Regular member of the board here. I discussed my problem with a few here, so if you recognize its me, I ask to keep quiet. Being a DWIL regular, I find I can dish out advice, but when my own problems come, I'm stuck facing a wall not sure what to do.
It's a sensitive issue so I seek compassion along with advice.
SIL (DH brother wife) passed of cancer in February. They lived out of state. His family urged him to move back here because he had no family there. He and DH are very close. MIL can be insensitive, and she and BIL always argued. He moved back here with their two kids who are 10 and 8. Since our home is big, DH asked me if it was ok to let them stay with us until BIL got things worked out. I said yes because of many reasons:
1. His wife found out she had stage 4 cancer in May of last year.
2. Their kids went through hell.
3. He had lots to sort out after her passing while stressed. I was also willing to be a part of the support network for him and his kids.
He and his kids moved here in August. We got them settled and gave them space to grieve instead of trying to smother them. He's gotten them into school here, but he's unable to find a job in his field. I know it's not my right to tell anyone how they should mourn, so I've kept my mouth shut. However, I'm annoyed at how he lives in our house with his kids. They're dirty and lazy. I've spoken to him about the dirtiness and told him I'm not his maid, or his kids. I told him they need to operate like members of the household and not expect me or my kids to clean after them. DH has spoken to him and he acknowledged his kids and him weren't lifting their weight and he'll make sure things were done. I sympathized with him on unemployment because I've been through it before for a year. Here unemployment is high, so he's trying, but it's rough.
My kids opened their big mouth to MIL about BIL and his kids being lazy and dirty. She called us up saying we should kick him out because the exact way he is with us is the same way he was with his wife. MIL told us SIL complained to her about him, and it was difficult. MIL proceeded to tell BIL how he is a loser and needed to get a life. What MIL says makes no sense because BIL spends everyday looking for a job, he's running low on cash because of no job, and he and SIL nearly cleaned out their savings through her cancer treatments, and her funeral arrangements. Hes made the effort to clean after him and his kids. The atmosphere in my home is solemn because his kids cry many nights making my kids go comfort them.
MIL isn't making it easy. She calls making life difficult for him, then why I try to stand up for him, she tells me I am foolish just like his wife and should get him out my house. He's done nothing to me, so I can't make arguments against him or be selfish. DH doesn't want me making issue with MIL because I'm not BIL wife, and should let them deal with it alone. She struck a nerve on Christmas. She invited us and his kids, but not BIL. I decided to stay home with the kids and cook a meal for us including BIL. She called me an ass kisser.
I really need input!
It's a sensitive issue so I seek compassion along with advice.
SIL (DH brother wife) passed of cancer in February. They lived out of state. His family urged him to move back here because he had no family there. He and DH are very close. MIL can be insensitive, and she and BIL always argued. He moved back here with their two kids who are 10 and 8. Since our home is big, DH asked me if it was ok to let them stay with us until BIL got things worked out. I said yes because of many reasons:
1. His wife found out she had stage 4 cancer in May of last year.
2. Their kids went through hell.
3. He had lots to sort out after her passing while stressed. I was also willing to be a part of the support network for him and his kids.
He and his kids moved here in August. We got them settled and gave them space to grieve instead of trying to smother them. He's gotten them into school here, but he's unable to find a job in his field. I know it's not my right to tell anyone how they should mourn, so I've kept my mouth shut. However, I'm annoyed at how he lives in our house with his kids. They're dirty and lazy. I've spoken to him about the dirtiness and told him I'm not his maid, or his kids. I told him they need to operate like members of the household and not expect me or my kids to clean after them. DH has spoken to him and he acknowledged his kids and him weren't lifting their weight and he'll make sure things were done. I sympathized with him on unemployment because I've been through it before for a year. Here unemployment is high, so he's trying, but it's rough.
My kids opened their big mouth to MIL about BIL and his kids being lazy and dirty. She called us up saying we should kick him out because the exact way he is with us is the same way he was with his wife. MIL told us SIL complained to her about him, and it was difficult. MIL proceeded to tell BIL how he is a loser and needed to get a life. What MIL says makes no sense because BIL spends everyday looking for a job, he's running low on cash because of no job, and he and SIL nearly cleaned out their savings through her cancer treatments, and her funeral arrangements. Hes made the effort to clean after him and his kids. The atmosphere in my home is solemn because his kids cry many nights making my kids go comfort them.
MIL isn't making it easy. She calls making life difficult for him, then why I try to stand up for him, she tells me I am foolish just like his wife and should get him out my house. He's done nothing to me, so I can't make arguments against him or be selfish. DH doesn't want me making issue with MIL because I'm not BIL wife, and should let them deal with it alone. She struck a nerve on Christmas. She invited us and his kids, but not BIL. I decided to stay home with the kids and cook a meal for us including BIL. She called me an ass kisser.
I really need input!