Been here a while, been a while since I last posted. But here we go.
Background: Mil and i got along pretty great in the beginning, but like any relationship the cotton candy phase ended. We started butting heads because DF has always been team mommy. I'm in no way upset about this, and like that they were close but it started taking a toll on me while I was pregnant with DS. DF has always dropped whatever he has to do to go help his mom with whatever she may need, wether it's changing her breaks or painting a food truck, yardwork etc. It was always pulling teeth with DF trying to get him to help me out around the house. I tried expressing the fact to DF that he has his own family now, and I need just as much help as I can get. He slowly but surely started to get the idea and stopped going to his mom's so much. This is when our relationship started to turn sour.
FFW: I'm pregnant, and I had to leave my job because of constant naseau & vommiting and just not being able to eat or drink anything because of how sick I was. I had to be put on an iv 3 times for dehydration during my pregnancy and it was tough on me. During my pregnancy she kept saying to me and DF "I've had 4 kids and I never threw up once, your taking advantage of being pregnant". This left me a little sour as you can imagine, I kept my mouth shut and didn't say anything to her because I looked at her as my future MIL and I didn't want to have a bad relationship. I even invited her to be there for the birth of our son, because she asked me if she could be there the day we told her Im pregnant. I didn't want to go back on my word even though many things were said to me during my pregnancy that hurt. (Not gonna write everything that was said. Because it was also his sister saying things like that to me too...AND SHE HAS NEVER BEEN PREGNANT so I don't know why she decided to try to get at me too)
FFW: DS is born and everything is great, two weeks before having him MIL told DF that she was going to take off work to come stay with us for the first week we are home. At first I said yes because any help offered I was accepting of. A few days pass, me and DF talk it over and decide we want our first few days home alone with our son, so we can get to know him and bond. Plus I didn't want my boobs out for his mom to see, because I knew there was gonna be tons of times where I just wanted to be topless. I break the news to her that me and DF want to be home with him alone, she goes "well....okay if that's what yall want, I was just gonna help but if yall wanna do it on your own then do it!" I could hear the pissed mom in her voice so I apologized and said you can still come visit, just not stay the night"(I know, I'm a master of tucking my tail) that went over okay but I was all out of things to say so I just ended the call.
The first visit she had in our home, our son was just a few days old and she was asking "have you given this baby rice cereal yet" and I said "no, that we were waiting until he was 4 months to give him cereal, giving them that stuff early can create allergies, also since that's what his doctor told us was best" (let me add that my son's doctor is the doctor that MIL suggested I take him to, since it was also DF pediatrician and we was still in practice) to which she responds "all my babies had peaches the second day they were home, they ain't got no allergies and look at them, they're all still alive"
I didn't say anything. I just shut my mouth and chalked it up to "grandma being grandma".
This keeps happening, almost every encounter I had with her, she brings up what he should be eating and what he should be doing, eventually I told my DF he needs to tell his mom to stop, because she is making me feel like I'm raising my child the wrong way, and that I'm not giving my son what he "needs". He talks to her, it dies down but ONLY when DF is present. DF will leave the room, and it all comes back to her. She starts going at it again. I keep quiet, don't want to start anything.
(Sorry this is so long but please, I need advice)
She comes to the house one day only to stop by for a few minutes, we literally were outside by her car just to say hi (I forgot why she stopped by) and she is holding DS, she turns to us (my son is 5-6 months at the time) and she says "are yall feeding this baby food yet?" Which was odd because 2 nights before me and DF did try to give him pureed food, and he was choking and just couldn't figure it out, so we decided we would wait and try it again in a few days and slowly start to introduce more. DF turns to her and says "yeah we tried but he couldnt handle it so we're going to try again in a day or so" her response was "send him over to my house I'll have him eating no problem" and this is where I jumped in and said "no its okay, we're working on it. It's just gonna take a few tries" and she responded pretty snarky, I can't remember what she said but I remember it being very rude and I just decided to go inside the house. This is the last time that I spoke to my MIL. I had it up to here with her crap, I told DF she obviously doesn't respect us as parents and thinks we're incapable of taking care of our son, always has something to say and can't cut the umbilical cord with DF.
We stay friends on media, and she starts posting tons and tons of pictures of my son, pictures of just him and his dad, pictures of DF as a baby next to DS, and it really upset me. I don't know why it upset me, maybe jealousy that I wasn't also included, or the fact that she's making it look like he's a single father on social media because I wasn't in ONE of the photos.
I bring it up to DF and ask why he looks like a single dad, and he responded "i don't think she does it on purpose, it's just how she is"
A huge fight happened between all of us, DF and his mom. I stop talking to his mom completely, remove her from media because I don't want to see the single dad posts anymore, and say I'm cutting her off from me. I won't allow her to hurt me anymore.
FFW: DS is now 9 months old, and DF and I have had a few conversations about his mom, usually all turned sour because she doesn't think she did anything wrong, and DF kept saying "if you guys both loved me you would work this out" so I really want to try for him, but I can't get past my hate for his mother. Yes hate, she is a rude racist and doesn't give a shit who's feelings she hurts.
DF is in a band and had a concert one night, he invited me to tag along and I brought 2 friends. I was aware she would be there, but didn't think that we would come in contact because we both kind of had a silent agreement to not talk (guess she forgot). I walk into the venue, and she's standing in my way to get past the door guy and a set of tables. She makes direct eye contact and doesn't leave, so I feel obligated to be nice and atleast say hi as I go around her to get by (she was talking to the dooman) I walk up, say hi and introduce my friends, (which by the way didn't know any of my problems with his mom, they just knew we weren't talking. I don't like to spread my personal business even to close friends, that's my life. Not theirs) she shakes one of my friends hands and says rudely AGAIN "oh I'm sure you've heard all about me" and I just walk away.
We don't come in contact the rest of the night, although she tried putting on a show right in front of the stage and was all jumpy and happy and loud and obnoxious. She actually looked quite ridiculous. 50 yr old woman dancing around with a bunch of 18-25yr olds.
I told DF about the incident at the door and tell him I'm ready to leave when he's done, I'd much rather go to another bar and enjoy myself and she can hangout with the young crowd herself. I didn't want him to approach her about it that night, but he did. He walked over to her and said "what you did was very rude and I don't appreciate it" she even said "oh what did I do?"
Skip that incident. That was almost a month ago. We're hitting that point of time where my son's first birthday is coming up. I'm at a loss of what to do, DF keeps telling me that he wants me to fix things with her, but I'm not caving in until I get an apology. And apparently she thinks I owe her one, and is saying the same thing.
For my son's birthday, I'm willing to put the crap aside and deal with her being there. Just don't expect me to pour her a drink or even talk to her. I just want her to be able to see my son's birthday I guess, because he's her grandchild.
Right now I'm stuck at the point where I want to fix things for DF but I'm so hurt and have been hurt time and time again by her and his family in general that I don't even want to look in their direction. DF says that no matter what, she is invited. I just don't know what to do. I cry because all I've ever wanted was a family (parents divorced young and I never had that feeling) and I feel like I'm the black sheep in the family. easter came around, and I wasn't inculded. She called and asked DF "are you and Ian coming for Easter dinner?" And yup, DF and DS went over for Easter while I sat at home and watched movies.
I feel like I was nothing but an incubator to this whole family.
My son's birthday is in july, I don't know what to do in the meantime....try to fix things or is it damaged beyond repair? When I think of his mom all I can hear is all the mean/rude things she has said to me. Does this stage pass?
Background: Mil and i got along pretty great in the beginning, but like any relationship the cotton candy phase ended. We started butting heads because DF has always been team mommy. I'm in no way upset about this, and like that they were close but it started taking a toll on me while I was pregnant with DS. DF has always dropped whatever he has to do to go help his mom with whatever she may need, wether it's changing her breaks or painting a food truck, yardwork etc. It was always pulling teeth with DF trying to get him to help me out around the house. I tried expressing the fact to DF that he has his own family now, and I need just as much help as I can get. He slowly but surely started to get the idea and stopped going to his mom's so much. This is when our relationship started to turn sour.
FFW: I'm pregnant, and I had to leave my job because of constant naseau & vommiting and just not being able to eat or drink anything because of how sick I was. I had to be put on an iv 3 times for dehydration during my pregnancy and it was tough on me. During my pregnancy she kept saying to me and DF "I've had 4 kids and I never threw up once, your taking advantage of being pregnant". This left me a little sour as you can imagine, I kept my mouth shut and didn't say anything to her because I looked at her as my future MIL and I didn't want to have a bad relationship. I even invited her to be there for the birth of our son, because she asked me if she could be there the day we told her Im pregnant. I didn't want to go back on my word even though many things were said to me during my pregnancy that hurt. (Not gonna write everything that was said. Because it was also his sister saying things like that to me too...AND SHE HAS NEVER BEEN PREGNANT so I don't know why she decided to try to get at me too)
FFW: DS is born and everything is great, two weeks before having him MIL told DF that she was going to take off work to come stay with us for the first week we are home. At first I said yes because any help offered I was accepting of. A few days pass, me and DF talk it over and decide we want our first few days home alone with our son, so we can get to know him and bond. Plus I didn't want my boobs out for his mom to see, because I knew there was gonna be tons of times where I just wanted to be topless. I break the news to her that me and DF want to be home with him alone, she goes "well....okay if that's what yall want, I was just gonna help but if yall wanna do it on your own then do it!" I could hear the pissed mom in her voice so I apologized and said you can still come visit, just not stay the night"(I know, I'm a master of tucking my tail) that went over okay but I was all out of things to say so I just ended the call.
The first visit she had in our home, our son was just a few days old and she was asking "have you given this baby rice cereal yet" and I said "no, that we were waiting until he was 4 months to give him cereal, giving them that stuff early can create allergies, also since that's what his doctor told us was best" (let me add that my son's doctor is the doctor that MIL suggested I take him to, since it was also DF pediatrician and we was still in practice) to which she responds "all my babies had peaches the second day they were home, they ain't got no allergies and look at them, they're all still alive"
I didn't say anything. I just shut my mouth and chalked it up to "grandma being grandma".
This keeps happening, almost every encounter I had with her, she brings up what he should be eating and what he should be doing, eventually I told my DF he needs to tell his mom to stop, because she is making me feel like I'm raising my child the wrong way, and that I'm not giving my son what he "needs". He talks to her, it dies down but ONLY when DF is present. DF will leave the room, and it all comes back to her. She starts going at it again. I keep quiet, don't want to start anything.
(Sorry this is so long but please, I need advice)
She comes to the house one day only to stop by for a few minutes, we literally were outside by her car just to say hi (I forgot why she stopped by) and she is holding DS, she turns to us (my son is 5-6 months at the time) and she says "are yall feeding this baby food yet?" Which was odd because 2 nights before me and DF did try to give him pureed food, and he was choking and just couldn't figure it out, so we decided we would wait and try it again in a few days and slowly start to introduce more. DF turns to her and says "yeah we tried but he couldnt handle it so we're going to try again in a day or so" her response was "send him over to my house I'll have him eating no problem" and this is where I jumped in and said "no its okay, we're working on it. It's just gonna take a few tries" and she responded pretty snarky, I can't remember what she said but I remember it being very rude and I just decided to go inside the house. This is the last time that I spoke to my MIL. I had it up to here with her crap, I told DF she obviously doesn't respect us as parents and thinks we're incapable of taking care of our son, always has something to say and can't cut the umbilical cord with DF.
We stay friends on media, and she starts posting tons and tons of pictures of my son, pictures of just him and his dad, pictures of DF as a baby next to DS, and it really upset me. I don't know why it upset me, maybe jealousy that I wasn't also included, or the fact that she's making it look like he's a single father on social media because I wasn't in ONE of the photos.
I bring it up to DF and ask why he looks like a single dad, and he responded "i don't think she does it on purpose, it's just how she is"
A huge fight happened between all of us, DF and his mom. I stop talking to his mom completely, remove her from media because I don't want to see the single dad posts anymore, and say I'm cutting her off from me. I won't allow her to hurt me anymore.
FFW: DS is now 9 months old, and DF and I have had a few conversations about his mom, usually all turned sour because she doesn't think she did anything wrong, and DF kept saying "if you guys both loved me you would work this out" so I really want to try for him, but I can't get past my hate for his mother. Yes hate, she is a rude racist and doesn't give a shit who's feelings she hurts.
DF is in a band and had a concert one night, he invited me to tag along and I brought 2 friends. I was aware she would be there, but didn't think that we would come in contact because we both kind of had a silent agreement to not talk (guess she forgot). I walk into the venue, and she's standing in my way to get past the door guy and a set of tables. She makes direct eye contact and doesn't leave, so I feel obligated to be nice and atleast say hi as I go around her to get by (she was talking to the dooman) I walk up, say hi and introduce my friends, (which by the way didn't know any of my problems with his mom, they just knew we weren't talking. I don't like to spread my personal business even to close friends, that's my life. Not theirs) she shakes one of my friends hands and says rudely AGAIN "oh I'm sure you've heard all about me" and I just walk away.
We don't come in contact the rest of the night, although she tried putting on a show right in front of the stage and was all jumpy and happy and loud and obnoxious. She actually looked quite ridiculous. 50 yr old woman dancing around with a bunch of 18-25yr olds.
I told DF about the incident at the door and tell him I'm ready to leave when he's done, I'd much rather go to another bar and enjoy myself and she can hangout with the young crowd herself. I didn't want him to approach her about it that night, but he did. He walked over to her and said "what you did was very rude and I don't appreciate it" she even said "oh what did I do?"
Skip that incident. That was almost a month ago. We're hitting that point of time where my son's first birthday is coming up. I'm at a loss of what to do, DF keeps telling me that he wants me to fix things with her, but I'm not caving in until I get an apology. And apparently she thinks I owe her one, and is saying the same thing.
For my son's birthday, I'm willing to put the crap aside and deal with her being there. Just don't expect me to pour her a drink or even talk to her. I just want her to be able to see my son's birthday I guess, because he's her grandchild.
Right now I'm stuck at the point where I want to fix things for DF but I'm so hurt and have been hurt time and time again by her and his family in general that I don't even want to look in their direction. DF says that no matter what, she is invited. I just don't know what to do. I cry because all I've ever wanted was a family (parents divorced young and I never had that feeling) and I feel like I'm the black sheep in the family. easter came around, and I wasn't inculded. She called and asked DF "are you and Ian coming for Easter dinner?" And yup, DF and DS went over for Easter while I sat at home and watched movies.
I feel like I was nothing but an incubator to this whole family.
My son's birthday is in july, I don't know what to do in the meantime....try to fix things or is it damaged beyond repair? When I think of his mom all I can hear is all the mean/rude things she has said to me. Does this stage pass?