I have background on here that I can try and link if needed. My parents are basically on an ITO because of a variety of reasons. I haven't spoken with them since December, and have only had to BH a few guilt texts/cards from my mom to my DDs, and one guilt text from my dad. I started therapy in January, and that has helped me a lot. I like my therapist and I am still going.
I need help with some coping mechanisms to help me deal with my anger. I know that I have some fleas from my upbringing, and I have been working on some of that in therapy. 90% of the time I remember my mom was only really ever mad as hell, or okay enough that we considered it happy, and I was always the one growing up to "blow up" and that was just how I was seen - often very true because I felt like I was in crazy world. So I was melodramatic and angry. I have some bad habits, and I have come a bit, but need help. I don't want my DDs following in my footsteps.
I am worried that I am going to become my mother to my DDs because I have these outbursts and I feel like a tyrant. My therapist has given me a couple of strategies to try, but when I try them they work sometimes, but then I mess up and then I am even more mad at myself. I feel like such a shit mother when I mess up. I need some help with some coping strategies that I could use when I get angry. I only have a few in my back pocket, and I need some more options I think.
An example is I put myself in time out when I can feel myself getting upset, but then my girls would freak out and think that I have left them (I would tell them ahead of time that Mommy is going to take a time out), and then it is like this trigger for me because my mom did that all the time. She would just leave in her car, up the mountains, or lock herself in her room. I have tried just sitting on the couch for my time out where they can see me, and that works sometimes, but not all the time. My therapist suggested headphones until I get back until I am not so mad, and that has worked about 50/50. I feel like I am ignoring them and giving them the silent treatment, so sometimes I don't even try that. She also told me to focus on what I am really angry at, but sometimes in the moment I am so mad - it isn't until I calm down I know what I am pissed at.
I googled some suggestions, but I thought I would ask here since I have seen some good ideas and thoughts that have helped me grow while lurking. I love my DDs so much, and I am trying to stop this cycle, but I don't think I am doing such a good job.
Do and of you have any calming or coping skills that can help me calm down or take a breather when angry? My DDs watch and see how I react and will mimic me, and I want to teach them healthy ways to deal with anger, but I need some extra help. Thanks.