Honestly, it's so much that's happened in my life that I don't even know where to begin. To protect myself, I've created an anonymous account. I'm the type that usually writes in my journal, but I need actual feedback from people that don't know me, so I'd really love your help. I'll start with a little background:
*Trigger* When I was about 3 or 4, I was sexually abused by my older cousin when my aunt would babysit me. One day my aunt came into the room and saw what he was doing, but beat me for it. When my mom came to pick me up, my aunt had a talk with her quietly so I couldn't hear, but when I poked my head around the corner she looked at me with a mean face, and when I got home I got a beating again. I never told anyone except my SO of 5 years what happened even though my sister and my brother both knew.
*Trigger (literally)* Around the age of 12, My brother smashed my head into the computer monitor because I drank the last of some juice that was in the fridge, and since I didn't finish my cup, I just put my cup back in the fridge so I didn't waste it. I tried pushing my brother off, but he just kept punching me everywhere...my head, my stomach, and kicking me in my legs. I screamed that I was going to call my father and my cousin (from my father's side who's like a brother to me), and he went upstairs. I grabbed my cousin and hugged her because she was extremely scared, but I had to push her away again because when he came back down stairs he had a shot gun pushed me against the wall and shoved it in my face. He said that if I ever threatened to get someone again he'll kill me. My uncle stopped him and yelled at me to go to my room, and when I got there I called my mom. She acted like she cared but when she got home she didn't say anything to him about it and told me not to tell anyone.
*Trigger* Fast forward a couple of years, and I'm just starting middle school. . I'm in my room doing homework. My brother comes home and he's mad about something. I knew because I could hear him on the phone yelling as he went into his room. He comes out of his room and bangs on my door. I said "yes?" without answering, and he said,"did you come in my room and steal my money?" Of course I wouldn't do that so I told him no. Then he called me a lying bitch and kicked open my door. He seemed high on something, but he immediately threw me on the floor from my bed and started kicking me in my stomach, and my head, and he stomped on my legs. My nose was bleeding from the beating and I could barely see, but I was crying and trying to make it down the steps, but I couldn't because I was hurt badly. So I sat on the steps crying and going in and out of consciousness. He saw the blood on my face and asked if I was okay, and when I didn't answer, he grabbed his coat and said "I'm not gonna be here for this" and left. I gained enough strength to call my mom and she came and took me to the hospital. When the doctor came in and asked what had happened, my mom quickly told him that I tripped down the stairs, and looked at me with mean eyes. My doctor said he'd be right back, and she told me to tell him that's what happened, because if I didn't my brother would go back to jail. So I did, like a dumbass.
I ended up graduating high school, and around that time, I met my SO. Once graduation was over, his parents helped us get a place of our own. After that, I felt like finally I was free. I felt like I didn't have to deal with her or my brother anymore. The unicorn always let everything that happened go, unfortunately. So 5 years Later and I'm pregnant with my first child. My due date is tomorrow, and I'm so excited. My mother called me because she wanted me or my SO to do her taxes, but with work and our college courses, it was hard to do it. I took the time to tell her that I would like for her to keep the delivery of my baby quiet until I'm ready to tell everyone. I only wanted my parents, including SO's, and, of course, my grands there. She said she doesn't care anymore, and she's tired of me. She said that I don't have to invite her and her family members to the shower I'm having after my daughter's birth (which is at my grandma's house) because she doesn't want to be there. I told her I was inviting them to the shower, but I didn't want everyone coming to the hospital. She has a large family, and I didn't want to deal with all of them. She said that I need to be praying that God allows me to deliver successfully because bad things can happen, and that should be my main focus, not my baby shower. She said she nor her family would come to the hospital, and she also told me not to talk to her anymore. I don't understand why she has to make everything about her, and act so childish when it's not. I told her that I'm her daughter, but I'm not a little girl anymore, and I make my own decisions and she really hates that. I'm just not sure how to deal with a CO from my mother so soon before I have the baby. The other side of me feels relieved that I can keep my baby away from that toxic environment. All she talked about was how my baby is going to stay with her, and basically just being controlling. I had to set my boundaries early because my brother still lives with her. I told her no staying the night because he smokes cigarettes and weed in the house instead of going outside, and he's a bully. I don't want my daughter around my brother period. She just gets mad at me and says she doesn't care. Advice? Comments? Anything helpful? I'd be happy to give more details if needed. Sorry this is so long