This may get long-
Let's start with problem #1 (my in laws).
My mil and fil love my sil and are her puppets. It is abuse how sil takes advantage of them. She is almost 40 but relies on them intensely. She is in a bad marriage with two little girls and financially can't support herself because the guy she is married too refuses to help provide. He is abusive and spends their money but she refuses to leave him. So instead she has financially bankrupt my in laws and they have spent their 401k on her. They have horrible health due to their own choices (diet and smoking) but mil also has multiple sclerosis but thankfully hers is very slow progressing.
Even with their health, my mil takes my SIL's kiddos for the entire summer all summer every summer. For free. While paying for all the air fair and everything. They can not afford this but do it anyway.
She may come and see my boys at our house for a few days a year. Fil never visits.
Mil is a horrible liar and never tells us the truth. Ever. She covers for my sil and just lies to lie I guess. She told us she wasn't coming to visit at all this summer then called us the day she needed us to get her from the airport 3 hours away on a work day. She flew because sil needed her too. We are always an after thought and I had begged her to tell us her travel plans and she never can. So she bends and breaks for sil but we aren't even told travel plans. She's totally my bec....
Also, a LOT of my bitterness is due to the fact that we never ask for help or anything at all. We are very stable and never need anything. And in our moments where we do need something, we figure out our own mess. I have little sympathy for moochers.
Okay so last September we actually needed her. We found out our precious fourth boy passed away inutero and we were being induced the next day. We wanted her here for that. We needed her. We offered to pay the airfare and to arrange it all. She refused because my fil had a dental appointment. I've never forgiven her for that. I'm now due in 6 days with our rainbow and we invited her to come and she also refused. That's fine because I pretty much can't stand her at this point.
Here's the thing though. She was here for a couple days last month (when she brought my nieces back and "had" to fly). While here it was dreadful. She told me she plans on moving in with us when the time comes. She can't stand my SIL's husband and said she will just move in with us. F no. There is no way. This has been keeping me up at night. I tried to ease in the option of senior living and she shot it down adamantly. Y'all, I will not survive her and fil living with us. It can't happen. But they no retirement and horrible health. Why does that burden fall on us? Why are we going to have to have them live with us or pay for them? How is any of that fair? No. Just no. Sil is GOING to have that burden since she has ruined them in the first place....
Or am I a selfish b for even being so heartless? I don't know how to bring it up or what to do.
Problem 2: my Foo
I don't have much family. To shorten it a bit my mom abandoned me at 15 and has since been in and out of prison. She is a hard core felon and I have zero contact. Dad committed suicide at 15 after mom left.
I was left with my paternal grandma who let me live with her until graduation. Then cut me off. My three younger siblings grew up in a group home. I have a large affluent foo and none chose to raise us or help us period. That sums up how horrid they are.
Even so I keep contact since they live 15 minutes from me. I see them a couple times a year. It's not pleasant. I had reached out to them asking is they could help watch my older boys while I was giving birth. It was a couple hours during the day-not that big of a deal. My grandma (whom I lived with) said she can't commit because she may be dead by then. Seriously. Ugh. I love my family....
Well she calls me today to check in and informs me that she is coming to the hospital when I'm being induced. Wth!? No! We just moved over the summer 10 more minutes north and she told me to not expect anymore visits because that was too far now. She has an extremely busy pet sitting business and drives everywhere everyday. But ten more minutes north is a deal breaker? Whatever.
But now she wants to come to my birth? Ummmm. I tried to say no by saying I don't like company while in labor and pushing there is no one allowed except dh. She insisted. Lord have mercy....
Y'all. My family is a nuclear disaster and I'm so sick of it. So sick of it. I want to move to Alaska and never see anyone again.![:(]( ":(")
Lastly, mil dumped her cigarette ashes into our $100 steel trash can and I can't get the smell out and don't want to throw out the trash can. It already makes my house smell like smoke when she visits. Is it wrong to require that no one stays unless they don't smoke!? I HATE smoking.
Okay that's it![:)]( ":)")
. Help!!
Let's start with problem #1 (my in laws).
My mil and fil love my sil and are her puppets. It is abuse how sil takes advantage of them. She is almost 40 but relies on them intensely. She is in a bad marriage with two little girls and financially can't support herself because the guy she is married too refuses to help provide. He is abusive and spends their money but she refuses to leave him. So instead she has financially bankrupt my in laws and they have spent their 401k on her. They have horrible health due to their own choices (diet and smoking) but mil also has multiple sclerosis but thankfully hers is very slow progressing.
Even with their health, my mil takes my SIL's kiddos for the entire summer all summer every summer. For free. While paying for all the air fair and everything. They can not afford this but do it anyway.
She may come and see my boys at our house for a few days a year. Fil never visits.
Mil is a horrible liar and never tells us the truth. Ever. She covers for my sil and just lies to lie I guess. She told us she wasn't coming to visit at all this summer then called us the day she needed us to get her from the airport 3 hours away on a work day. She flew because sil needed her too. We are always an after thought and I had begged her to tell us her travel plans and she never can. So she bends and breaks for sil but we aren't even told travel plans. She's totally my bec....
Also, a LOT of my bitterness is due to the fact that we never ask for help or anything at all. We are very stable and never need anything. And in our moments where we do need something, we figure out our own mess. I have little sympathy for moochers.
Okay so last September we actually needed her. We found out our precious fourth boy passed away inutero and we were being induced the next day. We wanted her here for that. We needed her. We offered to pay the airfare and to arrange it all. She refused because my fil had a dental appointment. I've never forgiven her for that. I'm now due in 6 days with our rainbow and we invited her to come and she also refused. That's fine because I pretty much can't stand her at this point.
Here's the thing though. She was here for a couple days last month (when she brought my nieces back and "had" to fly). While here it was dreadful. She told me she plans on moving in with us when the time comes. She can't stand my SIL's husband and said she will just move in with us. F no. There is no way. This has been keeping me up at night. I tried to ease in the option of senior living and she shot it down adamantly. Y'all, I will not survive her and fil living with us. It can't happen. But they no retirement and horrible health. Why does that burden fall on us? Why are we going to have to have them live with us or pay for them? How is any of that fair? No. Just no. Sil is GOING to have that burden since she has ruined them in the first place....
Or am I a selfish b for even being so heartless? I don't know how to bring it up or what to do.
Problem 2: my Foo
I don't have much family. To shorten it a bit my mom abandoned me at 15 and has since been in and out of prison. She is a hard core felon and I have zero contact. Dad committed suicide at 15 after mom left.
I was left with my paternal grandma who let me live with her until graduation. Then cut me off. My three younger siblings grew up in a group home. I have a large affluent foo and none chose to raise us or help us period. That sums up how horrid they are.
Even so I keep contact since they live 15 minutes from me. I see them a couple times a year. It's not pleasant. I had reached out to them asking is they could help watch my older boys while I was giving birth. It was a couple hours during the day-not that big of a deal. My grandma (whom I lived with) said she can't commit because she may be dead by then. Seriously. Ugh. I love my family....
Well she calls me today to check in and informs me that she is coming to the hospital when I'm being induced. Wth!? No! We just moved over the summer 10 more minutes north and she told me to not expect anymore visits because that was too far now. She has an extremely busy pet sitting business and drives everywhere everyday. But ten more minutes north is a deal breaker? Whatever.
But now she wants to come to my birth? Ummmm. I tried to say no by saying I don't like company while in labor and pushing there is no one allowed except dh. She insisted. Lord have mercy....
Y'all. My family is a nuclear disaster and I'm so sick of it. So sick of it. I want to move to Alaska and never see anyone again.
Lastly, mil dumped her cigarette ashes into our $100 steel trash can and I can't get the smell out and don't want to throw out the trash can. It already makes my house smell like smoke when she visits. Is it wrong to require that no one stays unless they don't smoke!? I HATE smoking.
Okay that's it
. Help!!