First time poster here. I need help figuring out how to handle this situation and validation for my feelings. Tldr at bottom.
Bg: I got pregnant with my first at 16. Me and dh married at this age and got a apartment and have been living as regular adults (paying bills, finishing high school early, my husband got a full time job, I stay home because it doesn't make financial sense for me to work.)
When we need help (keep in mind we are very young. I'm 18 same with dh.) it has always been a exchange of work for the help we needed. It benefits both parties and has worked out good.
About a week ago, the sister of a distant relative was visiting them. Because FIL's family has never been close (they are toxic), he has made a bond with this relative (I think it's his nephew? I'm unsure if the sister is his niece or if she is just the sister of his nephew) And was excited to have the sister visit. So, he wants to go to meet her too. But, we don't like his nephew. And since he's not related closely to my husband, regularly decline to be in their presence.
We didn't want to go, but figured we would try and leave if we were uncomfortable by something or just don't want to be there anymore.
The day came, and we go to the lake and for a walk. During the walk, I begin to feel woozy. When we reach our apartment, I faint. I'm almost 7 months with our second.
Dh of course calls and says we won't be coming. His father asks if we will come to dinner. Dh says that we won't be coming again, and that we might try the next day if I'm feeling recovered. FIL says they are leaving early in the morning. Dh says that's too bad. And gets off of the phone to take care of me and our son.
Well, we didn't hear anything of it until yesterday. Dh recently got a new job. His last job was unable to give him 40 hours, and told him that they couldn't pay for him working when he gave his notice so to just take a couple days off till he started his next job. Obviously, we were hurting after bills. So, he asked his dad if there were any side jobs he wouldn't be able to get to that he could handle. FIL seemed grateful for the help, and gave him one. Keep in mind, that FIL will also recieve pay and was behind. He'd asked for help lately anyway, we just asked if he still needed it as money was tight, and my dh had time to work between jobs.
Yesterday, FIL asks my husband to stop by the job after work to look at a few things that my husband had missed. When my husband goes to leave, FIL says "Why couldn't you have just come for five minutes?!" Dh gets angry, and yells back that he wasn't going to leave his pregnant wife who was fainting just to meet a relative he didn't care about anyway. FIL yells back that he just wanted to show off his grandson and son. He also says that when I'm sick he thinks I take my son over to my mom to babysit. (I do not. ILs are also having trouble with us not allowing alone time with our son because of minor boundary stomps on mils part. We have never heard a peep from FIL except asking us once if they could babysit that week so we could go out. He was respectful when we declined) dh says that I don't and that families get equal time with our family. FIL tries to say more, but dh leaves.
The things that upset me about this is 1. He wanted my husband to leave me while I was unwell to meet family. 2. He thinks I'm lying about how much time I give my family and offer our ds to my mom to catch naps.
So Dwil, point out things I missed. Tell me I'm being too sensitive or over analyzing. I realize I sound whiny and spoiled!
Ill also add that this is the first problem we have had with FIL since we decided to get married. He has otherwise been very kind and supportive. If he dislikes me, he never showed it. He even compliments me on my parenting and tells his son often that he is proud if us.
Tldr: FIL wants us to meet family. The day of, we don't go because I faint. Days later, FIL makes comments about my son and husband not going.
Bg: I got pregnant with my first at 16. Me and dh married at this age and got a apartment and have been living as regular adults (paying bills, finishing high school early, my husband got a full time job, I stay home because it doesn't make financial sense for me to work.)
When we need help (keep in mind we are very young. I'm 18 same with dh.) it has always been a exchange of work for the help we needed. It benefits both parties and has worked out good.
About a week ago, the sister of a distant relative was visiting them. Because FIL's family has never been close (they are toxic), he has made a bond with this relative (I think it's his nephew? I'm unsure if the sister is his niece or if she is just the sister of his nephew) And was excited to have the sister visit. So, he wants to go to meet her too. But, we don't like his nephew. And since he's not related closely to my husband, regularly decline to be in their presence.
We didn't want to go, but figured we would try and leave if we were uncomfortable by something or just don't want to be there anymore.
The day came, and we go to the lake and for a walk. During the walk, I begin to feel woozy. When we reach our apartment, I faint. I'm almost 7 months with our second.
Dh of course calls and says we won't be coming. His father asks if we will come to dinner. Dh says that we won't be coming again, and that we might try the next day if I'm feeling recovered. FIL says they are leaving early in the morning. Dh says that's too bad. And gets off of the phone to take care of me and our son.
Well, we didn't hear anything of it until yesterday. Dh recently got a new job. His last job was unable to give him 40 hours, and told him that they couldn't pay for him working when he gave his notice so to just take a couple days off till he started his next job. Obviously, we were hurting after bills. So, he asked his dad if there were any side jobs he wouldn't be able to get to that he could handle. FIL seemed grateful for the help, and gave him one. Keep in mind, that FIL will also recieve pay and was behind. He'd asked for help lately anyway, we just asked if he still needed it as money was tight, and my dh had time to work between jobs.
Yesterday, FIL asks my husband to stop by the job after work to look at a few things that my husband had missed. When my husband goes to leave, FIL says "Why couldn't you have just come for five minutes?!" Dh gets angry, and yells back that he wasn't going to leave his pregnant wife who was fainting just to meet a relative he didn't care about anyway. FIL yells back that he just wanted to show off his grandson and son. He also says that when I'm sick he thinks I take my son over to my mom to babysit. (I do not. ILs are also having trouble with us not allowing alone time with our son because of minor boundary stomps on mils part. We have never heard a peep from FIL except asking us once if they could babysit that week so we could go out. He was respectful when we declined) dh says that I don't and that families get equal time with our family. FIL tries to say more, but dh leaves.
The things that upset me about this is 1. He wanted my husband to leave me while I was unwell to meet family. 2. He thinks I'm lying about how much time I give my family and offer our ds to my mom to catch naps.
So Dwil, point out things I missed. Tell me I'm being too sensitive or over analyzing. I realize I sound whiny and spoiled!
Ill also add that this is the first problem we have had with FIL since we decided to get married. He has otherwise been very kind and supportive. If he dislikes me, he never showed it. He even compliments me on my parenting and tells his son often that he is proud if us.
Tldr: FIL wants us to meet family. The day of, we don't go because I faint. Days later, FIL makes comments about my son and husband not going.
