SIL is mean to our adopted daughter, MIL doesnt care - UD page 13, 25, 38

BG : DH and I met 10 years ago in my home country. He was a student and he lived next door. We talked everyday, fell in love, and got married 8 years ago and i followed DH move here.

We wanted child right away, but I have fertility issue, so after 3 times failed with ivf we decided to adopt our ODD from an orphanage in my home country 3 years ago. ODD was 4 when she arrived here, and now she is 7 but she speaks perfect english and she integrate better than me. My ILS love her, I have nothing to worry about.

Last year i gave birth to LO. This is unplanned and just happened without we even tried to conceive. Me and DH was excited! ODD also happy with her little sister. But my ILS was TOO OVER EXCITED.

Whenever we come to visit my PIL, they run straight to my LO and barely say hi to ODD. They arent mean or anything, but it is really shows that they favor LO than ODD. This hurts me so much, so i talked to DH about it and DH decided to cut visiting family from once a week to once a month. But then i still noticing that ODD really try her best to avoid the family visit. She started making excuses like stomach ache, homeworks, etc. We couldnt forced her to come ofcourse, but we couldnt leave her alone at home either. In the end we try to persuade her to come, sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt. In the end we made a deal with ODD that we are only visiting PIL once every 2 months.

PIL is not happy with us decreasing our visit. They keep telling us they wanted to see their grand daughter (yes, singular.). We said to them that we are not comfortable visiting them since they favor LO than our ODD so we dont want to hurt ODD feeling. They promise that is not going to happen. But DH is not buying it and keep family visit to once every 2 months.

On january, we were visiting PIL again. That time SIL was also there. ODD didnt want to eat together with us and only want to watch tv. She threw tantrum and DH turn off tv. She was crying and crying. And then SIL said "ah if we knew that you could conceive, we wouldnt have to deal with her" with a loud voice. DH and me was not happy. I think ODD heard it to since she suddenly stop crying completely. I took ODD to bedroom upstairs and DH talked to SIL.

I tried talking to ODD if she heard what aunty said and she said no and she said she is ok. But she is clearly not. Since she starting to speak less and less english. She still speak perfect english at school but not at home. If DH tried to speak in english she will reply in her first language. She also stop arguing with us (which is weird) or give her opinion about everything. She is just become passive.

We CO SIL but PIL said they are not happy with that and SIL will come to their house whether we like it or not. We are now only visiting PIL only on 1 day after holiday holiday (like 2nd easter day). But PIL is not happy and start visiting us every 2 weeks!!!! When they come to us, they try to give ODD attention but ODD refuse to talk english and just ignore them.

I dont know what to do now... i cant CO PIL since they do try. But i cant push ODD, to interact with them. DH also said he miss SIL since she is his only sister, but wont talk to her because he loves ODD.

Sorry long vent..