So there is a lot of background. And on here. But, DH and I have been working through issues and getting along really well.
So we stopped at DH's mom's house on the way to camping because he had to drop off something for his aunt who was there. Well, of course MIL picks up DD and says I missed you so much. I said we have asked you not to say that to her. Anyways, I thought I forgot DD's favorite babies while we were there. Well, I found them and gave them DD. She hugged them tight and kissed them and said I missed you so much.
Then on Mother's Day, I gave into DH to let them come for a cookout since he said he would really appreciate it. And he has been noticing that I have been making an effort to and trying which has been helping our relationship since he is starting to see their crazy. So she didn't even wish me a Happy Mother's Day fine. Maybe she didn't hear me say it to her, but still. So, DD would ask me to play something and she would keep saying oh here I will, and basically just push me aside as I requested numerous times for her not to do. So I went inside the camper. And DH saw I was upset and asked what was wrong. He said he was sorry and that they wouldn't be there much longer.
So I decided to go for a little walk to let off some steam. I was talking to my mom on the phone and see DD around the bend running. The campground is kind of circular in sections with trees in the middle. Then, I was blocked by some trees. I hear DD crying and I go running to her and yelled her name. DD was in MIL's arms crying and saying Mommy. She jumped out of MIL's arms. MIL is just saying "it's okay, DD you're okay" as I was grabbing her. I said no she is not okay. She is hurt, upset and crying. And I had no idea how bad she hurt herself. Then MIL seemed annoyed and said really snotty "well, she was running to you." Like it was my fault she fell. That comment really pissed me off. Then she turned and started walking the other way. DD said no Grammy, don't go and I put DD down and said then go to Grammie. She said no I want Mommy and held her arms out for me to pick her up. So MIL turned again and walked away and said you are ridiculous. I said oh really, I am? And walked off. I carried DD back and put bandaids on her knees. Then she ignored me the rest of the time aside from everytike DD would say Mommy do you want to play this or can I have that MIL would essentially push me aside to take my place. I got frustrated and just went inside.
So...then I get this yesterday from my step FIL and an hour later he sent a text to my husband saying "Please call me....without an audience." DH hasn't and hasn't read the email yet. I don't think he wants to deal with it and now he has to.
Granted this is his side and he made it clear he does not care to hear my side because it doesn't matter.
"I'm sending this email as I no longer can stand by watching and being
involved with this situation with you and MIL. It has gone on long
enough. DH obviously can't deal with it and you are way to much for
him for him to try and win on this. Yesterday yelling at MIL
because said might had tried to comfort DD when she fell was it
for me. Every grandmother in America would have said the same thing,
"it's OK DD you're OK!", but you and your anger and dire spect
for your mother in law and your elder, saw no restraint in unleashing
on a grandma. I can no longer be a part of your jealousy and
bitterness. You actually are getting worse not better. You are looking
for opportunities to usurp your authority and dishonor MIL as
DD's grandma like its a war on who DD loves more! You started
this! It's been going on since when you saw how close they were from
the start! It continued in the delivery room and has actually most
definitely gotten worse. The people who are real live people in this
family, not your computer or Facebook make believe friends all see it
and are getting worn out by it. I of course am the only one who has
the guts to say anything. I'm not afraid of you. I have noticed your
quickness to be defensive and actually your countenance has gotten
worse. Your obvious disgust with MIL and probably me is so thick
you can cut it with all knife. I
really think you need to seek help but of course everyone else is to
blame aren't they OP? It would be a good thing to talk to someone.
It would be great for the Family, DH, and DD too. Do you care
enough to do it or just keep your pride from letting a healing begin?
I have tried to meet for coffee to see if we could talk but you can't
handle it, and won't even truthfully respond and give some bullshit
like you're too busy. So that's why I'm writing. MIL doesn't know
I'm doing this but I am not living this tense bullshit lie any longer.
Neither of us, especially me, need to be scolded and reprimanded
constantly on what we do and what we say and how we walk and talk and
getting together with you is turning into a supervised visit with the
DCFS.
BTW, we are sooo not perfect! We have made many mistakes. Yet being a
grandparent and loving DD is something that we only want and are
motivated by love for her and really you too, and yet you don't want
to share any love outside your little cocoon. You feel aunts and
uncles and grandparents are not necessary but I beg to differ. I
believe they are all important in rounding out a child's life. Or
maybe it's just your side of the family is OK or something. We ARE
doing something about our life. When we make mistakes and battle
issues we seek help. MIL is going to a counselor not because of
just drinking! She going there to get counsel how to deal with you!
You need to get some counseling. Not both of you. Just you to start.
Seriously. News Flash! Brains doesn't make a person great! Nobody
gives a shit! Love, forgiveness and true caring are way more
important. Nobody remembers how good of grades you get or how much
research you have done. They remember your heart and how it is a real
thing or just selfish.
We can talk more about this after you start seeing someone. In the
meantime MIL will still see her counselor. You should look at this
as friendly family advise and not get defensive and bitter. Only
DD MIL and DH will suffer. How can hurting others and
unforgiveness be even remotely Christian?
This is NOT a bitch letter as much as a plea. Does making this whole
family thing work with seeking help mean anything to you or are your
going to stay in this mode and blame every one else. It's OK to not be
perfect! Look at me!! What's not OK is to act like you are when its
simply not true. I realize how important DD is to you. Yet how can
you justify this behavior to a grandma who's blood is flowing through
your daughter? You said to MIL before, "you had your chance it's my turn
now?! What? She has never had a chance to be a grandma ever! That's
what she want to be period? Like all the other grandmas out there. Yet
how can she when you have this issue that must be dealt with. She not
trying to be her mother!
I don't really give a shit how you look at me. I don't do anything to
harm you or DD. Actually I've done so many things to try and be
nice and to be helpful. What I won't put up with is being being
scolded and chastised and watching your bitter treatment of my wife. I
see the tears, the sadness, the sorrow, the loneliness, and saying the
prayers for you over and over, when it is very tough to do I might
say.
This would be my intervention letter I would read which that's what
they do. It's my intervention request. 95 % listen and get help. The 5
% that don't are worse than they could even imagine.
I don't want any internet babble you might get to justify your side of
the story. There's plenty for both side to go back and forth. "Ye
shall know them by their fruit." Don't have to have a degree for that!
That's why God made it simple. If your goal is to beat MIL to
submission, make DH choose, eliminate us from your life, cause
division, except on your terms only, then to me you are messing with
God himself and what he says we should be like.
"What kind of fruit are you bearing?"
My offer stands with coffee. I know it won't happen as you will
withdraw even farther, blame me/us, and begin drawing up your defense.
"Pride comes before the fall."
This will be my last correspondence and the only response I want is to
hear you call MIL and tell her you're sorry for yelling at her you
overreacted and that you're making an appointment to see a counselor.
Any other response will be deleted before I open it truly mark my
words. I have enough soap opera debates for President I can watch so I
don't need any more.
This is actually someone who is reaching out to you who does care and
the only one with the balls to try and bring it to the light rather
than hiding in the darkness of deception and denial. This is the right
thing to do for all of us. It's obvious your social structuring if
nothing else needs to be discussed with someone. We all know how book
smart you are and maybe our genes have issues we inherit that are both
good and bad. I know I can see mIne! Yet facing them is the beginning
of healing.
Hell I might even get some counseling after you start!
😇
I hope you do what's right not what justifies your side of the story.
Growth doesn't come instant. It takes a seed then care, then weeding,
then fertilizing, then fruit. Takes a process no matter what we think.
Baby steps first.
Step FIL
Sent from my iPhone
So I am not planning on responding. Do you think the letter was mean and attacking?
Did this go too far? I feel like now I know what he really thinks about me.
So we stopped at DH's mom's house on the way to camping because he had to drop off something for his aunt who was there. Well, of course MIL picks up DD and says I missed you so much. I said we have asked you not to say that to her. Anyways, I thought I forgot DD's favorite babies while we were there. Well, I found them and gave them DD. She hugged them tight and kissed them and said I missed you so much.
Then on Mother's Day, I gave into DH to let them come for a cookout since he said he would really appreciate it. And he has been noticing that I have been making an effort to and trying which has been helping our relationship since he is starting to see their crazy. So she didn't even wish me a Happy Mother's Day fine. Maybe she didn't hear me say it to her, but still. So, DD would ask me to play something and she would keep saying oh here I will, and basically just push me aside as I requested numerous times for her not to do. So I went inside the camper. And DH saw I was upset and asked what was wrong. He said he was sorry and that they wouldn't be there much longer.
So I decided to go for a little walk to let off some steam. I was talking to my mom on the phone and see DD around the bend running. The campground is kind of circular in sections with trees in the middle. Then, I was blocked by some trees. I hear DD crying and I go running to her and yelled her name. DD was in MIL's arms crying and saying Mommy. She jumped out of MIL's arms. MIL is just saying "it's okay, DD you're okay" as I was grabbing her. I said no she is not okay. She is hurt, upset and crying. And I had no idea how bad she hurt herself. Then MIL seemed annoyed and said really snotty "well, she was running to you." Like it was my fault she fell. That comment really pissed me off. Then she turned and started walking the other way. DD said no Grammy, don't go and I put DD down and said then go to Grammie. She said no I want Mommy and held her arms out for me to pick her up. So MIL turned again and walked away and said you are ridiculous. I said oh really, I am? And walked off. I carried DD back and put bandaids on her knees. Then she ignored me the rest of the time aside from everytike DD would say Mommy do you want to play this or can I have that MIL would essentially push me aside to take my place. I got frustrated and just went inside.
So...then I get this yesterday from my step FIL and an hour later he sent a text to my husband saying "Please call me....without an audience." DH hasn't and hasn't read the email yet. I don't think he wants to deal with it and now he has to.
Granted this is his side and he made it clear he does not care to hear my side because it doesn't matter.
"I'm sending this email as I no longer can stand by watching and being
involved with this situation with you and MIL. It has gone on long
enough. DH obviously can't deal with it and you are way to much for
him for him to try and win on this. Yesterday yelling at MIL
because said might had tried to comfort DD when she fell was it
for me. Every grandmother in America would have said the same thing,
"it's OK DD you're OK!", but you and your anger and dire spect
for your mother in law and your elder, saw no restraint in unleashing
on a grandma. I can no longer be a part of your jealousy and
bitterness. You actually are getting worse not better. You are looking
for opportunities to usurp your authority and dishonor MIL as
DD's grandma like its a war on who DD loves more! You started
this! It's been going on since when you saw how close they were from
the start! It continued in the delivery room and has actually most
definitely gotten worse. The people who are real live people in this
family, not your computer or Facebook make believe friends all see it
and are getting worn out by it. I of course am the only one who has
the guts to say anything. I'm not afraid of you. I have noticed your
quickness to be defensive and actually your countenance has gotten
worse. Your obvious disgust with MIL and probably me is so thick
you can cut it with all knife. I
really think you need to seek help but of course everyone else is to
blame aren't they OP? It would be a good thing to talk to someone.
It would be great for the Family, DH, and DD too. Do you care
enough to do it or just keep your pride from letting a healing begin?
I have tried to meet for coffee to see if we could talk but you can't
handle it, and won't even truthfully respond and give some bullshit
like you're too busy. So that's why I'm writing. MIL doesn't know
I'm doing this but I am not living this tense bullshit lie any longer.
Neither of us, especially me, need to be scolded and reprimanded
constantly on what we do and what we say and how we walk and talk and
getting together with you is turning into a supervised visit with the
DCFS.
BTW, we are sooo not perfect! We have made many mistakes. Yet being a
grandparent and loving DD is something that we only want and are
motivated by love for her and really you too, and yet you don't want
to share any love outside your little cocoon. You feel aunts and
uncles and grandparents are not necessary but I beg to differ. I
believe they are all important in rounding out a child's life. Or
maybe it's just your side of the family is OK or something. We ARE
doing something about our life. When we make mistakes and battle
issues we seek help. MIL is going to a counselor not because of
just drinking! She going there to get counsel how to deal with you!
You need to get some counseling. Not both of you. Just you to start.
Seriously. News Flash! Brains doesn't make a person great! Nobody
gives a shit! Love, forgiveness and true caring are way more
important. Nobody remembers how good of grades you get or how much
research you have done. They remember your heart and how it is a real
thing or just selfish.
We can talk more about this after you start seeing someone. In the
meantime MIL will still see her counselor. You should look at this
as friendly family advise and not get defensive and bitter. Only
DD MIL and DH will suffer. How can hurting others and
unforgiveness be even remotely Christian?
This is NOT a bitch letter as much as a plea. Does making this whole
family thing work with seeking help mean anything to you or are your
going to stay in this mode and blame every one else. It's OK to not be
perfect! Look at me!! What's not OK is to act like you are when its
simply not true. I realize how important DD is to you. Yet how can
you justify this behavior to a grandma who's blood is flowing through
your daughter? You said to MIL before, "you had your chance it's my turn
now?! What? She has never had a chance to be a grandma ever! That's
what she want to be period? Like all the other grandmas out there. Yet
how can she when you have this issue that must be dealt with. She not
trying to be her mother!
I don't really give a shit how you look at me. I don't do anything to
harm you or DD. Actually I've done so many things to try and be
nice and to be helpful. What I won't put up with is being being
scolded and chastised and watching your bitter treatment of my wife. I
see the tears, the sadness, the sorrow, the loneliness, and saying the
prayers for you over and over, when it is very tough to do I might
say.
This would be my intervention letter I would read which that's what
they do. It's my intervention request. 95 % listen and get help. The 5
% that don't are worse than they could even imagine.
I don't want any internet babble you might get to justify your side of
the story. There's plenty for both side to go back and forth. "Ye
shall know them by their fruit." Don't have to have a degree for that!
That's why God made it simple. If your goal is to beat MIL to
submission, make DH choose, eliminate us from your life, cause
division, except on your terms only, then to me you are messing with
God himself and what he says we should be like.
"What kind of fruit are you bearing?"
My offer stands with coffee. I know it won't happen as you will
withdraw even farther, blame me/us, and begin drawing up your defense.
"Pride comes before the fall."
This will be my last correspondence and the only response I want is to
hear you call MIL and tell her you're sorry for yelling at her you
overreacted and that you're making an appointment to see a counselor.
Any other response will be deleted before I open it truly mark my
words. I have enough soap opera debates for President I can watch so I
don't need any more.
This is actually someone who is reaching out to you who does care and
the only one with the balls to try and bring it to the light rather
than hiding in the darkness of deception and denial. This is the right
thing to do for all of us. It's obvious your social structuring if
nothing else needs to be discussed with someone. We all know how book
smart you are and maybe our genes have issues we inherit that are both
good and bad. I know I can see mIne! Yet facing them is the beginning
of healing.
Hell I might even get some counseling after you start!
😇
I hope you do what's right not what justifies your side of the story.
Growth doesn't come instant. It takes a seed then care, then weeding,
then fertilizing, then fruit. Takes a process no matter what we think.
Baby steps first.
Step FIL
Sent from my iPhone
So I am not planning on responding. Do you think the letter was mean and attacking?
Did this go too far? I feel like now I know what he really thinks about me.