I am so irritated. Apologies for the length. BG: MIL is not toxic, but she is pushy, whiny, weepy, entitled, sweetly manipulative and annoying as hell. She was a shitty absentee mom to DH (she was a total knockout and chose to party and woo dudes instead of being a parent), then when she got older all of a sudden she expected then-20yo DH to be right there waiting and ready to deliver her the Norman Rockwell perfect family thing. DH shuts her down no problem, but does maintain a relationship with her because our kids love her and really she's not mean-spirited or anything.
She has this fantasy in her head about how "family" is supposed to be. Like when we lived near her, she wanted to get together ALL the time and thought that was normal (she seemed genuinely stunned that my sister and I didn't have Sunday dinner with our parents every week when we all lived in the same town). And heaven forbid the kids and I try to do something with my own mom and dad without including her. We had to do stuff on the sly and if she found out, she'd be all offended we didn't include her. And she aggressively lobbied to move into our house and become our nanny. That's just a couple of examples - her ridiculous expectations are limitless and she puts us in the position of having to say "no" very frequently.
So now my cousin is getting married. My MIL was not originally invited, but she found out about it and next thing you know she's asking for my cousin's address to write a "congratulations" card (which I'm sure included manipulative things like "I'm sure the wedding will be beautiful for all those lucky enough to be able to celebrate with you"). And of course MIL gets an invitation because my cousin is a nice person.
Then MIL is texting DH talking about the wedding and how much she's looking forward to having a mother-son dance with him (DH is cringing at the thought). She will be following us around and staring at DH and weeping and reminiscing about her marriage to FIL even though he divorced her like 40 years ago (after FIL died, MIL said he came to her in a dream and said they were meant to be together forever...).
It is going to SUCK. Like really suck. DH is already stressed out about it. Her presence is going to ruin this event for me and DH. I don't think it's acceptable to ask her not to go to the wedding, and I'm not sure I would do that anyway. We can usually keep the crazy at bay by simply limiting time with her, and I'm a big fan of "you are the only one who can control your attitude," but in this case she is going to be up our collective ass during the entire event and its going to make us crazy.
Is there anything I can do here? I was so excited for this wedding. MIL is going to ruin it for me and DH. I'm considering having me or DH call her and telling her there will be no mother-son dance, and she better act fucking normal (NO following DH around, no weeping or crying). I feel like it's fucking futile, though. We are dealing with a person who has no boundaries and doesn't even think twice about scamming an invitation to a wedding.
She has this fantasy in her head about how "family" is supposed to be. Like when we lived near her, she wanted to get together ALL the time and thought that was normal (she seemed genuinely stunned that my sister and I didn't have Sunday dinner with our parents every week when we all lived in the same town). And heaven forbid the kids and I try to do something with my own mom and dad without including her. We had to do stuff on the sly and if she found out, she'd be all offended we didn't include her. And she aggressively lobbied to move into our house and become our nanny. That's just a couple of examples - her ridiculous expectations are limitless and she puts us in the position of having to say "no" very frequently.
So now my cousin is getting married. My MIL was not originally invited, but she found out about it and next thing you know she's asking for my cousin's address to write a "congratulations" card (which I'm sure included manipulative things like "I'm sure the wedding will be beautiful for all those lucky enough to be able to celebrate with you"). And of course MIL gets an invitation because my cousin is a nice person.
Then MIL is texting DH talking about the wedding and how much she's looking forward to having a mother-son dance with him (DH is cringing at the thought). She will be following us around and staring at DH and weeping and reminiscing about her marriage to FIL even though he divorced her like 40 years ago (after FIL died, MIL said he came to her in a dream and said they were meant to be together forever...).
It is going to SUCK. Like really suck. DH is already stressed out about it. Her presence is going to ruin this event for me and DH. I don't think it's acceptable to ask her not to go to the wedding, and I'm not sure I would do that anyway. We can usually keep the crazy at bay by simply limiting time with her, and I'm a big fan of "you are the only one who can control your attitude," but in this case she is going to be up our collective ass during the entire event and its going to make us crazy.
Is there anything I can do here? I was so excited for this wedding. MIL is going to ruin it for me and DH. I'm considering having me or DH call her and telling her there will be no mother-son dance, and she better act fucking normal (NO following DH around, no weeping or crying). I feel like it's fucking futile, though. We are dealing with a person who has no boundaries and doesn't even think twice about scamming an invitation to a wedding.