My husband and I have been together for 11 years, married for 7 and I'm really struggling with the fact that I just can't fit in with his family. I like them all enough individually but the reality is that if we didn't have my husband in common, none of us would be friends. I'm just the complete opposite of them and don't function the way they do.
His family is very close. His parents, brother and SIL and sister all bought a single family house together because they like living together, the extended family is at the house all the time, especially all weekend, they all like to be in the same room talking and debating back and forth about stuff. They're very loud and overwhelming. They also all drink a lot (except his parents, they don't drink). Not alcoholic day drinking but every weekend and some evenings it's let's hang out and drink and watch the game or play board games. If they had their way, we'd live there too or at least be there every day.
I'm the complete opposite. I hate being in big groups, I get overwhelmed by loud people, I would rather be around 2 or 3 other people at a time than a big group. I need my own space and get anxious when everyone is around me. I also don't drink at all. I get sick when I do and its just not worth it to me. I'm also 28 weeks pregnant with our second which makes me want to stay home and have quiet time even more. I seriously couldn't be more different from them.
I adore my MIL and she actually watches our almost 2 year old while we work. My SIL only works 2 days a week so she's also with him for a big chunk of the week too. The thing is though that they spend all week with him and then want to be with him all weekend too. I hate that I have to work and I really cherish every second I get with my son so on the weekends, I want to spend time with him and my husband. When we go to their house, there are a million people around and I don't get any time with him. I kind of feel like, they get him all week, the weekend should be mine. Even last weekend we were there and I was trying to feed him and put his pajamas on but someone was in his face the whole time. They don't give any space. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we should never see them on the weekends but I just don't think it should be all weekend every weekend.
The problem is that because I don't agree to do everything they want us to do, I'm the bitch and I'm thr bad guy. I know they just tolerate me because of my husband. The thing is, it's really not just me. There is an aunt and uncle who both married into the family and in the past they've both come up to me at family event and, unprompted, said "I understand. I married into this too." I don't get to see his aunt much but actually did last weekend and when I asked everyone to give me 5 minutes to get my son ready for bed, she could tell I was frustrated and even said something to me about how I'm just trying to take care of him but I get thr bitch role for it.
Sorry this is so long, I just don't know what to do. I had a breakdown last nigjt about it and while my husband is understanding and never pushes me to go with them if I don't want to, he also doesn't really have many comforting things to say. Last night I was crying about just not being able to function like they do and how I know my son loves to be around everyone which makes me feel like he's just going to hate me like they do when hr grows up and he just hugged me and said no one hates me. It didn't make me feel better. Plus I worry about it just being a matter of time before my husband gets sick of me not fitting in.
I just don't know what to do. I'm so different from them and that's not going to change. I try to do at least one thing with them every weekend but it's never enough and I'm always going to be the bad guy in the group.
His family is very close. His parents, brother and SIL and sister all bought a single family house together because they like living together, the extended family is at the house all the time, especially all weekend, they all like to be in the same room talking and debating back and forth about stuff. They're very loud and overwhelming. They also all drink a lot (except his parents, they don't drink). Not alcoholic day drinking but every weekend and some evenings it's let's hang out and drink and watch the game or play board games. If they had their way, we'd live there too or at least be there every day.
I'm the complete opposite. I hate being in big groups, I get overwhelmed by loud people, I would rather be around 2 or 3 other people at a time than a big group. I need my own space and get anxious when everyone is around me. I also don't drink at all. I get sick when I do and its just not worth it to me. I'm also 28 weeks pregnant with our second which makes me want to stay home and have quiet time even more. I seriously couldn't be more different from them.
I adore my MIL and she actually watches our almost 2 year old while we work. My SIL only works 2 days a week so she's also with him for a big chunk of the week too. The thing is though that they spend all week with him and then want to be with him all weekend too. I hate that I have to work and I really cherish every second I get with my son so on the weekends, I want to spend time with him and my husband. When we go to their house, there are a million people around and I don't get any time with him. I kind of feel like, they get him all week, the weekend should be mine. Even last weekend we were there and I was trying to feed him and put his pajamas on but someone was in his face the whole time. They don't give any space. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we should never see them on the weekends but I just don't think it should be all weekend every weekend.
The problem is that because I don't agree to do everything they want us to do, I'm the bitch and I'm thr bad guy. I know they just tolerate me because of my husband. The thing is, it's really not just me. There is an aunt and uncle who both married into the family and in the past they've both come up to me at family event and, unprompted, said "I understand. I married into this too." I don't get to see his aunt much but actually did last weekend and when I asked everyone to give me 5 minutes to get my son ready for bed, she could tell I was frustrated and even said something to me about how I'm just trying to take care of him but I get thr bitch role for it.
Sorry this is so long, I just don't know what to do. I had a breakdown last nigjt about it and while my husband is understanding and never pushes me to go with them if I don't want to, he also doesn't really have many comforting things to say. Last night I was crying about just not being able to function like they do and how I know my son loves to be around everyone which makes me feel like he's just going to hate me like they do when hr grows up and he just hugged me and said no one hates me. It didn't make me feel better. Plus I worry about it just being a matter of time before my husband gets sick of me not fitting in.
I just don't know what to do. I'm so different from them and that's not going to change. I try to do at least one thing with them every weekend but it's never enough and I'm always going to be the bad guy in the group.
