OK, so I have some background on here from when our babies were first born.
http://community.babycenter.com/post/a58374190/mil_revealed_herself?cpg=1
Basically, MIL isn't comfortable with DW being married to a woman. We each had a baby in August 2015, two boys born 6 days apart. MIL thought she deserved to be at DW's birth, and was mad when we shot that down. She then acted like DW only had 1 baby (her bio baby), particularly on FB. DW told me she was going to put her on a TO, but that lasted all of 2 weeks.
We have since seen MIL 3 times since the babies were born. Once when they were ~4 weeks old, at christmas (when all the grandparents came to visit, it was ok, basically she was buffered by the other GP) and just last week.
Last week I had a conference in a city close to where MIL lives. So we agreed to have her come stay for 2 days of the conference (in a hotel, we stayed elsewhere in a AirBnB). Of course during the visit MIL was constantly on FB. She is just an addict, I've never known anyone to be so addicted to their phone! We would go for walks and she would fall blocks behind because she was on FB on her phone, it's nuts. She's constantly snapping pics and posting them. Of course we don't even see these pictures until hours/days later when we get on FB. We aren't on there very much, espically during this trip since we were swamped with baby care and conferencing (MIL is not exactly helpful when it comes to baby care during visits).
After MIL left DW gets on FB and realizes there are AGAIN a ton of pics of her bio baby and none of our other son. In addition, MIL posted pics of DW nursing where you could see most of her breasts. Not a big deal (the boob pics) overall, but it would be nice to be asked before pics of your boobs are posted all over the internet!
So DW texts her to ask to talk about the FB issues, and MIL throws a hissy fit, saying 'just let me know what I've done wrong this time' over and over. DW waited a few days before calling her because she was so mad. Then when she called her she reiterated again how only posting pics of her bio baby was not right. Of course MIL threw a tantrum, whined about how she felt she couldn't 'do anything right on my own FB page' and then took all the pics down. Good. Fine.
So yesterday we were driving home from the conference city. MIL texts DW early on in the day 3 times. We don't answer because we're driving with 2 babies. We were literally pumping milk and bottle feeding in the car, in addition to trying to entertain them while they screamed. We didn't exactly have much extra time for texting.
We get home and later that night we check FB. MIL has posted a meme from 'nascissistic and emotional abuse page about 'don't let anyone cut you off from your family' blah blah. Obviously she thinks I'm cutting DW off from her.
Then she posts this about her husband's daughter. Her husband is DW's stepdad, but MIL married him after DW went to college, so he was never a father figure in her life and she's only met her step sister a few times.
'Step daughter' I just wanted to say thank you for ALWAYS replying to our texts, emails and posts. We really appreciate the love and respect you show us.'
So, where to go from here? DW and I had a talk last night and she realizes her tactics aren't working. She said things like how she's been trying to 'help her mom understand' how to treat our boys equally. I pointed out how rediculous this was. I mean, embarassingly rediculous. And DW agreed after I pointed it out to her. MIL treats the babies pretty equally when we are together in person, but the image she presents to the world on her very active FB account (where she always tags DW) is that she has only 1 real grandbaby.
I mean, I just want a CO. We both agree that she brings nothing to our lives. She causes DW so much anxiety. Unfortunately DW just can't bring herself to CO. Also, we've gone to counseling (seeBG link) and our therapist had a HUGE fucking unicorn for MIL, which I think hurt my cause more than anything.
Sorry this is so long. I'm just so frustrated. DW wants to wait a few days to text MIL. I want to BH, but I also want to send a TO letter, so I'm not sure what to do or what I should be trying to convince DW to do.