I’ve been a member of BBC for a few months and have lurked on this board but have gone anon due to my screen name.
This is going to be long so thank you for taking the time to read through this post. Here’s my situation…FTM and we are expecting LO in a few months and I am needing help on how to navigate through some things, particularly my MIL, because even typing all this out will give me major anxiety. This will be her first grandchild so she is over-the-moon with excitement, which of course makes my happy, but it is still so overwhelming. Here are a few things that she’s said/continues to say that have gotten under my skin and I need help with handling in the future since I know she will be bring these things up again (I really tried to stop the info train before it even left the station but was unsuccessful):
- Childcare:
DH and I agreed to daycare five days a week (for socialization, routine, location from my work, no familial childcare, etc.) so we told her we’ve got childcare covered. She just brought it up again recently…“well, if LO is sick, I can watch LO during the day while you are at work.” Thanks, MIL, but I have PTO saved if LO is sick and I need to stay home with LO - this woman is way too forgetful so I would not allow LO unsupervised time with MIL.
- Hospital:
She’s asked three or four times now where we are giving birth (DH and I plan on registering private, btw). This brought up a brand new slew of questions and I tried to shut down the topic by saying DH and I have not yet had our birthing class and we have not toured the hospital so we have no further information. That of course did not work.
- Labor:
Made it clear to her that when I go into labor the only people that will be in the delivery room is DH and myself (my mother also reiterated this info to MIL so she’s been told more than once but cannot seem to remember). This did not stop MIL from making offhand comments about how I’ll “probably want my mom in there with me…want my mom’s help to change LO’s diapers, etc.” like it’s a competition between grandmothers or something. My response is that what the nursing staff is for.
- Visitors:
The hospital talk of course turns into the visitors talk. I let her know that there is no way of knowing when I will go into labor, what type of delivery I will have to have, and what the recovery time will be like. Of course, that did not work for me so I finally said our friends recently gave birth and they sent a text to everyone when LO arrived, when they were home and ready for visitors. My MIL’s response: “ughhh….but what about the graaandparents?!” Uhh, I think what you meant to say, MIL, is what about your grandchild’s health and well-being, as well as your DIL’s recovery after childbirth…? I also added that we will not be accepting any uninvited guests/unannounced drop-bys while we were on the topic of visitors.
- Holidays
With the holidays coming up, she is wanting to show off her GMOTY abilities and tote LO around in front of family but I shut that down because DH and I were very clear that since LO will not be old enough for vaccinations we will more than likely be staying in at home but immediate family can come visit if they choose to do so. I cannot image life with a newborn that has the flu/whooping cough so that is why we would be staying in. Her response, “so and so said this will be their last time to host for the holidays.” I looked MIL dead in the eye and just said “okay” and you think that my response was that I was never allowing MIL to see LO.
I’m sure there are more comments/issues that I have shoved to the back of my mind but this is enough information for you all to see if there’s a MIL problem or a me problem and how to proceed. I feel like I should add that my DH does interject in the conversation if MIL starts to get upset because she’s not being fed the answers she wants to hear. Like I previously mentioned, I try to stop the info train but she just keeps nitpicking at the topic until it gets discussed. TIA for all your help/advise...I desperately need it.