Alright this is probably going to be long but I need to get it all out so that I can get the cold hard truth and best way to handle this from you all.
BG: My sis and I were finally able to contact our Dad in September (That is a whole other BSC story that involves my CO FOO) He is incredibly not boundary stomping and thinks very simillar to how I do so it has been a great relationship.What my sister and I have come to realize is that our Dad seems to have a thing for BSC women. My Dad married our SMom a year or so before we were not allowed to see him anymore and so we barely got to know the woman. Plus we were 11 so I didn't remember much about her. In less than a year it has become clear that she is a huge boundary stomper.
Her family is huge and incredibly emeshed. Because her family is like this, she somehow has it in her mind that all families are like this. She texts and emails at least 5 times a week. Her emails range from advice on putting my son in modeling, which is something I have never said I wanted to do, to 100 person group messages of a wedding video for a distant cousin because and I quote "It is so important everyone recieves this family video to cherise this moment" I BH majority of her messages unless it involves an invitation to an event or her saying she is giving my information to some random person because she has a connection to them 10 years ago for a month and they can "help me". I am always polite and shut it down.
I could go on and on about things she has pulled in less than this year but Ill give the latest event as an example of her BSC.
My SMom's family is Jewish. So my brother just turned 13 and they threw this huge Bar Mitzvah. I wont even go into the details on the thousands of dollars they spent on what looked like a 5 year olds birthday party. For the past 2 months before the Bar Mitzvah I have gotten tons of emails and texts about how everyone in the family must participate in the ceremony part of the event at the temple. This was not something that I felt completely comfortable with (main reason being I am 9 months pregnant with a fidgiting 2 year old) and so I approaced my SMom and Dad saying that we would would come but not particpate. They said of course and they understood. I continued to get email after email from SMom with new suggestions for participationg, poems and chair holding and they all ended with a backwards way of saying that if I did not particpate then it didn't show my love to my brother. I shut that down really fast. My SMom even after all of that sneakily got her way when at the very end of the ceremony she made eye contact with the (Rabbi?) and he said for all of Brothers siblings to come up to the front. I then had to do all these things for the ceremony and was super tict off that I was put on the spot like that.
FF to now: I am having a RCS middle of July and I am an incredibly private person. I have a close relationship with my thankfully non BSC inlaws and they are watching DS for us. They respectfully said to let them know when we are ready for visitors or want them to bring DS to meet his new brother. I told my DH that I only want immediate family for visitors and he agreed (We had a couple issues with ODS and boundary stomping when he was born) Since last seeing my dad he had 3 kids. They are 9, 11 and 13 years old. They are the rowdiest bunch I have ever met. They kick and hit and scream at each other and are incredibly aggressive. They also are always sick. Even the LC we have with my Dad and Smom, my DS always gets sick after visiting. I decided weeks ago that I would not let my siblings visit baby at least until he was a couple weeks old and have been trying to prepare how to tell SMom this because she will go crazy that her "babies" arent getting what they want!
Yesterday I finally got the c section date and I sent a message to my dad saying that my hospital has strict rules on visitors and I would let them know about visiting. (They are all on a cruise right now and I want to get into more detail in person with them since then SMom can't pretend she didnt hear)
He sends me this and I am 100% positive my Smom wrote it since my dad is Dyslexic and his text messages are hard to read and this one was sent speedily and with perfect spelling:
"Thanks. Still packing boat doesnt load until 1. Let us know when the c section is scheduled. I'm sure we can work with the hospital they are normally more bluster than bite. They will aquiess to you if you insist. Besides we're not going to be demanding to be in the delivery room and we'll just wait in thewaiting room until there is a thumbs up that you and Ben are good and are cleaned up. Have a good weekend and well talk next week."
No No no! I am a super private person and I don't want them immediately there waiting to hand my baby over. Plus the hospital has a no children under 12 unless sibling of baby. Also I am almost 100% sure that non of my siblings are vaccinated and that is a huge no! I have a feeling if I tell them the hospital I am having baby at that they will call and push for information. That theyll lie and say my 11 year old sis is 12 because she HAS to see the baaaby. I was completely looking forward to a calm and relaxing recovery after my first being hell. I really want my dad to come see the baby but not till day 3 when I am feeling more like a human being? Maybe not even till we are all home and settled.
Please help. Should I respond to this message? Should I still have the sit down talk with my hospital rules and what I want for this delivery?
According to family that were present, my SMom was super crazy and demanding about family memembers being present for birth. Like she only wanted her foot rubbed a specific way, and her back massaged only counter clockwise and then around 30 family members watched her during the actual pushing part. So I know I can't relate it to how she felt for her births.
