Lurker going poster here.
BG: I have been with DH for 6 years now. We are expecting our first at the start of July, all has been going well with the pregnancy and our marriage is stronger than ever. We are currently living with PIL until the baby will be a few months old...we are waiting for our house to finished being renovated and DH and I both suffer from allergies that can be triggered by so many things...mainly new environments (smell wise), carpet, dust, pet hair, etc. Both of us are fine at PIL house as MIL is quite clean and has dealt with DH's allergies his entire life so our lives are a WHOLE LOT EASIER here in terms of that. If push came to absolute shrug, we could find a rental for a short term option until we move back to our house, just putting that out there. It would be a last resort because BELIEVE ME when I say that there is not one rental in ANY suburb we could live due to work commitments that does not have carpet in all the bedrooms and has had pets before etc. so yes, we could move as a last resort, but it would be at the cost of our health pretty much. And also, at 8 months pregnant, fuck that unless it's absolutely necessary.
BG on MIL is not too crazy. She is a mother of 5, bring a mother is what makes her happy, in general she is a loving woman who would do pretty much anything for her children. We had a few issues when DH and I started dating, namely because he is of Mauritian origin and they like to speak French at all times unless they have to speak English (they all speak perfect English and work within the Australian government...). This put a huge barrier between myself and DH family for a while, but we have long hashed those issues out. Overall, she treats me like a daughter and I am quite close to her. DH's family is very close. Usually within each other's business to a degree. This child is the first grandchild for both of our families (no issues with my family really so no BG needed on them) and MIL is freaking out with excitement.
There have been massive boundary stomps from MIL throughout this entire pregnancy, but not from being malicious, she is literally just so excited to be a grandmother. Examples, we told her as soon as I found out I was pregnant (my mistake, I know) I was just too excited and I knew she would be too. DH and I insisted that we were not announcing to anyone until the 13 weeks mark as most people tend to. She insisted and pressured us to tell DH siblings and we gave in, everyone knew something was up anyway as I was immediately losing weight and feeling like absolute crap. The point still stood that we did not want anyone outside of the parents/siblings to know yet. Over the coming weeks, every single fucking person we met were congratulating us on the pregnancy. Family, family friends, distant acquaintances...everyone. MIL just couldn't keep her mouth shut. This upset me a lot, however, we were weeks away from our wedding and I couldn't focus on anything but that at the time, so I guess it just got rugswept. I still did a debil announcement at the 13 week mark and most of my friends etc were surprised as DH and I are in different circles.
We had the first ultrasound, I sent the photos to both of my mothers. DH and I had not wanted to put much baby related stuff up online, we are private people, myself very much so. What comes up on my newsfeed with 35 family members tagged? (DH has 16 aunts and uncles and 68 or so cousins..........) our ultrasound photo. I was livid and told DH I wanted it down NOW. She took it down with protest, not understanding why we didn't want the world to see a picture of my uterus.
The gender reveal came. We did a family dinner and had a gender reveal cake made up. We cut it, with all family in attendance, and WHILE THE KNIFE WAS STILL IN THE CAKE, MIL HAD TAKEN A PHOTO, PUT IT ON DEBIL ANNOUNCING THE GENDER AND TAGGED FUCKING EVERYONE IN IT AGAIN. We didn't specifically say 'no posting photos immediately' on this occasion but in my mind, isn't it obvious theta the parents announce SOMETHING?! I, again, was livid, but by the time I got on and saw it later that night, the damage was done and it was seen by everyone.
Nothing major has happened since then, but she definitely has a superiority complex with parenting as, she thinks since she has done it five times, she is the beacon of light for newbie parents like us. Constantly making comments about how we 'have to' this and 'have to' that. Mainly things about how to discipline a child, or that we need to get the baby used to noise...not sure if she thinks this child will be her play thing to show off to every aunt and uncle that comes along but I can assure you that's not happening.
Nothing...until now.
I've been debating posting here, thinking I was just being paranoid. But I've just been tagged in a new photo on debil...along with 16 others being tagged.
Photo should show up somewhere. The tag said 'DD's wardrobe is ready!' I find this a huge invasion of privacy and I will be asking her to take it down in a minute after I post this.
DH and I have decided that there will be no one welcome in the labour, delivery or even hospital until DD is born and we call people to come and meet her after we have spent time as a family. I also do NOT want ANYONE knowing when I am in labour outside of the parents and siblings which is inevitable. MIL has a tendency to call her siblings in Mauritius (whom DH and I love and adore...but this is still private) and tell them everything. She absolutely would be on the phone to them the minute my water broke to tell them DD is on the way. I also will be the only one announcing the birth and if this boundary is stomped on, WW111 will ensue.
Tips on how to approach this subject. Should it be in person? Group message on the debil? (There's a large family group of the PIL and siblings and partners to keep in touch easier).
Is there anything I'm not thinking of?
BG: I have been with DH for 6 years now. We are expecting our first at the start of July, all has been going well with the pregnancy and our marriage is stronger than ever. We are currently living with PIL until the baby will be a few months old...we are waiting for our house to finished being renovated and DH and I both suffer from allergies that can be triggered by so many things...mainly new environments (smell wise), carpet, dust, pet hair, etc. Both of us are fine at PIL house as MIL is quite clean and has dealt with DH's allergies his entire life so our lives are a WHOLE LOT EASIER here in terms of that. If push came to absolute shrug, we could find a rental for a short term option until we move back to our house, just putting that out there. It would be a last resort because BELIEVE ME when I say that there is not one rental in ANY suburb we could live due to work commitments that does not have carpet in all the bedrooms and has had pets before etc. so yes, we could move as a last resort, but it would be at the cost of our health pretty much. And also, at 8 months pregnant, fuck that unless it's absolutely necessary.
BG on MIL is not too crazy. She is a mother of 5, bring a mother is what makes her happy, in general she is a loving woman who would do pretty much anything for her children. We had a few issues when DH and I started dating, namely because he is of Mauritian origin and they like to speak French at all times unless they have to speak English (they all speak perfect English and work within the Australian government...). This put a huge barrier between myself and DH family for a while, but we have long hashed those issues out. Overall, she treats me like a daughter and I am quite close to her. DH's family is very close. Usually within each other's business to a degree. This child is the first grandchild for both of our families (no issues with my family really so no BG needed on them) and MIL is freaking out with excitement.
There have been massive boundary stomps from MIL throughout this entire pregnancy, but not from being malicious, she is literally just so excited to be a grandmother. Examples, we told her as soon as I found out I was pregnant (my mistake, I know) I was just too excited and I knew she would be too. DH and I insisted that we were not announcing to anyone until the 13 weeks mark as most people tend to. She insisted and pressured us to tell DH siblings and we gave in, everyone knew something was up anyway as I was immediately losing weight and feeling like absolute crap. The point still stood that we did not want anyone outside of the parents/siblings to know yet. Over the coming weeks, every single fucking person we met were congratulating us on the pregnancy. Family, family friends, distant acquaintances...everyone. MIL just couldn't keep her mouth shut. This upset me a lot, however, we were weeks away from our wedding and I couldn't focus on anything but that at the time, so I guess it just got rugswept. I still did a debil announcement at the 13 week mark and most of my friends etc were surprised as DH and I are in different circles.
We had the first ultrasound, I sent the photos to both of my mothers. DH and I had not wanted to put much baby related stuff up online, we are private people, myself very much so. What comes up on my newsfeed with 35 family members tagged? (DH has 16 aunts and uncles and 68 or so cousins..........) our ultrasound photo. I was livid and told DH I wanted it down NOW. She took it down with protest, not understanding why we didn't want the world to see a picture of my uterus.
The gender reveal came. We did a family dinner and had a gender reveal cake made up. We cut it, with all family in attendance, and WHILE THE KNIFE WAS STILL IN THE CAKE, MIL HAD TAKEN A PHOTO, PUT IT ON DEBIL ANNOUNCING THE GENDER AND TAGGED FUCKING EVERYONE IN IT AGAIN. We didn't specifically say 'no posting photos immediately' on this occasion but in my mind, isn't it obvious theta the parents announce SOMETHING?! I, again, was livid, but by the time I got on and saw it later that night, the damage was done and it was seen by everyone.
Nothing major has happened since then, but she definitely has a superiority complex with parenting as, she thinks since she has done it five times, she is the beacon of light for newbie parents like us. Constantly making comments about how we 'have to' this and 'have to' that. Mainly things about how to discipline a child, or that we need to get the baby used to noise...not sure if she thinks this child will be her play thing to show off to every aunt and uncle that comes along but I can assure you that's not happening.
Nothing...until now.
I've been debating posting here, thinking I was just being paranoid. But I've just been tagged in a new photo on debil...along with 16 others being tagged.
Photo should show up somewhere. The tag said 'DD's wardrobe is ready!' I find this a huge invasion of privacy and I will be asking her to take it down in a minute after I post this.
DH and I have decided that there will be no one welcome in the labour, delivery or even hospital until DD is born and we call people to come and meet her after we have spent time as a family. I also do NOT want ANYONE knowing when I am in labour outside of the parents and siblings which is inevitable. MIL has a tendency to call her siblings in Mauritius (whom DH and I love and adore...but this is still private) and tell them everything. She absolutely would be on the phone to them the minute my water broke to tell them DD is on the way. I also will be the only one announcing the birth and if this boundary is stomped on, WW111 will ensue.
Tips on how to approach this subject. Should it be in person? Group message on the debil? (There's a large family group of the PIL and siblings and partners to keep in touch easier).
Is there anything I'm not thinking of?
