New poster here, but have been a lurker for several months. Have cheered many of you on, wanted to shake sense into a few (usually interfering FM's), and mostly have appreciated the No-nonsense approach to problems.
Let's start with a bit of BG:
Grew up in a wonderful family, close to my Mom, annoying but much loved siblings, was taught hard work, education and standing up for myself was not only my responsibility(hard work and education), but my right as well (standing up for myself)
A few years ago I split from my H, we did a ton of family counselling to ensure our children would adjust well to the split. During the counselling, several skeletons came out of the closet, some were known, others were a shock. Also during this time I was in a major accident, and it was XH who was the one who was there and got me up and going again.
We have since moved on and are actually friends/amicable (sickeningly healthy I know), he has made his sincere apologies, done his best to make up for his wrongs, and been supportive in understanding that I simply was just done.
Going back to the skeletons, I confronted a family member about one of them. It was such a betrayal. My MOO & FOO, took the offending persons side. I dropped the rope and stepped back. Its been a hard couple of years not having family Christmas/Thanksgiving/Birthday celebrations, I wuold see my MOO every couple of months and my FOO whenever I would stop by their house (never for a social call always for a specific reason)
Recently my FOO had a massive heart attack, but is on the road to recovery. I visited him in the hospital, and we talked, really talked. We talked about how "dying" really changes you and your outlook (we share this experience that you really can't explain to someone who hasn't gone through it).
MOO was highly stressed and a simple conversation turned into screeching at me and the following was said to me:
-You are doing this on purpose to hurt me because you want revenge for how strained things have been for the last few years
-I am not even surprised that I am not losing any sleep over waching my hands of you
-I am going to disown you
-You put this stress on your father and that's why he is sick
-And I cannot remember the wording but the connotation was, I wish you had died.
-You better see your father in the hospital because when he gets out you will never see either of us again
There was so much more, it was brutal. Never ever in my life have I EVER been subjected to such venom. If you knew me you would know I am a take no shit kind of person. I truly did not know how to react.
FF to a little more recently. My FOO called me, it was just to say hi, he wanted to make sure I knew he was ok, and maybe just him and I could have a conversation. He knew something had gone down and understood that no one wanted to stress him out while healing, but once he felt a bit better, we would meet for coffee.
Today, I called him about that coffee, he's not well enough yet, but would really like us to have that sit down. He said he would also like my MOO there, to clear the air, he knows there will be things he doesn;t want to hear but wants to listen anyways. I told him, Mom was very clear in her statements and there are things you just cannot unsay. I am not wild about this idea to say the least.
I would like to keep a relationship with my Dad, but will not be anyones doormat to keep that relationship. Life is too short.
OK...here is where I need a little advice.
Ultimately, I would rather just meet with my Dad, have a talk, and see where things stand and proceed from there. If my Mom shows up, I guess I need ways to phrase responses. I don't need to be a total bitch, as a matter of fact, since my own accident I am calm, to the point, polite and firm, I don't rise to the bait, and I sure don't respond in kind...there's no point to it.
I am rambling here...and I guess I am floundering a bit.