I've been lurking for a while but probably should have asked for advice a long time ago. There is lots of background with my older sister and mother but don't want to make this too long. Bottom line is older sis and I have never gotten along. Things got worse after I had my oldest daughter (mother thinks it's a jealousy thing). We've had numerous fights that have led to TOs in the past 7 years...some for petty reasons (i.e. she flipped out when younger sis and I took a day trip and didn't invite her) and others were for what I consider to be bigger offenses (i.e. when my now husband and I started dating she called my daughter's bio dad to tell him he should fight me for custody because I was out dating when I should have been home with DD).
There's been a pattern for the past 7 years: 1. Sister gets pissed off over something 2. Sister flips out and spews hatred (and is really good at being really hurtful) 3. TO (from both ends in the form of just ignoring each other for a while; not actually an "official" TO I guess) 4. Sister decides she wants to be nice again so finds some random excuse to resume contact (i.e. parents 25th wedding anniversary) 5. Everybody rug sweeps. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Obviously, we've been doing this all wrong (especially the rug sweeping part). Problem is my mom is hell bent on all her children getting along and being able to do holidays together and have our children know their cousins blah, blah, blah. To the point where if I am fighting with sister she lets it affect my relationship with her (i.e. she made my wedding planning experience miserable because I wasn't including older sister in my bridal party and had a minor tantrum at my wedding). I know all you ladies would say then TO/CO for mom too but I'm just not ready to do that (I know, I know).
Current issue: sister and I have been LC for the past year (basically holidays and birthdays). She had surgery and my mom was supposed to take her son overnight but came down with flu. I stepped up and took him. When she came to get him following day the kids were dying Easter eggs. She took pictures and posted them on debil. She is blocked so I didn't know at first but my aunt made a comment to me about me looking great (I'm 38 weeks pregnant) so I put two and two together and asked her about it. She said she did post pics (and of course got offended). I asked her nicely to not do so in the future without my permission. Fast forward to Easter 2 weeks later and guess who posts pics of my kids on the debil again! I confront her about it. She gets offended and spews hatred. I tell her she's no longer allowed to take pics of my kids and BH the rest of her crazy texts. She sends a non-apology to my husband. He BHs too.
Today I get a random text asking if my oldest DD has seen some play. I'm assuming this is an attempt to rug sweep. I BH. I get another text a few hours later asking if I'm ignoring her. Dafuq?!?!?! I'm considering sending the following text...
Yes, I am ignoring you and will continue to do so until you've done the following;
1. ACKNOWLEDGE that what you did was wrong (without trying to further justify your actions)
2. APOLOGIZE
3. ACCEPT the consequences of your actions (you are no longer allowed to take pictures of my children until you've earned my trust back)
Any other communication from you will be ignored.
What do you ladies think?? Too demanding/harsh?
I honestly don't think she cares enough to actually do any of those things. If she does I know it will only be because she doesn't want to miss being around when this baby comes (she likes the babies fresh out of the vag).
I apologize if I've committed any DWIL blunders. This is my first post!
Please help!!
There's been a pattern for the past 7 years: 1. Sister gets pissed off over something 2. Sister flips out and spews hatred (and is really good at being really hurtful) 3. TO (from both ends in the form of just ignoring each other for a while; not actually an "official" TO I guess) 4. Sister decides she wants to be nice again so finds some random excuse to resume contact (i.e. parents 25th wedding anniversary) 5. Everybody rug sweeps. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Obviously, we've been doing this all wrong (especially the rug sweeping part). Problem is my mom is hell bent on all her children getting along and being able to do holidays together and have our children know their cousins blah, blah, blah. To the point where if I am fighting with sister she lets it affect my relationship with her (i.e. she made my wedding planning experience miserable because I wasn't including older sister in my bridal party and had a minor tantrum at my wedding). I know all you ladies would say then TO/CO for mom too but I'm just not ready to do that (I know, I know).
Current issue: sister and I have been LC for the past year (basically holidays and birthdays). She had surgery and my mom was supposed to take her son overnight but came down with flu. I stepped up and took him. When she came to get him following day the kids were dying Easter eggs. She took pictures and posted them on debil. She is blocked so I didn't know at first but my aunt made a comment to me about me looking great (I'm 38 weeks pregnant) so I put two and two together and asked her about it. She said she did post pics (and of course got offended). I asked her nicely to not do so in the future without my permission. Fast forward to Easter 2 weeks later and guess who posts pics of my kids on the debil again! I confront her about it. She gets offended and spews hatred. I tell her she's no longer allowed to take pics of my kids and BH the rest of her crazy texts. She sends a non-apology to my husband. He BHs too.
Today I get a random text asking if my oldest DD has seen some play. I'm assuming this is an attempt to rug sweep. I BH. I get another text a few hours later asking if I'm ignoring her. Dafuq?!?!?! I'm considering sending the following text...
Yes, I am ignoring you and will continue to do so until you've done the following;
1. ACKNOWLEDGE that what you did was wrong (without trying to further justify your actions)
2. APOLOGIZE
3. ACCEPT the consequences of your actions (you are no longer allowed to take pictures of my children until you've earned my trust back)
Any other communication from you will be ignored.
What do you ladies think?? Too demanding/harsh?
I honestly don't think she cares enough to actually do any of those things. If she does I know it will only be because she doesn't want to miss being around when this baby comes (she likes the babies fresh out of the vag).
I apologize if I've committed any DWIL blunders. This is my first post!
Please help!!