I'm seeking both advice and opinions. My primary question is " Should I continue to have MIL babysit during my DH work travel?.
Both my Dh and I have small families. Between both families the only available childcare option is my MIL. She lives 3 hours from our home and sometimes drives to us for 3 day spans of time to babysit overnight while I work 3rd shift. She does not want money for sitting but we try to be extra/very generous when giving Christmas and Birthday gifts. ( Think weekend cruises, laptops etc) We also take her on some of our vacations and pay for her stay.
Over the span of a year it's my guess she spends about 20-30 days at my home for the purpose of overnight babysitting our 2 and 11 year old. The beginning of this year has been crazy and we have asked her for a lot of help. She agreed with out question. She is semi retired but does have a part time job at kohls.
I get along with her for the most part. We have our differences and even had had a few spats. She is a good person with a few bad ( but not harmful or dangerous habits). I thought we had an understanding and respectful relationship until yesterday.
Although she usually watched our kids at our house, she had them at her home this weekend to accommodate her work. My dh and I attended a wedding and slept over at the venue Sat night. Sunday morning I made the 7 hour drive to pick the kids up from her home. When I arrived I walked in to find my two year old with a golf ball size lump on his forehead and a black eye on the opposing side. I literally yelped and said " OMG what happened to him" She panicked and said " ok then I'm not going to take them anymore... this just happened 10 min ago and I didn't get a chance to tell you.. I'm not going to take them anymore this is too much... now you're mad.. this is too much on me... it's too much" Then my 11 year old explained that while she was in the bathroom the baby tried to climb on the table and slipped down hitting his eye on the corner.
I calmed down pretty quick. I realized the baby was in fact ok albeit bruised and that she was very worried I was going to blame her. I said I was sorry I freaked and I was just taken a back by the unexpected sight of him being hurt. She seemed to also calm. We talked about the kids, the traffic I hit on the way to her, the wedding. I thanked her and left.
Twenty min into my drive home my dh called and wanted to know " what happened". It turns out his mother called his sister and his uncle hysterically crying and claiming I accused her of hurting the baby on purpose. Then my sil called my brother to yell at him about what I did to mom. She was " out of breath " from crying. Saying she doesn't want to babysit anymore... it's to much. etc. She made me out to be a crazy person. I feel hurt and confused. I think most moms would have a similar reaction to a banged up two year old.
Now today she is saying she still wants to babysit. She doesn't want to sit down and talk about this until everyone calms down. My dh says we should just see what happens. But here is the problem... he has two work trips coming up and if I have to arrange other child care I need to know last week. I need to know if she really can't handle them or was having a bad day. Is this the start of some crazy drama I will have to deal with while dh is away for work? Do I force the confrontation or just say thanks but no thanks and start looking for other childcare? What do you guys think?
