My MIL and I generally get along fairly well, but there have been some bumps in the road due to her serious codependency and boundary issues.
Last weekend my DH and I went out of town. She lives about two hours away and came into babysit (at her ardent request). Friday morning I texted her to see how DD was doing and how she did at swim lessons. MIL responds, "What are you doing uo? She is doing great! Lots of fun! :)" Later she sends me pictures of DD outside playing. She never responds to my question about swim lessons. She says DD (3.5) wants to send a video instead of talking and sends a video.
We come home Sunday night. I ask DD how swim lessons went in the car (MIL is in car too). DD says, "I never went to swim lessons because I got sick." I ask MIL if this is true, she says DD threw up on Thursday night and didn't go to lessons. I ask why she didn't tell me about it, and she tells me, "I was a little too busy taking care of her to talk."
I'm not mad or upset about how she cared for my child. Kids get sick and it seemed like she handled it well. I'm very, very angry that she lied to me. She told me she could tell that I was ticked and I said I didn't want to talk about it right now (out of fear I might punch her in the face). She knows I'm mad.
I don't want her to watch my kid anymore. If you can't be honest with me about the well being of my child, you're out of the circle of trust and you don't babysit. But I don't know how to communicate this to her without burning the relationship to the ground and upsetting my DH, who thinks his mom is a saint.
DH doesn't seem to give a flying leap about the fact that she lied. He says DD is OK and that's what's important. He acknowledges that she lied but doesn't think this action should have any consequences. He implies that our relationship (and somehow, me) is responsible for the fact that MIL didn't feel comfortable telling me the truth. After a long talk, he offered to talk to her, but wants me to tell him what to say. So.... what do should we say? To get the point across, establish some boundaries, but not go totally nuclear?
