I tried this post out on my birth board and got mixed reviews, which I expected. Now I'm coming hear to get some good advice and the next step I need to take with MIL. I have major boundary issues with her, and she is very manipulative and plays the matyr/victim role constantly. Here's some background:
- DH bought a house when we were seriously dating for us to move to the town where he works. MIL changed their holiday plans and asked to stay with us the day we were moving in, saying they would sleep on the floor. SIL lives 5 minutes down the road in a 5500 sqf house. WTF
- DH and I decided to get married alone in the Caribbean. When we landed in Miami upon return, we opened our emails to find pictures and video of their "wedding celebration". She had a TWO tiered wedding cake make, and they performed a cake cutting ceremony with a sword that all their kids used to cut their birthday cakes growing up. Then she and FIL fed eachother cake and kissed like the bride and groom. And they froze the top of the cake for us for our one year anniversary. Yeah I told DH I would die before I would touch that cake, so he told them they needed to eat that for their own anniversary, it wasn't our cake. WTF
-While DH gets expensive bourbon and power tools for holidays and birthdays, I get cleaning clothes, dish towels, a cheese knife (I'm lactose intolerant) a baseball cap from a general store, a book on home remedies for your dog, etc. The list goes on of the worthless and thoughtless shit she makes me unwrap. She hates me
-They used to live 10 hours away, but in the last year have moved to a town 30 minutes away. We expressed concern about their expectations of us and she flat out told me they didn't need our permission to live there. Basically, we don't give a fuck how you feel.
-She and FIL are the exact opposite of DH and me. She's the little woman and acts almost childlike while she worships her husband, he's a narcissistic, arogant ass. They are not equals in any way. I would kill DH if he ever treated me like that. One night she got drunk and sighed and told me "I don't know about you, but I just feel so lucky to have married someone that knows so much". I choked on my wine.
- I just hate her personality, I would never be friends with someone like her. She's not a bad person or anything, she just drives. me. fucking. crazy. with her over-the-top antics about everything.
These are just some of the high points, there's countless other things she's done and/or said over the course of our relationship that have just made me absolutely stabby.
So fast forward two kids later, and now she's texting DH saying she needs to "bond" with the new baby. Our DD is 8 weeks old and has extreme colic and reflux, so if you've experienced that you know how difficult it is. We are doing all that we can to not lose our minds, so considering the needs of others aside from our kids is sort of not important right now. Not to mention, the only people in my mind who should be bonding with the baby are DH, DS, and myself.
She constantly tries to force the issue where relationships are concerned, where I'm a firm believer in relationships taking time to develop and that it should happen more organically. And I also believe that some relationships just can't work based on personality conflicts.
At some point if this keeps being mentioned I will have to step in and address it with her. And I know she's not going to let it go. We let her stop by the other day for a short visit and when my almost 3 year old would tell her that he liked his baby sister, she kept saying, "that's right she's your family, and I'm your family too". DH even mentioned how weird it was after she left. It's like she can't come over and be a normal person, she always has to have some sort of agenda.
How do I handle this craziness? She is like Mary Sunshine in person, I mean to the extreme, it's not like she is flat our rude or a bitch to my face. Oh and let me add, that for 7 years my mom has given me so. much. shit. about needing to try harder with her because she can't be that bad and she's DH's mother. Well now my parents moved as well, conveniently 2 streets over from the inlaws. She has had the pleasure of spending more time with her, and running into her randomly in their small town. She finally told me recently that she totally gets it. She says it's so hard to explain to people, but she's just highly annoying and hard to talk to. I was like, boom I told you!