I'm really at the point where I don't want to deal with my FOO anymore, particularly my mother. I feel like I'm being petty though. I don't know if that's because I was married to an abusive man for over ten years and my normal meter is jacked up or if it's because my family just sucks.
My previous therapist basically described my childhood as emotional abandonment. I never lacked for material things but love, support, guidance - these were things my parents have never been good at. I've had a lot of wtf moments with my mother but individually none of them are just horrifying or anything. So I kind of feel like I'm being petty.
She plays favorites badly with my sister. Her choice, I guess, but my kids are staying to notice that grandma spends all of her time with my sister's family (who live literally two miles away) and very little with me or the kids (if she's staying a week, we may see her for a few hours and possibly a dinner with everyone one night). After I divorced my abusive ex, she promised to come help with the kids so I could have a break (my youngest didn't sleep through the night until almost five years old - I was barely getting any sleep). She never did. She harps on me about how she doesn't think the terms of my divorce are fair though I've explained multiple times that being away from the abuse was more important than money but she always brings up how I "gave in" too much with the divorce.
She made sure to remind me multiple times after the divorce that nobody would ever want a divorced woman with two kids. I was recently remarried and she made sure to explain to me that some of the family wouldn't be showing up because they felt that it was morally and ethically questionable to get remarried (and whatever, if that's their belief, but is it necessary to say that?). My husband and I got married at a courthouse before our formal wedding for legal reasons related to issues with the ex, so my mom kept referring to our wedding as "the fake wedding."
She had promised to watch the kids so we could go out for a joint bachelor/bachelorette shin dig and then ended up getting so wishy washy about whether she'd be able you actually do it that we had to cancel the bachelor/bachelorette party.
And because I'm stupid, during our reception, I had asked her to keep an eye on my youngest (because I basically had nobody show up on my side of the guest list) and she agreed and every time I asked her where he was she either didn't know or told me he was somewhere he was not. I get that my kids are my responsibility, but if you're not going to watch them, don't say that you are.
It's just a lot of little things - none of which are horrible in and of themselves I guess. But the thought of taking to her makes me cringe. She doesn't think I'm capable of raising my kids - she's the queen of unsolicited advice. Heaven forbid I mention that one of them isn't feeling well - I'll get twenty minutes of what might be wrong, despite her not knowing their health history at all. I woke up the morning of the wedding and told my husband that I really regretted inviting my family. But I'm not sure if I'm just being a bitch or if I should be legitimately fed up with things.
Perspective, please?
My previous therapist basically described my childhood as emotional abandonment. I never lacked for material things but love, support, guidance - these were things my parents have never been good at. I've had a lot of wtf moments with my mother but individually none of them are just horrifying or anything. So I kind of feel like I'm being petty.
She plays favorites badly with my sister. Her choice, I guess, but my kids are staying to notice that grandma spends all of her time with my sister's family (who live literally two miles away) and very little with me or the kids (if she's staying a week, we may see her for a few hours and possibly a dinner with everyone one night). After I divorced my abusive ex, she promised to come help with the kids so I could have a break (my youngest didn't sleep through the night until almost five years old - I was barely getting any sleep). She never did. She harps on me about how she doesn't think the terms of my divorce are fair though I've explained multiple times that being away from the abuse was more important than money but she always brings up how I "gave in" too much with the divorce.
She made sure to remind me multiple times after the divorce that nobody would ever want a divorced woman with two kids. I was recently remarried and she made sure to explain to me that some of the family wouldn't be showing up because they felt that it was morally and ethically questionable to get remarried (and whatever, if that's their belief, but is it necessary to say that?). My husband and I got married at a courthouse before our formal wedding for legal reasons related to issues with the ex, so my mom kept referring to our wedding as "the fake wedding."
She had promised to watch the kids so we could go out for a joint bachelor/bachelorette shin dig and then ended up getting so wishy washy about whether she'd be able you actually do it that we had to cancel the bachelor/bachelorette party.
And because I'm stupid, during our reception, I had asked her to keep an eye on my youngest (because I basically had nobody show up on my side of the guest list) and she agreed and every time I asked her where he was she either didn't know or told me he was somewhere he was not. I get that my kids are my responsibility, but if you're not going to watch them, don't say that you are.
It's just a lot of little things - none of which are horrible in and of themselves I guess. But the thought of taking to her makes me cringe. She doesn't think I'm capable of raising my kids - she's the queen of unsolicited advice. Heaven forbid I mention that one of them isn't feeling well - I'll get twenty minutes of what might be wrong, despite her not knowing their health history at all. I woke up the morning of the wedding and told my husband that I really regretted inviting my family. But I'm not sure if I'm just being a bitch or if I should be legitimately fed up with things.
Perspective, please?