So I posted about this issue on my Birth Board about a month ago and several posters said I should visit DWIL board. Things have kind of escalated to involve DH so I just need some outside advice. I have three issues:
I'm a FTM, currently 22 weeks pregnant. Starting several weeks ago, MIL started peppering us about babysitting. She has requested dates that she will have the baby that include every weekend, any work days she will have off of work and a night during each week for her to get the baby so we will go out. Don't get me wrong- I appreciate having help but I'm not setting dates to give away my unborn child half way through my pregnancy. I told her I am sure we will take her up on babysitting sometimes, but we won't want to leave our baby several times a week or be away from him every weekend. Her response was that she's going to be a stranger to the baby and that her grandchild will barely know her.
My next concern is visiting after baby is born. My in laws have already said they are going to stop by a lot after the baby is born. Of course I am fine with them visiting! However, I want to set boundaries so that they are not coming over everyday or unannounced.
Last and biggest concern is directly after delivery. I told DH I would really like to have just an hour after birth before we have any visitors. I just want to enjoy a few moments of being a family of three before our families take the baby. Plus I may be getting stitched up and my boobs will probably be out. I will be learning how to breastfeed and I don't want an audience while I learn a new skill. This goes for both my parents and his. Dh's response to this was "Good luck breaking that news to them." And "No one will see your boobs."These two sentences are literally all he will say on the matter.
So clearly I have a DH problem. We are on the same page about the babysitting but he doesn't want to talk to his mom about it. He said he doesn't want any confrontation so he said he'd rather deal with all of this when it happens in the moment. Even if he didn't agree with me, I just want him to talk to me about it. He pretty much just doesn't care.
I think I need to set boundaries with my in laws before the baby comes. I also don't think its fair to them that they have all of these expectations that won't be met. But before that can happen, I need to be on the same page as my DH which feels impossible. I understand delivery, visits and babysitting are far away, but his parents are the one bringing it up every time we see them so I feel like it's an issue right now. I'm pretty shocked at DH's attitude because we had a problem with extremely frequent visiting after we bought our house. DH took it upon himself to ask his parents not to just stop over unannounced and he spaced out their visits without me getting involved at all. We see them about every other week at this point.
I need some feedback on if I'm being unreasonable about the above issues. How do I set boundaries with in laws when DH doesn't care?
*Edited to fix some typos*