Moo and Dad reign all mighty and powerful over all FOO and friends (they even turned one of my own friends against me, held her wedding shower, invited me, yet got invited to and went to her wedding without me - I wasn't invited! ) and are CO **TRIGGER ***CO is due to ongoing emotional abuse, narccisism, shaming, guilt, gossip, manipulation, abusive outbursts, MOO charging at me, name calling, threats from Moo to harm herself when I was 2 days pp, and of course my ongoing flashbacks and depression due to this and memories of regular physical abuse/ violence towards me growing up. **END TRIGGER ***
Many of FOO have become flying monkeys due to MOOS manipulation and playing the victim and gossip about me. They contact me only to convince me to 'get over it', and remind me of how wonderful MOO is (she also always plays the hero, and is currently studying to become a 'spiritual leader' under which most FOO and friends already follow) and how either they don't believe me or else condone MOOS abuse towards me and remind me of what a horrible, rotten, ungrateful, selfish daughter I am. Hence most of FOO are also CO.
Problem: Do I reach out to my dying aunt (MOOS 2nd oldest sister) who has throat cancer or her daughter / my cuz to console her? Cuz has called me once after I accidentally ran into her with dd (no one on MOOS side has met dd 5 mos old) . I now have the 1st oldest aunt (who is CO) contacting me by an anonymous number, telling me 2nd oldest aunt has only days to live.
Although I feel sad for cuz , and guilty about not consoling her or aunt or visiting, she doesn't get how nuts my parents are because she only sees when they play hero (like for her mom) . She knows all about the family drama and all of the CO'S but isn't directly involved hence not CO but no relationship has been pursued because when I see her she wants to rugsweep and also tell me how wonderful my parents are/ she knows they love me, they are helping her dying MOO so much and are such wonderful people etc... I don't see much for me in our relationship plus we've never really been in touch, although I feel she is genuinely good hearted and has always been very pleasant and kind. She's never participated or chimed in in a hurtful way like everyone else before besides rugsweeping and advocating for my parents when I see her.
I am in therapy recovering from my parents abuse. I have depression, post traumatic stress, trauma, and borderline personality disorder.2 days After my lo was born, moo threatened to harm herself because we weren't having visitors for the first week. Then she got the family to gang up on me and write nasty emails and texts about what a horrible, selfish, ungrateful, mean, hurtful person I was 2 days post partum! Previously she had been Co for 5 years, so this started another Co of course including any family that were involved / supported them.
This cousin didn't chime in but the family dynamic is really messy and akward / codependant and emeshed with everyone else. I'm sure they'll know if I talk to her, or have something to say to guilt me if I show up to support my dying aunt at her bedside. I know the family's knowledge of any support I show dying aunt will be used as ammo to hurt me more because of all the CO'S. Although I believe they all think it is also my duty to show up or 'do something'. Dying aunt isn't specifically CO but I have had no contact or relationship with her for around 10 years partly because I don't see any relatives because of MOO (she has 3 sisters and 3 nieces and spends her time gossiping to them about me) but also lack of motivation since I and sis were the only family not invited by her to cuz's wedding (same cuz) over 10 years ago because supposedly we were on our cellphones at another cuz's wedding a few years before (I don't think I was but I guess this was a problem???) .
I feel so guilty, but torn. If the rest of FOO find out I've seen or been with dying aunt and cuz, I know they will have something to say about it. I don't think I can handle all the potential attacks and subsequent triggers and how much worse this will be for my mental health and recovery. But I know it would mean a lot to cuz and aunt to see me and dd. The family used to be so close, but I've felt like such a scapegoat and outsider for so long. I've always cared when no one else has, but then this has also been expected of me. I'm an expert 'caretaker', I was trained since childhood that I didn't matter, but my parents were supreme beings. And I always got to be the punching bag or the doormat. Always unimportant, uninteresting and invalidated. I feel so guilty and sad for cuz who has no other sis's, just a bro. What would you do?
Many of FOO have become flying monkeys due to MOOS manipulation and playing the victim and gossip about me. They contact me only to convince me to 'get over it', and remind me of how wonderful MOO is (she also always plays the hero, and is currently studying to become a 'spiritual leader' under which most FOO and friends already follow) and how either they don't believe me or else condone MOOS abuse towards me and remind me of what a horrible, rotten, ungrateful, selfish daughter I am. Hence most of FOO are also CO.
Problem: Do I reach out to my dying aunt (MOOS 2nd oldest sister) who has throat cancer or her daughter / my cuz to console her? Cuz has called me once after I accidentally ran into her with dd (no one on MOOS side has met dd 5 mos old) . I now have the 1st oldest aunt (who is CO) contacting me by an anonymous number, telling me 2nd oldest aunt has only days to live.
Although I feel sad for cuz , and guilty about not consoling her or aunt or visiting, she doesn't get how nuts my parents are because she only sees when they play hero (like for her mom) . She knows all about the family drama and all of the CO'S but isn't directly involved hence not CO but no relationship has been pursued because when I see her she wants to rugsweep and also tell me how wonderful my parents are/ she knows they love me, they are helping her dying MOO so much and are such wonderful people etc... I don't see much for me in our relationship plus we've never really been in touch, although I feel she is genuinely good hearted and has always been very pleasant and kind. She's never participated or chimed in in a hurtful way like everyone else before besides rugsweeping and advocating for my parents when I see her.
I am in therapy recovering from my parents abuse. I have depression, post traumatic stress, trauma, and borderline personality disorder.2 days After my lo was born, moo threatened to harm herself because we weren't having visitors for the first week. Then she got the family to gang up on me and write nasty emails and texts about what a horrible, selfish, ungrateful, mean, hurtful person I was 2 days post partum! Previously she had been Co for 5 years, so this started another Co of course including any family that were involved / supported them.
This cousin didn't chime in but the family dynamic is really messy and akward / codependant and emeshed with everyone else. I'm sure they'll know if I talk to her, or have something to say to guilt me if I show up to support my dying aunt at her bedside. I know the family's knowledge of any support I show dying aunt will be used as ammo to hurt me more because of all the CO'S. Although I believe they all think it is also my duty to show up or 'do something'. Dying aunt isn't specifically CO but I have had no contact or relationship with her for around 10 years partly because I don't see any relatives because of MOO (she has 3 sisters and 3 nieces and spends her time gossiping to them about me) but also lack of motivation since I and sis were the only family not invited by her to cuz's wedding (same cuz) over 10 years ago because supposedly we were on our cellphones at another cuz's wedding a few years before (I don't think I was but I guess this was a problem???) .
I feel so guilty, but torn. If the rest of FOO find out I've seen or been with dying aunt and cuz, I know they will have something to say about it. I don't think I can handle all the potential attacks and subsequent triggers and how much worse this will be for my mental health and recovery. But I know it would mean a lot to cuz and aunt to see me and dd. The family used to be so close, but I've felt like such a scapegoat and outsider for so long. I've always cared when no one else has, but then this has also been expected of me. I'm an expert 'caretaker', I was trained since childhood that I didn't matter, but my parents were supreme beings. And I always got to be the punching bag or the doormat. Always unimportant, uninteresting and invalidated. I feel so guilty and sad for cuz who has no other sis's, just a bro. What would you do?