling with now has to do with BIL, SIL and DNE.
DH is very close with his brother, and they recently bought a classic car together, which they plan to restore on our property. So BIL will be spending a good deal of time here, which I can live with because he doesn't bother me. When he arrives he heads straight for the garage, messes with the car and goes about his business, never coming into the house unless DD or I ask him to.
His wife, though, is another story. She doesn't ever like to spend time at home without him there. So if she has nothing else planned for the day, she moseys on over here and expects me to entertain her while our husbands work on the car.
I take issue with this for several reasons. 1) I don't like entertaining people 2) SIL is extremely critical and doesn't hesitate to speak her mind over things that are none of her business 3) DNE doesn't behave in our house and brings out the worse in my daughter 4) DNE is highly allergic to DD's favorite food, so I feel obligated to clean the whole house with a fine-tooth comb before their arrival to make sure he doesn't come into contact with any traces of it. I also have to deny DD her favorite snack while DNE is here, which I wouldn't mind on a planned, invited visit, but it annoys me when I feel as if I have no say in the matter.
Today I received a text from SIL saying that BIL plans to work on the car tomorrow, "so I guess DNE and I will be coming over!" I am so annoyed. Why is it a given that if he's here, she's here? I can't imagine telling DH that his brother needs to stop coming over so much, but is it even acceptable for me to tell her, "that doesn't work for me" when she knows her husband is over here?
DH is very close with his brother, and they recently bought a classic car together, which they plan to restore on our property. So BIL will be spending a good deal of time here, which I can live with because he doesn't bother me. When he arrives he heads straight for the garage, messes with the car and goes about his business, never coming into the house unless DD or I ask him to.
His wife, though, is another story. She doesn't ever like to spend time at home without him there. So if she has nothing else planned for the day, she moseys on over here and expects me to entertain her while our husbands work on the car.
I take issue with this for several reasons. 1) I don't like entertaining people 2) SIL is extremely critical and doesn't hesitate to speak her mind over things that are none of her business 3) DNE doesn't behave in our house and brings out the worse in my daughter 4) DNE is highly allergic to DD's favorite food, so I feel obligated to clean the whole house with a fine-tooth comb before their arrival to make sure he doesn't come into contact with any traces of it. I also have to deny DD her favorite snack while DNE is here, which I wouldn't mind on a planned, invited visit, but it annoys me when I feel as if I have no say in the matter.
Today I received a text from SIL saying that BIL plans to work on the car tomorrow, "so I guess DNE and I will be coming over!" I am so annoyed. Why is it a given that if he's here, she's here? I can't imagine telling DH that his brother needs to stop coming over so much, but is it even acceptable for me to tell her, "that doesn't work for me" when she knows her husband is over here?