Long-time lurker but made this account as I wanted a place to freely express myself without being tied to my old account and people who know me IRL
I have 4 kids, ODS who is 22, ODD who is 11, MDD who is 7 and YDD who is 3.
ODS went to college on the East coast and currently has a job there, we live on the West coast. A little less than two years ago ODS began dating a girl we will call *Britney*. We met her when she came to visit with ODS over the summer after they began dating and she seemed nice. They were only in town for a few days though and stayed at a hotel in a major city an hour, came to visit for an hour before catching their flight so we mostly just made small talk and tried to get to know her.
ODS called me a few weeks after they returned home and told me Britney was pregnant and that he had also accepted a job about a half hour away from us and they would be moving. I was a little shocked but excited for them and spoke to them both to say congrats. My sister is a realtor so she helped them look for places as they weren't able to fly out and find somthing before ODS needed to start his job. While they were figuring out moving and everything, I spoke to ODS every couple weeks or so. He often facetimes with his younger sisters as well. I would often ask about Britney and how they pregnancy was and ODS would always say fine. I wanted to get to know Britney more but did not want to be the over bearing MIL like mine is/was. I sent her a nice card and just wrote how happy I was for them both, that she would make an incrediable mother and I was so glad that she was with ODS. She didn't reply to the card or mention it, but DH said maybe they were just busy getting ready to move and everything with the pregnancy that it slipped her mind. 5 days before the move the furniture arrived at their rental home and ODS asked if DH and I minded being there for the delivery and setup, we went up there and while everything was being put in place ODS called and said I was on speaker as they were driving. I said hi to both he and Britney and just in general ask Britney how she had been as I mostly speak to ODS. She didn't respond, I heard sniffling and then she yelled loudly/ cried "I don't wanna talk!". I just quietly said okay and there was a long pause and I updated ODS on what was going on in the house, ODS was silent and said we would speak later and then hung up. DH and I leave the house an hour after the convo and as we are driving home ODS calls and says he has turned down the job and they will not be moving. I was concerned but just said "Okay, whatever you want we support honey". He said that they would be moving in with Britney's family in her parent's in-law apartment and he had taken a job working for Britney's father. I congradulated him on the job and then he said he had to go as they had a dr appointment.
Fast forward, ODS calls every couple weeks and conversations are mostly about weather on both our ends or his job. I ask about Britney and the baby and am told they are fine.
Right around the time they are finding out the gender, ODS actually mentions the pregnancy and says they are having a gender reveal party at Britney's aunt's house and doing a cute reveal that he says I would have liked. ODS promises to call DH and myself at a certain time as soon as he knows the gender, as DH and I had a funeral mass. The time comes and goes by a few hours and we call ODS's phone and Britney answers saying ODS is getting a soda, I asked if they know the gender and she says no. Not even 5 mins later right before we leave for the church I see on Britney's mother's facebook pictures from the party and that they are expecting a baby girl! DH calls ODS's phone so excited and Britney answers, he says congrats and she doesn't respond just says "ODS will call later, we are with family" and then hangs up. To be honest we were both very hurt and feel like distant friends of theirs then family, but brush it off as it is their lives and hopefully eventually we will be included. ODS calls later that night and I chat with him for a few mins, he says work is getting pretty busy so he won't be calling as often. Earlier the next morning I get a text from Britney saying "Please tell ODD and MDD they are not allowed to facetime us without our permission".I was unaware ODD had tried to facetime her brother during her ipad time that morning. I apologize and text back it won't happen again, I confront the girls and tell them they are not to contact their brother without him reaching out first as he is very busy. The months go by and I see through facebook Britney and her mother getting everything ready for the baby, shopping for the nursery and getting maternity pictures. I comment how beautiful she looks in the photos and get no responce. I was in the hospital for surgery during the baby shower and had called Britney's mother beforehand to explain. She says "No worries, Britney has been so moody I am sure she will ignore half the guests anyway so you're actually better off!"The comment acutally makes me feel better and hope after the pregnancy things will settle down and I will get to know her better. I send gifts as well as some books ODS loved as a child. ODS sends me a thank you note.
ODS calls when Britney is around 8 months along and I ask how things are going, he says that he and Britney have decided that with his work and Britney's grandmother being ill that they probably won't be making a visit home in the baby's first year. ODD has a competation an hour away from where they live when they baby would be almost 4 months old and I ask if we could possibly stop by and meet the baby around that time. I say we would only stay for about an hour if we did come by as we had a tight schedule, of course everything is up to them I tell him. He says they will let me know when they are ready for visitors. The baby is born and I see pics on Britney's mother's facebook and learn her name. I comment to her mother saying congrats, how beautiful she is and to give her a kiss from me. One of britney's cousins comment and saying "Congrats auntie!". ODS calls a little while later and gives me DGD's stats and say she is doing well and so is Britney. We text back and forth every couple weeks until ODS drops his phone in water. I call their house phone one day to ask ODS a question and get no answer. We then began emailing as ODS says they have kept their home phone off to keep from waking the baby.
A month before we will be in the area, ODD is facetiming with ODS and asks if we will get to see the baby if we drive through their area (I never mentioned visiting at all to her) and ODS says the baby is still little so they don't want her around tons of people. She is upset and ends the call early.
Fast forward to now, it has been 3 months since the competation and last time I spoke with ODS (3 days ago) I asked when would be a good time to visit. Britney is in the background and says "Tell them to please stop asking!". By this point, I rarely speak to ODS for periods longer than five mins, haven't gotten any pictures and basically feel like I am more bonded and know more about the neighbor's new baby than I do my own son and his child. DH and I hace concluded that they were is clearly some type of private issue going on and they want this distance. My mother passed away 11 days ago without ever meeting the baby. I have cried in private multiple times about the suitation and DH is sad as well. I miss my son and would like to get to know his daughter. I have gone over everything I have ever said to Britney to see if I could have offended her and we have come up with nothing. Any advice on where to go from here? At this point we have just been focusing on raising our DDs and let ODS reach out to us. I will answer all questions, if I don't reply I am not hair flipping, just have an early day tomorrow and can't promise I won't fall asleep lol! I have my big girl panties on, thanks so much if you have read all this and for any and all advice!