Going anon to make sure DH doesn't find this, he knows about my account.
BG: We have a nine month old LO and problems with MIL and FIL started after I gave birth. MIL in particular (who is a classic narc) had serious boundary issues with wanting to visit all the time, hold LO all the time, and would throw tantrums if I took LO to nurse or for a nap. She's also personally insulted me in the past and in general doesn't respect me. DH was seriously enmeshed and started pushing me for more visits (she was already coming over quite often). I was very clear about my feelings and how I was uncomfortable with the number of visits already and hurt by MIL's actions in the past... DuH's response was that I was being passive aggressive by being unhappy during MIL's visits (I was always polite to MIL), and that if I really loved him, the only thing I would care about was his happiness and therefore I should let him have his mom over whenever he wants. He wouldn't let me express any negative feelings, tried to gaslight me, would tell me to do things like send his mom an honest email expressing my feelings and then call me cold and mean for doing it, etc. Also during this time, DH wouldn't let me spend money (I'm a SAHM) and told me I should have sex with him whenever he wants, and I need to enjoy it as well.
I was basically out the door with LO and DuH begged me to stay, I decided to give him one more chance. He has now been in therapy for a month and a half, MIL is CO until at least 2017.
Well, apparently DH's therapist has been telling him that I must have psychological problems and how "everyone plays a part" in these type of situations. He's also been telling DH to tell ME how hard DH is working in therapy, how I should be supportive, how I need to understand DH's feelings, etc.
DH is now basically in a place where he no longer believes he was emotionally abusive, that it was all just a conflict between us because of our different views of the role of extended family, that I need to be listen to all his feelings and be sensitive, and that I have some psychological problem that prompted him to emotionally abuse me.
Well... I'm not sure if DuH is thinking all of this now because the therapist is an idiot and likes blaming the victim (to be fair, I guess I do have fairly sh***y choice of marriage partner), or if DuH is so far past help that he misinterprets everything the therapist says.
We're going to be starting couples therapy soon, but if DuH has a terrible individual therapist, I'm afraid it won't do any good.
Thoughts? Ducks?