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Hey ladies! Longtime lurker first time poster and all that jazz.
So I'm having an issue with AIL. A little background, my 1yo DD has CHARGE Syndrome and along with other issues is completely deaf. We're looking into getting her a Cochlear implant and insurance will pay for the surgery but not the device. The device alone (for only one side) is 50k. Thats way over or affordability, so I started a go fund me, to start raising funds and it's been going well!
Shortly after starting the go fund me, AIL approached me and asked if she could throw us a benefit, I said yes, I was so thankful! Asking people for money is HARD and I don't like it. I was so glad that someone was willing to help.
AIL lives about an hour away from us so she asked if I could just secure a location to have the benefit/silent auction at and she would get some people together to help her. No problem! I get a location. She then asks me to do more and more, which again, is no problem to me, it's for my baby girl. She tells me we NEED to have a beer bust because it will bring in more money and people. Awesome, let's do it! I ask her if she would set that up because I have no idea what that even entails as I'm not a big drinker. She reported with "oh why don't we just forget about a beer bust." Ok? I was definitely irritated but let it go and told her I'll just ask our venue about it. At this point AIL has done nothing but ask me to do stuff. She still hadnt gotten anyone else to help like she said she would. But again wasn't complaining because I felt it would be disrespectful or ungrateful since she was throwing it for me. There's a ton of other smaller details but I'd be here all day if I typed them out.
So then yesterday rolls around. I put together a basket of some small unused (new in package) things I had laying around (this is relevant I promise) and a few things i grabbed from the dollar spot at target as a basket for the auction. It turned out super cute and I was super excited so I sent AIL a picture of it. Oh. My. Gosh. Apparently I did the worst thing EVER! According to her the basket was too full. She said we needed to spread it out more so that we make more money and cost is low, and maybe put only two things in a basket. Seriously guys, I had maybe 5 dollars put into this basket that could sell for 20. Also it was office supplies, so she wanted me to only put a pen and paperclips in it. Anyway back to the point, I nicely told AIL I wasn't comfortable with that as I would feel like I was ripping people off and I would feel guilty. That i understood it was charity but if people wanted to give their money for basically nothing they could donate to the gofundme or put it in the donation box. She just wouldn't let it go. She kept pushing and pushing and claiming she sees this at fundraisers all the time. Thats fine! Bottom line was I felt uncomfortable with it just please respect my wishes.All I kept saying was, it would weigh on my consience, i would feel guilty ripping people off, and I was uncomfortable with it. That should be all that needs to be said right? I was tying to explain why super nicely!
So later that night AIL messages me and says "I think it will be a lot less stressful if I bow out." (It was actually a 2 page message I can attach screen shots in coments.) I immediately felt releived. But a few seconds later I felt litteraly sick to my stomach I was so upset. I seriously almost threw up. I couldn't figure out why I felt this upset. I had been hurt and disrespected before and have never had a physical reaction like this. And then it clicked. She disrespected my baby. And that hurt way worse than anything. My baby who will already have a rough go of it. It was a stab to the heart that she would do that to my DD. Who does that?
Am I the one in the wrong to be so upset? Or should I not have even expected anything even though it was offered? Should I not have a say in my basket I'm making? Am I allowed to be uncomfortable with what they're selling to my community, family and friends? My family name is on this so I feel I have a right to care or be uncomfortable. I could be wrong? I'm just so mind blown, To me it seems like a horrible thing to do to someone. I have never really been involved in charity so I could be wrong. I'm so unsure. Do normal people do this?
Also I want to write a letter. Something along the lines of "you disrespected DD and that hurts beyond words. I will forgive you but will never allow for myself or DD to be in that position by you ever again. I have never imagined a family member who claimed to love DD so much would disrespect my child. I was wrong. Thanks for teaching me that lesson." Or something like that. You ladies are good at putting it into better words. Please help!
Submit
Hey ladies! Longtime lurker first time poster and all that jazz.
So I'm having an issue with AIL. A little background, my 1yo DD has CHARGE Syndrome and along with other issues is completely deaf. We're looking into getting her a Cochlear implant and insurance will pay for the surgery but not the device. The device alone (for only one side) is 50k. Thats way over or affordability, so I started a go fund me, to start raising funds and it's been going well!
Shortly after starting the go fund me, AIL approached me and asked if she could throw us a benefit, I said yes, I was so thankful! Asking people for money is HARD and I don't like it. I was so glad that someone was willing to help.
AIL lives about an hour away from us so she asked if I could just secure a location to have the benefit/silent auction at and she would get some people together to help her. No problem! I get a location. She then asks me to do more and more, which again, is no problem to me, it's for my baby girl. She tells me we NEED to have a beer bust because it will bring in more money and people. Awesome, let's do it! I ask her if she would set that up because I have no idea what that even entails as I'm not a big drinker. She reported with "oh why don't we just forget about a beer bust." Ok? I was definitely irritated but let it go and told her I'll just ask our venue about it. At this point AIL has done nothing but ask me to do stuff. She still hadnt gotten anyone else to help like she said she would. But again wasn't complaining because I felt it would be disrespectful or ungrateful since she was throwing it for me. There's a ton of other smaller details but I'd be here all day if I typed them out.
So then yesterday rolls around. I put together a basket of some small unused (new in package) things I had laying around (this is relevant I promise) and a few things i grabbed from the dollar spot at target as a basket for the auction. It turned out super cute and I was super excited so I sent AIL a picture of it. Oh. My. Gosh. Apparently I did the worst thing EVER! According to her the basket was too full. She said we needed to spread it out more so that we make more money and cost is low, and maybe put only two things in a basket. Seriously guys, I had maybe 5 dollars put into this basket that could sell for 20. Also it was office supplies, so she wanted me to only put a pen and paperclips in it. Anyway back to the point, I nicely told AIL I wasn't comfortable with that as I would feel like I was ripping people off and I would feel guilty. That i understood it was charity but if people wanted to give their money for basically nothing they could donate to the gofundme or put it in the donation box. She just wouldn't let it go. She kept pushing and pushing and claiming she sees this at fundraisers all the time. Thats fine! Bottom line was I felt uncomfortable with it just please respect my wishes.All I kept saying was, it would weigh on my consience, i would feel guilty ripping people off, and I was uncomfortable with it. That should be all that needs to be said right? I was tying to explain why super nicely!
So later that night AIL messages me and says "I think it will be a lot less stressful if I bow out." (It was actually a 2 page message I can attach screen shots in coments.) I immediately felt releived. But a few seconds later I felt litteraly sick to my stomach I was so upset. I seriously almost threw up. I couldn't figure out why I felt this upset. I had been hurt and disrespected before and have never had a physical reaction like this. And then it clicked. She disrespected my baby. And that hurt way worse than anything. My baby who will already have a rough go of it. It was a stab to the heart that she would do that to my DD. Who does that?
Am I the one in the wrong to be so upset? Or should I not have even expected anything even though it was offered? Should I not have a say in my basket I'm making? Am I allowed to be uncomfortable with what they're selling to my community, family and friends? My family name is on this so I feel I have a right to care or be uncomfortable. I could be wrong? I'm just so mind blown, To me it seems like a horrible thing to do to someone. I have never really been involved in charity so I could be wrong. I'm so unsure. Do normal people do this?
Also I want to write a letter. Something along the lines of "you disrespected DD and that hurts beyond words. I will forgive you but will never allow for myself or DD to be in that position by you ever again. I have never imagined a family member who claimed to love DD so much would disrespect my child. I was wrong. Thanks for teaching me that lesson." Or something like that. You ladies are good at putting it into better words. Please help!