I'm new to this group and need some helpful guidance before things with my MIL get out of hand. Some background: My boyfriend and I got pregnant unexpectedly and he comes from a very conservative family. We are still not married, only engaged and I'm pretty sure they think we are living in sin and are super embarrassed socially. We both come from a very conservative wealthy Texas background. My fiancé has a man bun, is super touchy feelie, is an artist, a wonderful partner and dad and isn't trying to run a hedge fund which his parents would love. He comes from a line of nearly famous socialites and the country club fancy crowd. He is the opposite kind of black sheep in a good way. We both wear clothes from Target and they are still constantly trying to shape him. His dad offered to buy him some 150k membership to their country club and my fiancé declined. He is 40 yrs old and they are still constantly pushing their agenda on him and trying to sculpt him into the perfect son. THANK GOD we live in Hawaii and don't have to see them that often I thought. Within the past 4 months his mom tried to fly here 3 times. She made it twice and it was awful having her here so the third time fiancé declined their trying to come out again. Just to paint the image of his mom, she's head to toe designer clothes, crazy plastic surgery, 3 pounds of makeup, a real bitch but smart, manipulative, makes everyone around her miserable when she doesn't get her own way, and slapped my fiancé in the face last time she was here (he tried to go pee in the BUSHES out of sight on a hike and she told him that she raised him better than that and hit him). Poor guy was so down the whole time she was here, I mean depressed, and shuts down in her presence. She makes him feel guilty etc. unless she gets her way about everything...she was upset she couldn't come stay at our house for the 3rd time in 4 months with our new baby but my fiancé die a great job of saying no. So my issue coming up is they have this expectation that every time we go there that we will be staying in their house. Keep in mind how formal their house is and there's no chance I can breastfeed in front of anyone and I need to be buttoned up with bells on not in my 'hawaiian lifestyle" target outfit. God forbid. So I'm not only worried about the tension of having to dress myself up but having to go hide every time I need to feed him. I also don't even have clothes for the baby. We leave him in kickee pants (a brand) all the time that are soft and comfortable. I think they want him in a christening outfit at all time and patent leather white shoes or something. I'm scared about the judgment they are going to pass as they did that with his brothers wife. She let their little boys hair grow long and they just hazed her constantly about it being a Kentucky (where she's from) white trash hair do (we are talking sweet 2 inch baby boy curls) and MIL asked for her bday that they cut the child's hair. She's down right mean spirited as his brothers baby boy before this one died...so insenstive. I'm like, you would think MIL would just be thrilled this baby is healthy and not be a awful mean human being about the 1 year olds hair. So I feel like I'm going into the octagon to battle. They are already making jokes about how she might 'hit my baby' like it would be a ridiculous thing for her to do (I called her out on hitting my fiancé in the face and told MIL's husband that was unacceptable behavior we will not be hitting anyone in the face or otherwise) and she was very embarrassed. She's not someone you want on your bad side as I said she is smart and angry and very malicious and competitive. Other note: when MIL came to the beach here she stopped up and down this beautiful hawaiian beach with giant sunglasses on, tons of makeup and designer clothes and came marching up to my fiancé and I and angrily said 'there's not a woman on this entire beach that DESERVES to be in a bathing suit!" Appearance is everything to her and God forbid someone have body fat. She literally barely eats and works outs 7 days a week as a 65 year old. Talk about type A personality. She must have had a heart attacked that I wore a bikini pregnant and ate hummus on my couch in a sports bra in front of her with a big belly and cellulite on my legs. Another thing to mentioned is she feels very threatened by me financially. They have always hung things over fiancé's head and been his backup although he's never needed it, but they always try to bride him. I am very lucky to be extremely well off (we never need to work again) and she hates that. I don't care if we have money or are poor as I have been both, but to her it's like I'm winning some imaginary contest in her head because she values that so much and it makes her mad and feel totally out of control. She was like this fancy queen bee and she feels like I have one-up'd her and makes comments all the time like 'ohh well it's nothing like the nice house you've got, not sure it would be enough for you' just to jab at us. This is long winded but, I don't want to stay at their house when we go to town. She keeps trying to get me away from my baby and offering to take us skiing and we can just dump the baby with her, or telling us she's cleared her schedule when I tell her about an upcoming trip. Not only do I not want to 'dump' the baby, I don't trust her not to lose her temper (she has an awful one) and not smack the baby when he pukes on her designer outfit, but I don't want her influence around my children. And I certainly don't want to go stay in her den. My fiancé's dad called him and said basically we HAVE to stay in their house, it would be very insulting for us to stay in a hotel and they want to see the baby lots. They also have this idea that we are going to go run around the city and leave the baby with them. Not happening, he will be 4 months old then and I don't feel comfortable. I don't even want her giving baby a bottle. How do I tell my fiancé I want to stay at hotels when we go and that I want minimal contact? And how do I handle her witty insulating manipulative comments to me which are plentiful in a healthy way to set boundries from the start? I don't mind them seeing the baby a couple times a year because I feel like it makes my fiancé happy to check in with them (he too goes nuts for more than a couple days around them) but I want clear lines. I won't be leaving my baby unsupervised and they certainly aren't taking him overnight etc...keep in mind I've had to explain my fiance that he needs to set boundries with him mom and not let her slap him in the face and be a total crazy person. He just tries to let everything go and hold his breath when he's around her just to not piss her off because apparently when she doesn't get her way she makes his dad miserable and it makes fiancé sad. Help! Please😁 our trip is a week away!
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