Updates: 7, 11, 13, 21, 27, 36, 42, 46, 48, 53, 57, 68, 70, 74, 80, 87, 92, 94, 98, 101
In December, my DH sent his parents a short letter stating,
We are in the process of creating and enforcing healthy boundaries for our family. The following are items that are of importance to us.
Do not offer the kids sweets, snacks, sugar-water, or any other treats. If you are unsure, ask us first but do not ask us in front of the kids.
We will invite you to special events and other family functions such as soccer games as it fits our schedule. Do not ask each week, leave it up to us.
No more gifts of toys or clothes for the children except for Christmas and their birthdays. This includes stocking your house with toys and clothes for the kids.
No more electronics. No television, no iPads, cell phones, etc. We do not want the kids playing games and watching TV when we are there to visit.
we know that you want a close relationship with us and the kids We want that too. Your cooperation with these boundaries will help us to build that relationship.
Their response was:
Wanted to respond to your email in which you are very clear about the boundaries you have set for your family and we appreciate where you are coming from as parents.
We have never tried to intrude but to step-up with help and support when needed and never intentionally over-step or abuse our role as grandparents.
In hopes of encouraging some understanding of where we come from as grandparents, here are links to articles we think are informative: [EDITED TO DELETE LINK. SORRY QUEENS!]
Our wish is for more open communication to facilitate consideration and respect for everyone's concerns and feelings.
With love...
They recently returned from vacation and I am concerned that they've purchased gifts for our children and that they're email is basically telling us that our boundaries are up for discussion, which they are not. Do we respond? Do we black hole? Am I over-reacting? What do I do if they did buy gifts?
ETA: I hate their fucking email response. It's condescending and ignores that they have never respected our boundaries so we have to lay them out in writing and be forceful.