I have read the sticky and lurked for probably close to a year....I think it may be time to cut off my MOO. I will try to keep the BG as short as possible. If anyone has questions please ask.
BG: Parents divorced when I was 4 brother was 3. My grandparents took custody of us because both parents were doing drugs. My dad got clean immediately after separating from my mom but also immediately married my stepmom who didn't want anymore kids and literally did not feed my brother and I when my dad was at work. On to my mom....she got clean off and on so she was in and out of our lives, stole from us, and I was constantly worried that she was dead and I would never see her again. She got clean for good when I was 13. This was difficult for all of us. I resented her and she felt like she should get to be my mom. She moved about an hour away and my brother and I stayed with my grandparents. We saw her off and on every few months.
I am now 32 with two children, 4 year old DD and almost 5 month old son. I have desperately wanted that mother daughter relationship with her but I feel like she constantly lets me down. She hasn't worked in roughly 8 years and has hep C with cirrhosis of the liver and COPD so not in the best health but does nothing to take care of herself. Still smokes and won't go to the doctor and stay on top of her health. For the last four years I had given up on a mother daughter relationship and told her what was important to me was her relationship with my children. She kept my DD for the first two years of her life while I worked. We paid her and maintained her vehicle. Meanwhile my brother has moved 1500 miles away because he doesn't want to be near family and "hates" my mother. He is cruel to her and hurts her every chance he gets. When I was pregnant with my DD my mom promised she would stop smoking before she was born. Obviously, that didn't happen. DD goes to daycare when she is 2 because my mother has become completely unreliable due to her health and generally being a flake. MyDD is very attached other and mom goes from seeing her everyday to once every couple of months despite me telling her she can pick her up from daycare whenever she wants and having her own car seat. My DD frequently cries about wanting to see her Grandma to this day. Last fall, I found out I was pregnant with my son and due mid April. I ask my mom in December if she will watch my daughter and stay with her while hubs and I are at the hospital she says yes of course. We talk about it a few more times over the next two months. In February, she schedules a 10 day trip that starts 2 days before I hit 39 weeks. I of course go into labor two days after she left. I had also talked with her multiple times about watching my DS after I went back to work. Every time we talked she promised she would watch him the days I worked (literally 1 to 2 days a week) and that she wanted to do it for me. She saw my son 3 times during my maternity leave and each time had to all her and ask her to come by or come see DD. Meanwhile my brother has physically abused his wife, threatened to kill himself and admitted to having an alcohol problem. He goes to rehab and soon to be ex-wife keeps their one year old. The week I go back to work my brother gets out of rehab, starts divorce proceedings and tells my mom he "needs" her to cone down for a month so they can do intense therapy. My mom leaves a week later leaving my husband and I to scramble for childcare. Mom and bro never go to therapy and he really just wants her there to take care of his son that he has 50/50 custody of. Meanwhile, my mom is still saying she will be back the first week of August and will start watching DS again. She doesn't call DD the entire time she is gone. Bro calls Saturday and says he wants my mom to move up there for 6 months "because he can help her get her medical issues taken care of, stop smoking, and work on her self esteem". After much eye rolling on my part I tell him she is an adult and she can do what she wants. I call her Sunday, the day she is supposed to start driving home and toward the end of the conversation she says "well I will see you next weekend" this is after she told me Thursday she would watch my DS this Wednesday. I lose my mind on her because she has again put the hubs and I in a situation where we have to scramble for childcare. At this point, we decided to put DS in Daycare. Mom finally comes back mid August....doesn't call to see DD or DS. She and I get into it and I tell her that I'm hurt and I feel like she has just let me down again and that I can't count on her for anything. Convo ends with me telling her I had to go and we never speak about it again. A week later she post on FB that she has moved to my brothers without telling us or telling my DD bye. I block her from our FB's and from my phone. I think I'm done. I feel like she is abandoning my children just like she did my brother and I. I did not block her from hubs phone so she called him Thursday and he told her I was very hurt and felt like she had screwed me over to go be with my brother who treated her like dirt for years. My DD's bday was Friday and we did not hear from her until today....she texted my husband and said "if y'all were trying to break my heart you succeeded" WTF??? Am I being a selfish brat like she is saying or am I protecting my kids from her by cutting her off now?
BG: Parents divorced when I was 4 brother was 3. My grandparents took custody of us because both parents were doing drugs. My dad got clean immediately after separating from my mom but also immediately married my stepmom who didn't want anymore kids and literally did not feed my brother and I when my dad was at work. On to my mom....she got clean off and on so she was in and out of our lives, stole from us, and I was constantly worried that she was dead and I would never see her again. She got clean for good when I was 13. This was difficult for all of us. I resented her and she felt like she should get to be my mom. She moved about an hour away and my brother and I stayed with my grandparents. We saw her off and on every few months.
I am now 32 with two children, 4 year old DD and almost 5 month old son. I have desperately wanted that mother daughter relationship with her but I feel like she constantly lets me down. She hasn't worked in roughly 8 years and has hep C with cirrhosis of the liver and COPD so not in the best health but does nothing to take care of herself. Still smokes and won't go to the doctor and stay on top of her health. For the last four years I had given up on a mother daughter relationship and told her what was important to me was her relationship with my children. She kept my DD for the first two years of her life while I worked. We paid her and maintained her vehicle. Meanwhile my brother has moved 1500 miles away because he doesn't want to be near family and "hates" my mother. He is cruel to her and hurts her every chance he gets. When I was pregnant with my DD my mom promised she would stop smoking before she was born. Obviously, that didn't happen. DD goes to daycare when she is 2 because my mother has become completely unreliable due to her health and generally being a flake. MyDD is very attached other and mom goes from seeing her everyday to once every couple of months despite me telling her she can pick her up from daycare whenever she wants and having her own car seat. My DD frequently cries about wanting to see her Grandma to this day. Last fall, I found out I was pregnant with my son and due mid April. I ask my mom in December if she will watch my daughter and stay with her while hubs and I are at the hospital she says yes of course. We talk about it a few more times over the next two months. In February, she schedules a 10 day trip that starts 2 days before I hit 39 weeks. I of course go into labor two days after she left. I had also talked with her multiple times about watching my DS after I went back to work. Every time we talked she promised she would watch him the days I worked (literally 1 to 2 days a week) and that she wanted to do it for me. She saw my son 3 times during my maternity leave and each time had to all her and ask her to come by or come see DD. Meanwhile my brother has physically abused his wife, threatened to kill himself and admitted to having an alcohol problem. He goes to rehab and soon to be ex-wife keeps their one year old. The week I go back to work my brother gets out of rehab, starts divorce proceedings and tells my mom he "needs" her to cone down for a month so they can do intense therapy. My mom leaves a week later leaving my husband and I to scramble for childcare. Mom and bro never go to therapy and he really just wants her there to take care of his son that he has 50/50 custody of. Meanwhile, my mom is still saying she will be back the first week of August and will start watching DS again. She doesn't call DD the entire time she is gone. Bro calls Saturday and says he wants my mom to move up there for 6 months "because he can help her get her medical issues taken care of, stop smoking, and work on her self esteem". After much eye rolling on my part I tell him she is an adult and she can do what she wants. I call her Sunday, the day she is supposed to start driving home and toward the end of the conversation she says "well I will see you next weekend" this is after she told me Thursday she would watch my DS this Wednesday. I lose my mind on her because she has again put the hubs and I in a situation where we have to scramble for childcare. At this point, we decided to put DS in Daycare. Mom finally comes back mid August....doesn't call to see DD or DS. She and I get into it and I tell her that I'm hurt and I feel like she has just let me down again and that I can't count on her for anything. Convo ends with me telling her I had to go and we never speak about it again. A week later she post on FB that she has moved to my brothers without telling us or telling my DD bye. I block her from our FB's and from my phone. I think I'm done. I feel like she is abandoning my children just like she did my brother and I. I did not block her from hubs phone so she called him Thursday and he told her I was very hurt and felt like she had screwed me over to go be with my brother who treated her like dirt for years. My DD's bday was Friday and we did not hear from her until today....she texted my husband and said "if y'all were trying to break my heart you succeeded" WTF??? Am I being a selfish brat like she is saying or am I protecting my kids from her by cutting her off now?