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Not sure how to deal with MIL during the wedding weekend

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I've been lurking for a few weeks now, and found this board through my September Birth Board


BG: DH and I have been married since January. We have been dating for three years and have been close friends for more than five years. We met through work and I have a DD from a previous marriage.


July 2015--- DH proposed at the top of a famous landmark in a popular city during the 4th of July fireworks. He planned the whole thing with help from my Mom and Sis. Part of their plans included having my entire Nuclear family there, as well as FMIL and FBIL2. FMIL was in a world of her own and somehow missed the entire proposal even though about 200 random people were cheering, gasping, taking pictures, etc. she immediately began to cry inconsolably and did not stop until we all left to go home.


September--- I took a shot at a MLM company that sells adult toys, long story short it was not for me, but part of trying to get my part time business up and running was to create a debil group in which a literally added every female friend over the age of 18. FMIL lost it! She Posted a PA message on her debil that asked "how do you remove yourself from a group that you never, EVER wanted to be apart of from the first place?" Instead of just texting/calling me and asking me to remove her. DH and I assumed she was offended by the content of the group, but it turns out she thought I was personally attacking her. She and FFIL divorced about 10 years ago and although he moved on, she has yet to 1. Get over the divorce 2. Move on with any aspect of life. She blames him to this day for almost everything. Anyway, she texted DH about 10 minutes after I removed her from said group and sent her a very sincere message apologizing for upsetting her, and her texts went from strange crazy in about 3 seconds. First message was "Are you sure you are doing the right thing?" Followed by "it's not to late to get out now. You can pack her and DD up and force them out its not technically her house until you say I Do." DH blew up, replying "are you fucking mental? It was a fucking debil group for fuck sake" to which she replied " it's not about the group, OP is rubbing it in my face that I don't have someone to pleasure me and If and when I buy myself something like that I do it at (local adult store in our area)". There conversation was cut short when my DH told her to grow the F up and get over herself. He ended their exchange warning her not to do what she did with FBIL and FSIL which will result in CO from FGC.


December l--- DH and I decided that I would stay home full time to care for DD and we where planning to launch a wedding/event center in the fall (this has been put on hold as we have a LO due in Sept). We decided to go to the court house and file an informal marriage license (we live in a common law state). This allowed me and DD to be put on a family insurance plan through DH work and also allow DH and I to buy our new house as a married couple (community property state). My mom and dad were a little disappointed that we didn't tell anyone of the new development until after it happened, but didn't care too much because we are having a wedding ceremony and reception at the end of May for all our friends and family. FIL, BIL1, BIL2 and SIL all happy. MIL broke down, again, and resumed texting DH "what did you do!", "You can't get out of this now", "WHY????" After BH her for about a week and a half we went to lunch for BIL2 birthday. Everything was peachy, I stayed on my end of the table, MIL stayed on her end and there where plenty of people in between. As we were finishing desert MIL says "just to clarify, I am so happy you guys got married. I'm just still so upset about debil group. It's been so hard for me to find someone to share my life with and I do not appreciate you rubbing my nose in my loneliness." Everyone's jaw dropped. Not only did MIL interrupt a perfectly great lunch she actually admitted to her crazy, without showing any remorse. I was so embarrassed I just rug swept and apologized for hurting her feelings.


Easter--- we held a combo church/lunch for both families (we are the hosts for most events because we have a house large enough to accommodate and because I refuse to have multiple holidays.. We already have 2 each time because DD goes to her Bio-dad) MIL was late, she got "lost" missed church and sat on the couch moping for an hour before she got back in the car and left. DH relieved a guilt trip message about not having Easter at her home (1.5hours away) and always including my family in our celebrations. She wanted time with her DGC and faaaaamily. When DH explained that holidays are shared with DD bio-dad she quickly responded that I and DD didn't have to come.


April---my Mom and Sis through me bridal shower at their house, MIL has been there several times before. She texted me at 10am letting us know she was on her way "with bells on"... The shower was a surprise and I had no idea something was up until receiving that text. Shower started at 12:30. No MIL. At 2:45 she storms through the front door and rushes to the bathroom where she sobs loudly enough that everyone at the shower takes notice. Then by 3PM she's gone. DD was outside of the bathroom knocking over and over asking Her is she was okay, and it want until DD came up to me crying the Mimi left and didn't even give her a hug that the rest of us realized she was gone.


I had enough of her BS and refused to go to Mothers Day lunch at BIL1. She ended up not showing up either (they live 5 minutes away from each other), but texted DH while he was there spending time with BIL, SIL and DN. She said that Mothers Day was on Sunday not Saturday and that of the lovveee her as much as they say they do they would have planned on celebrating with her on actual Mother's Day. DH said "tough shit, we all planned this out weeks ago and we have things to do so come over or don't." She texted him back several hours later that she was going to shower and head over and he told her not to bother, he was heading home... And she lost it. Both MIL and BIL2 posted long dramatic complaints on debil and went as far as to suggest that I was the route cause of all of the "changes" to her fammmmmily.


Sorry this is soo long... My question is our wedding/reception is next Sunday. We have about 100 guest coming and several family members from out of town. There is a full weekend of things from the rehearsal and dinner to the boys golfing while the girls go to the salon mani/pedis. What do I include her in and what do I BH her on? After the wedding she is going on and ITO because I just can't deal with her anymore, but DH has made it clear that excluding her from his wedding is not an option and I feel like I can't blame him.

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