Hi everyone, its been a long time since I've been here, life has been a little turned upside down
SIL was cut off for 2 years for sending a very hateful email to me while I was 9 months pregnant and privately threatened that she was going to punch me in the stomach to DH through text or a phone call I really can't remember.
This was mostly out of jealousy as she told me "don't you dare take my brother from me" because there was once an incident that DH and I were in the middle of making a large purchase for our home and he didn't run to her rescue when she called crying about her life being a mess or whatever. She drinks a lot.
I could go on about more but that's the most important background for this post.
So back one morning in August we get terrible news that Dhs dad was in an accident and did not survive. Him and his wife (step mil) live up the street so we immediately drove up to be with her as FILs accident was in another state. SIL is not there and is somewhat estranged from Step Mil as well. My Dh drives to her house to pick her up and drives her back to where we all were, when she walked through the door sobbing I stood up and hugged her and said how sorry I was about her dad. It was all very emotional and the past didn't matter to me in that moment.
Well as the weeks went by there were just a few things that started bringing back resentment. Before FIL passed he moved SIL into an apartment and agreed to help her on her feet on the terms that she was getting her bf out of the picture and he wouldn't know her new address. Her bf was at her apartment the day her dad passed. Hell he even helped move her in.
The reason he was supposed to stay away is their abusive relationship, and she has a lo around this environment.
Since her dad passed she has broken up with this guy more than I can count but this last time just this week she asked my dh if he could move her bfs belongings out of the house when he wasn't home. She told him to just drop the stuff off at the bfs friends house on the front lawn. My dh declined to do that because of possible legalities if something were to get stolen/ruined. (I included that to show her way of thinking)
Dh never ended up doing it because the next day SIL texts DH asking if DH can change the locks on her door because she doesn't know how to and her bf has copies of the key and she's afraid of him. But he said he'd pick up his own stuff.
This is just one of the many times she's needed to be "rescued" since I've been dating DH. Now that she isn't able to call her dad that always helped her she's calling my DH and its really getting to me. While her dad was here him and his wife had problems because of this very situation.
One of the things that's been weighing on my mind is that she has never and I don't think is currently planning to ever apologize to me for what she did and said. Yet here she is crying wolf to my husband and then posts a video on Fb tagging DH of Vin Diesel acting outraged and the caption says
"when your sister calls you crying"
And says "just a few times! Lol"
Eye roll
The last thing is that I looked at texts from her on my DHs phone and she had a few invites to my DH to hang out and DH never responded, one of them saying she missed him and so does dad and she wanted to sit at dads gravesite "just you, him and I and a few beers" Then in the same text she mentions "between me and you" and says she has an assault charge. I have no idea if its with her current bf, and knowing her anger problems I wouldn't be surprised if she's abusing him and hes defending himself, I really don't know.
Whenever she comments on photos of mine with DH its always "I'm so proud of you DH, dad would have been so proud!" Or "I'm so proud of you, you're doing what you have to do to take care of your family" (im a sahm and she made it very clear that she thought i should take care of myself in that email i talked about earlier) but these comments are on my own photos or posts, not his. Like she's passive aggressively doing it to over shadow me.
Basically I want to know, is this normal or a healthy relationship she thinks she should have with her brother? Personally I've never had to be rescued from a situation or called my brothers crying. I have 3 brothers and love them all but they're all grown men and we see each other at gatherings and parties and that's normal to me. I don't call them asking them to leave out their wife and kid to be with me.
I have a fear that this will be happening all the time now and she doesn't understand DH has a wife and child but will always be her big bro to help her or save her. DH has yet to help her with the bf situation but told me that he told her if he does it will be a one time thing if she goes back to him.
I'm angry every time I hear her voice on the phone with him or just the mention of her name. I want to know...should I tell DH to just keep his relationship with her to himself? Ever since his dad passed he says he realizes how much family means and I get that, but I just can't with her.
SIL was cut off for 2 years for sending a very hateful email to me while I was 9 months pregnant and privately threatened that she was going to punch me in the stomach to DH through text or a phone call I really can't remember.
This was mostly out of jealousy as she told me "don't you dare take my brother from me" because there was once an incident that DH and I were in the middle of making a large purchase for our home and he didn't run to her rescue when she called crying about her life being a mess or whatever. She drinks a lot.
I could go on about more but that's the most important background for this post.
So back one morning in August we get terrible news that Dhs dad was in an accident and did not survive. Him and his wife (step mil) live up the street so we immediately drove up to be with her as FILs accident was in another state. SIL is not there and is somewhat estranged from Step Mil as well. My Dh drives to her house to pick her up and drives her back to where we all were, when she walked through the door sobbing I stood up and hugged her and said how sorry I was about her dad. It was all very emotional and the past didn't matter to me in that moment.
Well as the weeks went by there were just a few things that started bringing back resentment. Before FIL passed he moved SIL into an apartment and agreed to help her on her feet on the terms that she was getting her bf out of the picture and he wouldn't know her new address. Her bf was at her apartment the day her dad passed. Hell he even helped move her in.
The reason he was supposed to stay away is their abusive relationship, and she has a lo around this environment.
Since her dad passed she has broken up with this guy more than I can count but this last time just this week she asked my dh if he could move her bfs belongings out of the house when he wasn't home. She told him to just drop the stuff off at the bfs friends house on the front lawn. My dh declined to do that because of possible legalities if something were to get stolen/ruined. (I included that to show her way of thinking)
Dh never ended up doing it because the next day SIL texts DH asking if DH can change the locks on her door because she doesn't know how to and her bf has copies of the key and she's afraid of him. But he said he'd pick up his own stuff.
This is just one of the many times she's needed to be "rescued" since I've been dating DH. Now that she isn't able to call her dad that always helped her she's calling my DH and its really getting to me. While her dad was here him and his wife had problems because of this very situation.
One of the things that's been weighing on my mind is that she has never and I don't think is currently planning to ever apologize to me for what she did and said. Yet here she is crying wolf to my husband and then posts a video on Fb tagging DH of Vin Diesel acting outraged and the caption says
"when your sister calls you crying"
And says "just a few times! Lol"
Eye roll
The last thing is that I looked at texts from her on my DHs phone and she had a few invites to my DH to hang out and DH never responded, one of them saying she missed him and so does dad and she wanted to sit at dads gravesite "just you, him and I and a few beers" Then in the same text she mentions "between me and you" and says she has an assault charge. I have no idea if its with her current bf, and knowing her anger problems I wouldn't be surprised if she's abusing him and hes defending himself, I really don't know.
Whenever she comments on photos of mine with DH its always "I'm so proud of you DH, dad would have been so proud!" Or "I'm so proud of you, you're doing what you have to do to take care of your family" (im a sahm and she made it very clear that she thought i should take care of myself in that email i talked about earlier) but these comments are on my own photos or posts, not his. Like she's passive aggressively doing it to over shadow me.
Basically I want to know, is this normal or a healthy relationship she thinks she should have with her brother? Personally I've never had to be rescued from a situation or called my brothers crying. I have 3 brothers and love them all but they're all grown men and we see each other at gatherings and parties and that's normal to me. I don't call them asking them to leave out their wife and kid to be with me.
I have a fear that this will be happening all the time now and she doesn't understand DH has a wife and child but will always be her big bro to help her or save her. DH has yet to help her with the bf situation but told me that he told her if he does it will be a one time thing if she goes back to him.
I'm angry every time I hear her voice on the phone with him or just the mention of her name. I want to know...should I tell DH to just keep his relationship with her to himself? Ever since his dad passed he says he realizes how much family means and I get that, but I just can't with her.