I'm sorry for how long this might be, I want to be sure I get all the details and leave nothing out. In 2009 my husband was diagnosed with ALS, he passed away 6 months ago after battling bravely. He will always be my hero and my children and I miss him terribly. Miles (my husband) and I have two sons, Miles Jr. and Carter, they are 5 and 6 years old. Those two boys get me through each day. I do not know where I would be without my two amazing sons.
My husbands parents were my sons primary caregivers while my husband was sick. For the first two years of Miles' illness he declined slowly and he wasnt too much different. After two years into the ALS, things went bad very fast. I became HIS primary care giver and Miles parents became our sons. My family lives 500 miles away but I have a healthy relationship with them. But because of the the distance between us, I depended on my husbands parents a LOT. Throught the last three years there have been incidents that have happened, and while they made me angry, I couldnt do much about it because I was at their mercy, afterall they have cared for my children when I wasn't able to.
1. they baptised BOTH of our sons against our wishes. Miles and I do not practice any religion, they are devout catholics.
2. they put our older son Miles Jr. on adhd meds without our knowledge. We did take him off of it once we found out.
3. they switched our sons preschools and kindergarden without consulting us first because the one they had been attending was 45 minutes away from their house and they felt that was too long to drive.
4. They told our sons that their daddy was going to go to heaven because he was baptised as a baby, even though we had chosen not to discuss heaven or hell with our sons (we dont believe in either and wanted our sons to make their own decisions when they were old enough).
5. They took a life insurance policy out on my husband and our sons, without my knowledge. I found out about the life insurance policy on Miles (my husband) in his passing and only after they booked a cruise 3 months after Miles died and approached me about taking our sons on the cruise. They explained that they used his life insurance policy money to pay for part of the trip and were looking at it all as their sons way of funding one last vacation with their family. I didnt want to go, and couldnt even if I had wanted to. I couldnt take time off of work as I had already taken so much off due to Miles passing. Their response to this was "we'll take the boys and go without you".
6. Back to before Miles death, they would buy the boys toys like pretend guns and various other types of toys that Miles and I didnt agree with because we dont condone any kind of violence, even pretend or play kind.
7. They tried to get our sons circumsised against our wishes. We didnt circ at birth and wanted them to make their own choices when they were old enough. Because they were also listed as primary decision makers for our children (because of the circumstances) the only reason why we found out and were able to stop it was the ped office called to verify the pre op appointment with us..
There is SO much more I could list, but Ill stop for now as I feel I've brought the point across. Before I close, I will state this, I have lurked on here for YEARS as a support system, although this is my first time ever posting. I found the forum when Miles Jr. was a baby. I'm aware of the sticky and have obviously read it. PLEASE NO LEGAL ADVICE. I WILL NOT GO THAT ROUTE. FOR ALL THE BULLSHIT HIS PARENTS HAVE PULLED, THEY WERE ALSO OUR SAVING GRACE DURING THE WORST MOMENTS OF OUR LIVES. I'm not yelling, I'm using caplock to try and strss the fact that I will ignore any legal advice (lawyering up, ect ect) as I dont need it, and its against your own guidlines. Also, since these people have been like parents to my sons for years, I WILL NOT CUT OFF. EVER. I know theyre way out of line with a lot of their past indiscressions, but since Miles passing,they have backed way off and havent tried any shennaningans. I WILL NOT CUT OFF.
My question for the wise women and men here would be this; HOW do I reinstate my claim as mother and sole decision maker at this point? I dont want to hurt my sons. They dont see their grandparents as anything but loving and kind. I WILL NOT CUT OFF. Is there a kind of talk or speech I can sit and have with these two people where I dont come off as entitled or ungratful, but where I can make it CLEAR that their roles in my sons lives will be forever different now?
thank you.