Hi everyone.
First time here on babycenter. I've always been venting about my MIL on the babybump app and today a fellow caring mom advise me to talk things out on here so...let me see. Where to begin?
Little intro me and hubby got married and pregnant and moved in with his family because he didn't want to move out. I didn't want to live with his family and we've been arguing about it for the longest. For one his mom don't know what the word privacy means. She barges into the our room whenever she feels like it. We can't lock the door and even if we do she has the key. Everyone there is loud and screams on the top of their lungs for no reason. It's 6 people sharing one bathroom and every time I just sat down on the toilet hubby's youngest brother or SFIL would come knocking for me to get out (even when I was pregnant). Like what is wrong with these people? And they don't flush. Plus they let their dog starve, pee and poop all over the hallway and never walks her. Anyways I grew up in a house with my grandparents. Always taught to be quiet and conservative especially after a certain time. (They still be up and screaming at 2AM like savages) I was taught always to have patience so I never rushed anyone out of the bathroom but not that I had to. I was used to having my own bathroom. And always alway ALWAYS have to flush and clean the skid marks in the toilet. But honestly these are trivial things that bothered me. However I felt as long as I was with hubby everything was okay.
Onto his mom...I know she says bad things behind my back because hubby lets me know. But that doesn't stop her from "caring" for me and my unborn child. Whatever she had to say she never said to me because I always have a REAL home to go back to and she knows according to my personality I don't need her son. I can pack up and leave whenever I want. So all these things she likes to say she only vents to hubby and he don't like to listen to anything bad about me so he would shut her up.
I was pregnant, away from my grandma and family and living with savages that would scream at 3AM while I'm trying to sleep. I was vulnerable and clung onto hubby for my dear life and crying at every waking moment. He kept lying and pacifying me saying we will leave we will leave. I've heard so much that I didn't want to hear anymore. Then at that moment MIL started talking to me more and spending more time with me and teaching me things. And I thought we were really bonding. We joked a lot and have so much quality time together when cooking dinner. She told me her stories. At that point I really thought she liked me and cared for me like a daughter. However as soon as my daughter was born she's became another person. She became controlling and acted as if MY baby was hers. She kept calling her "my baby mi nina" and it bugged me out so much. She got to hold the baby before me as well when I clearly didn't want her to be in the delivery room with me! But that I learned to get over because I really needed her during the pain. I needed a mom and she was the closest thing I've got at that point.
She knew I wanted to breastfeed and I've read on it and all. But she had the nerve to repeatedly accuse me of starving my baby and demanded the nurse to give her formula at the nursery. Then when we got home she pointed out again that I was starving her in front of hubby and his grandma. And why? Because she dropped a few ounces and she's crying every hour for food. I had no choice but to give her formula while sobbing. And she was smug about it. I know now why. She didn't want me to have a special bond with baby. She wanted me to give her formula so she could take her off and feed her. Even when I did skin to skin she would yell at me. She was horrible. And I wanted to kill myself. I've really wanted to die those first few days because all she did was pressure me and stress me. Everything I've planned for my baby she flushed down the toilet.
But I got over it. Bit my tongue and continued doing my best for my baby girl because she needs her mommy. She needs a happy and sane mommy. I knew I was like a volcano, ready to erupt any moment. But I kept holding my tongue and letting things slide. Why? Not because I'm scared of her. But because I've respected her and appreciated all she's done for me. She gave us a room. She loves my daughter. I thought she loved me. My hubby is a mommy's boy and always leeching off of her and she don't mind.
But baby got older and MIL acted even worst. Literally snatching my baby out of my arms and taking her back to her room while hubby is at work. If I'm done feeding her she will take her and burp her. I don't get to hold or see my daughter at all once she's home. If she needs a diaper change she just comes into my room takes what she need and leaves. It killed me so much. She would change baby into what SHE wanted baby to wear. She's always saying "what is mommy doing to you? I'll beat her?" What will I be doing to my OWN child? And why would she say anything like that to my baby allowing her to think mommy will actually do anything bad to her? I told all this to hubby and he brushed my feelings aside. He said that's the way mom is and disregarded me.
I don't want to type too much but after long hard battle we finally moved out. And MIL didn't like it. If things don't go her way she throws a tantrum and she goes to everyone acting like a victim. I didn't Care knowing I'm finally leaving and getting my baby back. She threatened to cry every time she sees baby. I said sure you can do that we're still leaving.
Okay we left. Great! We loved it! Finally found a sleeping schedule for baby. Everything worked out great. No more psycho grandma coming into the room whenever she wants to wake up my baby PURPOSELY to play with her. Then. she came to visit. Horrible horrible. She messed up baby's sleep schedule got her overtired and overstimulated. And when she finally fell asleep, as soon as hubby went to the bathroom, she woke her up to take pictures with her. She was cranky the day after and I had to deal with it. Fine. Don't see her for a few days I fixed everything. Happy baby again.
Then hubby's day off and we go to visit. We were wearing matching red and white plaid rompers that hubby bought us. He said the weather is nice and he's scared she'll outgrow them if she don't wear them now. Once MIL saw us she started saying shit and saying it looks bad and saying how I'm trying to look young. Anyways ignore her because I know she's jealous. She's always wanted a daughter and she has 3 boys and can't match with them. I forgive her. She takes baby of course and I'm just talking to BIL when she calls me and hubby into her room. She DEMANDED we bring baby over on Thursday (it was tues) night to sleepover. My baby is only 3 months old and I'm definitely not ready for her to sleep away half an hour away from me. Especially not with this crazy woman. And not in this disgusting house. I said no. Hubby said no too and she got mad at me saying he's only disagreeing because of me. I said I wasn't ready. And she kept pressuring me and forcing me saying what's not to be ready for and how I see her everyday already. Then she set up for next week and settled it herself. I was flabbergasted. I was so...I woke up. Something in me flicked. This sleeping volcano was ready to erupt. She never cared of me or my feelings. She never respected me as a person or a mom. She never loved me. She only wanted my baby. How dare she demand a mom whose carried her baby for 9 months to just "let go" within seconds because she selfishly wants my daughter to sleepover. Even SFIL told her I'm not ready and to stop asking but she told him to shut up. From that day on I blocked her call and threatened hubby that if he ever brings my baby over there again I will get a divorce with him. I don't want ANYTHING to do with that witch ever again. If she's so baby crazed she should go push one out herself. This is my baby! And she's really hurt my feelings. On top of anger and frustration and hatred I felt betrayed and hurt. I made hubby cut her off out of anger. Lots of shit went down.
But you know what I'm stupid. I'm an idiot. I'm the dumbest person in the world! Because I felt bad. Why! Why! I hated hubby for my sticking up for me when I needed him. I hate her for everything she's done to me! I hate them but I felt bad?! Am I stupid?
So I sent her this final text: I've never wanted to take your son or your granddaughter away from you. If anything you'll only be losing me which I'm sure you never really cared for anyways. But that aside I don't care anyways. I just wanted you to see how much it hurts to be pulled away from your baby the one you love. And it hurts how I made Alex cut ties with you right? I cared Lexi in me for 9 months the bonding the caring the love. Yes I never felt as if I was pregnant because I could still walk run way sleep. Just a baby growing inside me. But I loved that baby inside me and I loved having her with me. As a mother yourself you should know and understand this very well. As soon as my daughter was born you just want to snatch her away from me and create your own bond with her. You always have something to say. You discouraged me from breastfeeding. You said you wanted to help and I stupidly believed you. Believing you really want to be there for me like a mom, knowing I never had motherly love. You took advantage always stealing my baby from me. You want to do everything that's MY JOB. What can I do? I was living under you and all my husband knew how to do was leech from your life. But I don't owe you anything now. And you know what? I was willing to bite my tongue I was willing to go visit and invite you to me home. You're Alex's mom and lexi's grandmother. You're important to them. But that day you disregarded my feelings and my concerns for not wanting to let my THREE MONTH OLD baby sleepover at a place half an hour from me. The baby I've been bonding with and shares a connection. You wouldn't take no for an answer and made your own decision. That woke me up. You never cared for me from the start. You don't care about my feelings my wishes or my concerns. You don't respect me as a person or a mother. You only wanted my baby. You wanted to steal my baby from me and your son was allowing you to do so. I'm not manipulative and selfish like you though no matter how much I want to be. I made Alex do all this as a punishment to you and him. Seeing him cry is only the tip of an iceberg for what I've been feeling. You're not cut off from him though. Just from me. On his days off he can still go see you and bring Lexi. On holidays you can still see her. And to your joy you won't ever have to see me though. I'm sure you'll be happy anyways. Just having your two babies. Final decisions on how to raise MY baby falls on me. This will be the last time I'm talking to you as a daughter. I'm done. Done biting my tongue done letting myself rot inside. I don't deserve this. Bye."
And tomorrow on his one day off he's taking her over and I have nothing to say. It still kills me when random flashbacks comes back into my head. Of when she would just come into the room and take her from my arms while I'm singing to her. Of when we go out and she wouldn't let me push the stroller and people think she's the mom to my child. Of when she would make me take off the baby carrier at old navy so she could carry my baby.
Am I overreacting? Please tell me I'm not crazy.
First time here on babycenter. I've always been venting about my MIL on the babybump app and today a fellow caring mom advise me to talk things out on here so...let me see. Where to begin?
Little intro me and hubby got married and pregnant and moved in with his family because he didn't want to move out. I didn't want to live with his family and we've been arguing about it for the longest. For one his mom don't know what the word privacy means. She barges into the our room whenever she feels like it. We can't lock the door and even if we do she has the key. Everyone there is loud and screams on the top of their lungs for no reason. It's 6 people sharing one bathroom and every time I just sat down on the toilet hubby's youngest brother or SFIL would come knocking for me to get out (even when I was pregnant). Like what is wrong with these people? And they don't flush. Plus they let their dog starve, pee and poop all over the hallway and never walks her. Anyways I grew up in a house with my grandparents. Always taught to be quiet and conservative especially after a certain time. (They still be up and screaming at 2AM like savages) I was taught always to have patience so I never rushed anyone out of the bathroom but not that I had to. I was used to having my own bathroom. And always alway ALWAYS have to flush and clean the skid marks in the toilet. But honestly these are trivial things that bothered me. However I felt as long as I was with hubby everything was okay.
Onto his mom...I know she says bad things behind my back because hubby lets me know. But that doesn't stop her from "caring" for me and my unborn child. Whatever she had to say she never said to me because I always have a REAL home to go back to and she knows according to my personality I don't need her son. I can pack up and leave whenever I want. So all these things she likes to say she only vents to hubby and he don't like to listen to anything bad about me so he would shut her up.
I was pregnant, away from my grandma and family and living with savages that would scream at 3AM while I'm trying to sleep. I was vulnerable and clung onto hubby for my dear life and crying at every waking moment. He kept lying and pacifying me saying we will leave we will leave. I've heard so much that I didn't want to hear anymore. Then at that moment MIL started talking to me more and spending more time with me and teaching me things. And I thought we were really bonding. We joked a lot and have so much quality time together when cooking dinner. She told me her stories. At that point I really thought she liked me and cared for me like a daughter. However as soon as my daughter was born she's became another person. She became controlling and acted as if MY baby was hers. She kept calling her "my baby mi nina" and it bugged me out so much. She got to hold the baby before me as well when I clearly didn't want her to be in the delivery room with me! But that I learned to get over because I really needed her during the pain. I needed a mom and she was the closest thing I've got at that point.
She knew I wanted to breastfeed and I've read on it and all. But she had the nerve to repeatedly accuse me of starving my baby and demanded the nurse to give her formula at the nursery. Then when we got home she pointed out again that I was starving her in front of hubby and his grandma. And why? Because she dropped a few ounces and she's crying every hour for food. I had no choice but to give her formula while sobbing. And she was smug about it. I know now why. She didn't want me to have a special bond with baby. She wanted me to give her formula so she could take her off and feed her. Even when I did skin to skin she would yell at me. She was horrible. And I wanted to kill myself. I've really wanted to die those first few days because all she did was pressure me and stress me. Everything I've planned for my baby she flushed down the toilet.
But I got over it. Bit my tongue and continued doing my best for my baby girl because she needs her mommy. She needs a happy and sane mommy. I knew I was like a volcano, ready to erupt any moment. But I kept holding my tongue and letting things slide. Why? Not because I'm scared of her. But because I've respected her and appreciated all she's done for me. She gave us a room. She loves my daughter. I thought she loved me. My hubby is a mommy's boy and always leeching off of her and she don't mind.
But baby got older and MIL acted even worst. Literally snatching my baby out of my arms and taking her back to her room while hubby is at work. If I'm done feeding her she will take her and burp her. I don't get to hold or see my daughter at all once she's home. If she needs a diaper change she just comes into my room takes what she need and leaves. It killed me so much. She would change baby into what SHE wanted baby to wear. She's always saying "what is mommy doing to you? I'll beat her?" What will I be doing to my OWN child? And why would she say anything like that to my baby allowing her to think mommy will actually do anything bad to her? I told all this to hubby and he brushed my feelings aside. He said that's the way mom is and disregarded me.
I don't want to type too much but after long hard battle we finally moved out. And MIL didn't like it. If things don't go her way she throws a tantrum and she goes to everyone acting like a victim. I didn't Care knowing I'm finally leaving and getting my baby back. She threatened to cry every time she sees baby. I said sure you can do that we're still leaving.
Okay we left. Great! We loved it! Finally found a sleeping schedule for baby. Everything worked out great. No more psycho grandma coming into the room whenever she wants to wake up my baby PURPOSELY to play with her. Then. she came to visit. Horrible horrible. She messed up baby's sleep schedule got her overtired and overstimulated. And when she finally fell asleep, as soon as hubby went to the bathroom, she woke her up to take pictures with her. She was cranky the day after and I had to deal with it. Fine. Don't see her for a few days I fixed everything. Happy baby again.
Then hubby's day off and we go to visit. We were wearing matching red and white plaid rompers that hubby bought us. He said the weather is nice and he's scared she'll outgrow them if she don't wear them now. Once MIL saw us she started saying shit and saying it looks bad and saying how I'm trying to look young. Anyways ignore her because I know she's jealous. She's always wanted a daughter and she has 3 boys and can't match with them. I forgive her. She takes baby of course and I'm just talking to BIL when she calls me and hubby into her room. She DEMANDED we bring baby over on Thursday (it was tues) night to sleepover. My baby is only 3 months old and I'm definitely not ready for her to sleep away half an hour away from me. Especially not with this crazy woman. And not in this disgusting house. I said no. Hubby said no too and she got mad at me saying he's only disagreeing because of me. I said I wasn't ready. And she kept pressuring me and forcing me saying what's not to be ready for and how I see her everyday already. Then she set up for next week and settled it herself. I was flabbergasted. I was so...I woke up. Something in me flicked. This sleeping volcano was ready to erupt. She never cared of me or my feelings. She never respected me as a person or a mom. She never loved me. She only wanted my baby. How dare she demand a mom whose carried her baby for 9 months to just "let go" within seconds because she selfishly wants my daughter to sleepover. Even SFIL told her I'm not ready and to stop asking but she told him to shut up. From that day on I blocked her call and threatened hubby that if he ever brings my baby over there again I will get a divorce with him. I don't want ANYTHING to do with that witch ever again. If she's so baby crazed she should go push one out herself. This is my baby! And she's really hurt my feelings. On top of anger and frustration and hatred I felt betrayed and hurt. I made hubby cut her off out of anger. Lots of shit went down.
But you know what I'm stupid. I'm an idiot. I'm the dumbest person in the world! Because I felt bad. Why! Why! I hated hubby for my sticking up for me when I needed him. I hate her for everything she's done to me! I hate them but I felt bad?! Am I stupid?
So I sent her this final text: I've never wanted to take your son or your granddaughter away from you. If anything you'll only be losing me which I'm sure you never really cared for anyways. But that aside I don't care anyways. I just wanted you to see how much it hurts to be pulled away from your baby the one you love. And it hurts how I made Alex cut ties with you right? I cared Lexi in me for 9 months the bonding the caring the love. Yes I never felt as if I was pregnant because I could still walk run way sleep. Just a baby growing inside me. But I loved that baby inside me and I loved having her with me. As a mother yourself you should know and understand this very well. As soon as my daughter was born you just want to snatch her away from me and create your own bond with her. You always have something to say. You discouraged me from breastfeeding. You said you wanted to help and I stupidly believed you. Believing you really want to be there for me like a mom, knowing I never had motherly love. You took advantage always stealing my baby from me. You want to do everything that's MY JOB. What can I do? I was living under you and all my husband knew how to do was leech from your life. But I don't owe you anything now. And you know what? I was willing to bite my tongue I was willing to go visit and invite you to me home. You're Alex's mom and lexi's grandmother. You're important to them. But that day you disregarded my feelings and my concerns for not wanting to let my THREE MONTH OLD baby sleepover at a place half an hour from me. The baby I've been bonding with and shares a connection. You wouldn't take no for an answer and made your own decision. That woke me up. You never cared for me from the start. You don't care about my feelings my wishes or my concerns. You don't respect me as a person or a mother. You only wanted my baby. You wanted to steal my baby from me and your son was allowing you to do so. I'm not manipulative and selfish like you though no matter how much I want to be. I made Alex do all this as a punishment to you and him. Seeing him cry is only the tip of an iceberg for what I've been feeling. You're not cut off from him though. Just from me. On his days off he can still go see you and bring Lexi. On holidays you can still see her. And to your joy you won't ever have to see me though. I'm sure you'll be happy anyways. Just having your two babies. Final decisions on how to raise MY baby falls on me. This will be the last time I'm talking to you as a daughter. I'm done. Done biting my tongue done letting myself rot inside. I don't deserve this. Bye."
And tomorrow on his one day off he's taking her over and I have nothing to say. It still kills me when random flashbacks comes back into my head. Of when she would just come into the room and take her from my arms while I'm singing to her. Of when we go out and she wouldn't let me push the stroller and people think she's the mom to my child. Of when she would make me take off the baby carrier at old navy so she could carry my baby.
Am I overreacting? Please tell me I'm not crazy.