My ILs are my usual problem but my FOO is no piece of cake either. But I live 400 miles from them so I do t usually have to deal with their shit.
Some BG on FOO: my Gma is very controlling and manipulative. I love her and she's always been good to me but she treats my uncle (her son) and his soon to be wife like most of the MILs on this board. I've told my mom that while she's a wonderful grandmother, she'd be a horrible MIL. She's gone into my uncle's house with the emergency spare key while he was at work, brought groceries like he's a kid, done gardening without asking etc.
While this isn't about her, it's about my mom, it's relevant cause my mom is easily influenced by her. My mom has her own issues...possibly borderline personality d/o, histrionic traits (everything's either perfect or a crisis), has difficulty maintaining friendships etc. She gets more controlling and crazy the more time she spends with Gma. I put her in her place. Relevant history is that she fed my LO formula even though I was EBF because "she was trying to be helpful". I was in the bathroom. She never breastfed and didn't know that it's clearly not helpful cause not feeding means not emptying the breasts which lowers milk production. I flipped out on her.
My SGF was in a tragic car accident last summer, my family made a trip down for the funeral. The service was one day and the burial was the following day. She decided to play gatekeeper, saying Gma wasn't "allowed" to watch LO (even though Gma offered and is capable. My whole family had their kids young so she's not old and feeble) so that I could go to the burial and refused to drive me (I think DH had my car...I don't remember why I couldn't just drive myself). So I missed my SGF's burial because of my own mother. The burial itself was an hour and a half max, Gma would easily have been able to take care of LO for that time...I had toys for him and she has plenty of space to run around. Literally just feed him breakfast and let him play. NBD.
I didn't talk to her for months after that and she ultimately recognized that she should have just driven me and Gma would have been fine. She apologized.
On to current issue.
Remember the histrionics and not being able to maintain friendships? Part of that is cause if something, anything comes up, it's a "crisis" and therefore she doesn't follow through on previous commitments.
She canceled on Easter dinner at my sister's and she was pissed. Cause I think she was one of the few invited so my sister wouldn't have gone out of her way if it was just going to be her and her husband.
Now that my family moved to an urban area, flights between my mom's city and my city are cheap. Because of my work schedule, aside from seeing her around the time of SGF's accident and death, I haven't actually visited in about 2 years. As such, I invited her to come up for ODSs birthday. We looked up flights and chose them. I put them on the calendar. We discussed menus and activities while she would be here (4 days).
Well she calls me today...to cancel (she hadn't actually purchased the tickets yet, which was clue #1 that she'd be cancelling). The excuse? She has to have an endoscopy.
Ok, I have severe GERD and as such, I've earned myself endoscopies every 5 years. I can tell you for a fact that they are no big deal. You just need someone to drive you home. My mom's upcoming endoscopy is not because they suspect anything. Probably just routine maintenance and her time has come.
What I don't understand is why she had to specifically schedule it for during the trip such that she "had to cancel" and why a routine endoscopy is more important than seeing her daughter and grandchildren that she hasn't seen in a couple years.
And if she didn't want to come, why tell me that she did?? Why make plans and lead me on just to cancel?
My question to you ladies is: what to do about talking to her. She had called, I was away from my phone so DH answered it, she told him that she needed to cancel the trip, and to "tell Titus to PLEEEAAASSSSEEEE call me!"
I think BH. Maybe I'll visit at Christmas but being on the low end of the employee totem poll, I'll most likely get scheduled to work on Christmas....so maybe next year???
I have no problems BHing or putting her in her place. I was her SG growing up because I "remind her of my dad" (to whom she had a very bitter divorce) while my sister is the GC who doesn't get the same reactions as my mom. Yes my mom canceled Easter at my sister's but in general she doesn't overstep my sister's boundaries like she does mine.
Thanks
Some BG on FOO: my Gma is very controlling and manipulative. I love her and she's always been good to me but she treats my uncle (her son) and his soon to be wife like most of the MILs on this board. I've told my mom that while she's a wonderful grandmother, she'd be a horrible MIL. She's gone into my uncle's house with the emergency spare key while he was at work, brought groceries like he's a kid, done gardening without asking etc.
While this isn't about her, it's about my mom, it's relevant cause my mom is easily influenced by her. My mom has her own issues...possibly borderline personality d/o, histrionic traits (everything's either perfect or a crisis), has difficulty maintaining friendships etc. She gets more controlling and crazy the more time she spends with Gma. I put her in her place. Relevant history is that she fed my LO formula even though I was EBF because "she was trying to be helpful". I was in the bathroom. She never breastfed and didn't know that it's clearly not helpful cause not feeding means not emptying the breasts which lowers milk production. I flipped out on her.
My SGF was in a tragic car accident last summer, my family made a trip down for the funeral. The service was one day and the burial was the following day. She decided to play gatekeeper, saying Gma wasn't "allowed" to watch LO (even though Gma offered and is capable. My whole family had their kids young so she's not old and feeble) so that I could go to the burial and refused to drive me (I think DH had my car...I don't remember why I couldn't just drive myself). So I missed my SGF's burial because of my own mother. The burial itself was an hour and a half max, Gma would easily have been able to take care of LO for that time...I had toys for him and she has plenty of space to run around. Literally just feed him breakfast and let him play. NBD.
I didn't talk to her for months after that and she ultimately recognized that she should have just driven me and Gma would have been fine. She apologized.
On to current issue.
Remember the histrionics and not being able to maintain friendships? Part of that is cause if something, anything comes up, it's a "crisis" and therefore she doesn't follow through on previous commitments.
She canceled on Easter dinner at my sister's and she was pissed. Cause I think she was one of the few invited so my sister wouldn't have gone out of her way if it was just going to be her and her husband.
Now that my family moved to an urban area, flights between my mom's city and my city are cheap. Because of my work schedule, aside from seeing her around the time of SGF's accident and death, I haven't actually visited in about 2 years. As such, I invited her to come up for ODSs birthday. We looked up flights and chose them. I put them on the calendar. We discussed menus and activities while she would be here (4 days).
Well she calls me today...to cancel (she hadn't actually purchased the tickets yet, which was clue #1 that she'd be cancelling). The excuse? She has to have an endoscopy.
Ok, I have severe GERD and as such, I've earned myself endoscopies every 5 years. I can tell you for a fact that they are no big deal. You just need someone to drive you home. My mom's upcoming endoscopy is not because they suspect anything. Probably just routine maintenance and her time has come.
What I don't understand is why she had to specifically schedule it for during the trip such that she "had to cancel" and why a routine endoscopy is more important than seeing her daughter and grandchildren that she hasn't seen in a couple years.
And if she didn't want to come, why tell me that she did?? Why make plans and lead me on just to cancel?
My question to you ladies is: what to do about talking to her. She had called, I was away from my phone so DH answered it, she told him that she needed to cancel the trip, and to "tell Titus to PLEEEAAASSSSEEEE call me!"
I think BH. Maybe I'll visit at Christmas but being on the low end of the employee totem poll, I'll most likely get scheduled to work on Christmas....so maybe next year???
I have no problems BHing or putting her in her place. I was her SG growing up because I "remind her of my dad" (to whom she had a very bitter divorce) while my sister is the GC who doesn't get the same reactions as my mom. Yes my mom canceled Easter at my sister's but in general she doesn't overstep my sister's boundaries like she does mine.
Thanks