First, sorry this got longer than I expected and if it seems all over the place. I've been lurking here for a while and finally worked myself up to post so it's like everything rushing out at once for me.
So, my SO mother has had baby rabies for years. We've been together almost 5 years now and since our first couple months together she's been asking us for a grandchild. He is the third of her 5 kids, has a younger brother only 11 months younger than him but it seems she figured we were her best bet. She would say things like if we wait too long she'll be too old to enjoy her grandchild, and would literally ask if I was pregnant several times a month. At the time I was only 19 😑
So fast forward to now. I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant. From the beginning she's referred to our son as 'MY baby,' made dumb jokes about how this is the easiest pregnancy she's ever had blah blah blah. I understood she was excited, being that she's been waiting for this since I basically met my SO (and we suffered a loss almost exactly a year before). It's gotten to be annoying now.
She mentioned buying a bassinet for her house for when my baby is over, which I didn't object because I thought it was a good idea. She lives down the block from us so I can see myself going over to spend time with her and possibly putting him down for naps there. I think she has the idea she'll be babysitting and using it for herself. (Which I actually wouldn't object to if I had an errand to run and need someone for an hour or two.)
This will be her first grand and my mothers 2nd. Earlier in my pregnancy she mentioned something along the lines of my mother already had a grandchild so she won't be as interested in mine so she'll have more time with him... My mother thought this was the dumbest thing she had ever heard.
Before we knew his gender my SO let everyone know our choices in girl names. (A boy we knew would be a Jr).. Well, we really only had one choice, as we both agreed on this name years ago and loved it ever since. I wasn't a fan of telling people especially since we didn't know if we'd be using it but didn't really mind. I remember her turning her face up at the name and saying she'd be calling our baby by a different name because she didn't like the one we picked 😑 she would throw middle names at us every time we saw her, all of which we would reject. One time after rejecting a bunch of her ideas she mentioned we couldn't "hog" the whole name. In my head I'm like, what does that even mean? It's our child she will be named whatever we choose. Out loud I just ignored her.
When we found out he was a boy of course all of the name nonsense ended but she continued referring to him as HER baby, and this as HER pregnancy. She says it jokingly but said it so many times now the novelty has worn off.
A few months ago she mentioned how she'll be in the delivery room when my son is born. I told her no, I only want my SO there, but she is welcome to stay in the waiting room. She said she'd just hide in the bathroom until he's born. I'm like uhhhh.....doubt it, but okay. I told my mother and she's like oh hell no, it'll be how you want it to be. Fast forward to The other day my mother told me she mentioned to her that I asked her to be in the delivery room... Crazy.. But We laughed about that one together lol
One day she was upset at my SO for not stopping by (he'd been saying he was going over for days and never made it which is why she was annoyed, understandable) and called the house. She told me to relay to him she was 'done' with him and once the baby is born expect her to only come by to pick him up and leave. It was a joke she laughed off but added to her obvious case of baby rabies I think she really expects to do this.
On Thanksgiving she mentioned the next one (with my son there, he'll be 6 months by then) she'll be sneaking him food. By 6 months I don't think I would mind giving him little tastes of our food, but saying she'll "sneak" it to him rubbed me the wrong way.
She had her first daughter pretty young and her own mother had her a lot of the time so I feel like she is expecting her grandmother experience to be similar, in that she's going to be playing a bigger role than she actually will.
She is a genuinely nice woman, I have no other real issues with. Although she lives right down the block I only see her a few times a month, (if that) and never for very long. I'm also an introvert and don't talk much so I'm usually just home anyway.
I wrote all of this to say once my son is here I know I'm going to have to shut a lot of stuff down but I don't want to be mean about it. I'm pretty territorial and she's sensitive, paired with him being my first son and her grandmother expectations; I see us butting heads a lot. My SO is very protective of me, and will tell her like it is if I express to him my concerns. I just don't want the conflict to damage our relationship.
So I guess my question is, after given all of these examples do you see her getting worse once my son is born? Could this just be normal excitement that will wear off as he grows? And if not what can/should I do to begin building boundaries now?
Like I said I don't see or speak to her often so these things are kind of once in a blue, but we do only live one block away, so crazy can easily happen once my son is born.
(ETA spaces btwn paragraphs)
So, my SO mother has had baby rabies for years. We've been together almost 5 years now and since our first couple months together she's been asking us for a grandchild. He is the third of her 5 kids, has a younger brother only 11 months younger than him but it seems she figured we were her best bet. She would say things like if we wait too long she'll be too old to enjoy her grandchild, and would literally ask if I was pregnant several times a month. At the time I was only 19 😑
So fast forward to now. I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant. From the beginning she's referred to our son as 'MY baby,' made dumb jokes about how this is the easiest pregnancy she's ever had blah blah blah. I understood she was excited, being that she's been waiting for this since I basically met my SO (and we suffered a loss almost exactly a year before). It's gotten to be annoying now.
She mentioned buying a bassinet for her house for when my baby is over, which I didn't object because I thought it was a good idea. She lives down the block from us so I can see myself going over to spend time with her and possibly putting him down for naps there. I think she has the idea she'll be babysitting and using it for herself. (Which I actually wouldn't object to if I had an errand to run and need someone for an hour or two.)
This will be her first grand and my mothers 2nd. Earlier in my pregnancy she mentioned something along the lines of my mother already had a grandchild so she won't be as interested in mine so she'll have more time with him... My mother thought this was the dumbest thing she had ever heard.
Before we knew his gender my SO let everyone know our choices in girl names. (A boy we knew would be a Jr).. Well, we really only had one choice, as we both agreed on this name years ago and loved it ever since. I wasn't a fan of telling people especially since we didn't know if we'd be using it but didn't really mind. I remember her turning her face up at the name and saying she'd be calling our baby by a different name because she didn't like the one we picked 😑 she would throw middle names at us every time we saw her, all of which we would reject. One time after rejecting a bunch of her ideas she mentioned we couldn't "hog" the whole name. In my head I'm like, what does that even mean? It's our child she will be named whatever we choose. Out loud I just ignored her.
When we found out he was a boy of course all of the name nonsense ended but she continued referring to him as HER baby, and this as HER pregnancy. She says it jokingly but said it so many times now the novelty has worn off.
A few months ago she mentioned how she'll be in the delivery room when my son is born. I told her no, I only want my SO there, but she is welcome to stay in the waiting room. She said she'd just hide in the bathroom until he's born. I'm like uhhhh.....doubt it, but okay. I told my mother and she's like oh hell no, it'll be how you want it to be. Fast forward to The other day my mother told me she mentioned to her that I asked her to be in the delivery room... Crazy.. But We laughed about that one together lol
One day she was upset at my SO for not stopping by (he'd been saying he was going over for days and never made it which is why she was annoyed, understandable) and called the house. She told me to relay to him she was 'done' with him and once the baby is born expect her to only come by to pick him up and leave. It was a joke she laughed off but added to her obvious case of baby rabies I think she really expects to do this.
On Thanksgiving she mentioned the next one (with my son there, he'll be 6 months by then) she'll be sneaking him food. By 6 months I don't think I would mind giving him little tastes of our food, but saying she'll "sneak" it to him rubbed me the wrong way.
She had her first daughter pretty young and her own mother had her a lot of the time so I feel like she is expecting her grandmother experience to be similar, in that she's going to be playing a bigger role than she actually will.
She is a genuinely nice woman, I have no other real issues with. Although she lives right down the block I only see her a few times a month, (if that) and never for very long. I'm also an introvert and don't talk much so I'm usually just home anyway.
I wrote all of this to say once my son is here I know I'm going to have to shut a lot of stuff down but I don't want to be mean about it. I'm pretty territorial and she's sensitive, paired with him being my first son and her grandmother expectations; I see us butting heads a lot. My SO is very protective of me, and will tell her like it is if I express to him my concerns. I just don't want the conflict to damage our relationship.
So I guess my question is, after given all of these examples do you see her getting worse once my son is born? Could this just be normal excitement that will wear off as he grows? And if not what can/should I do to begin building boundaries now?
Like I said I don't see or speak to her often so these things are kind of once in a blue, but we do only live one block away, so crazy can easily happen once my son is born.
(ETA spaces btwn paragraphs)