I have one background post re my MIL (SO and I are not married but for ease I will call her MIL). Brief rundown, MIL pushed me in to the road and took the pushchair from me, then wandered off with the pushchair out of my sight causing me to panic. I had no backbone then but that swiftly changed. A 3 month TO and a disastrous CTJ followed and she has been mostly on eggshells since then, I think she genuinely fears me because she knows I am the gatekeeper to my kids, especially as the house is in my name and I am the only one that drives.
Situation at hand; I had DD2 11 weeks ago. MIL has been seeing more of us for this reason. Not ideal for me as I really dislike her but tolerate her for my SO. Before DD2 we saw her approximately every 3 weeks for a 2 hour visit. This was tolerable frequency for me. However, since new LO's arrival, we have been seeing her about once every week and a half and I have noticed she is starting to push again.
DD1 recently started preschool and MIL said she would have come to her first day if she hadn't already had an appointment that day. She knows she wasn't invited and we have had discussions about her trying to steal firsts before. She mentioned wanting to go on a cruise, she needed a holiday, my SO joked that we needed a holiday. She started going on about her friend's holiday home again, saying we should all go. She kept brining this up when DD1 was a baby. Saying she would babysit and we could go out. I told SO our first family holiday would not be with his mother. She made a statement the last visit, which was for my SO's birthday, that DD1 was her favourite. She has 7 other grandchildren, including my DD2, and 5 great grandchildren. But she has an unhealthy obsession with DD1.
Yesterday she called my SO to say she'd had a fall at work. I didn't hear all of the conversation because, well, toddler and baby. While I am feeding baby and trying to understand a rambling toddler I hear SO say "I will ask her but I don't know what she is doing this week." Immediately my heart sank. I knew she was asking to visit this week and also knew SO said what he said because we have a rule that he has to always be physically and mentally present and he is not to leave me alone with her. This is because he often misses her little p/a remarks because he has tuned out or wandered off to do something. He is working all week. I told him I would think about her visiting, I shouldn't have. I will not entertain her. I knew the answer and still said I would think about it. He should have known better and told her a visit didn't work for us.
I am apprehensive to discuss his mother with him because it always ends in an argument. He has got better at seeing my point of view but I know it is a topic that needs to be approached in the right way and I tend to get emotional and easily exasperated when he doesn't understand me.
How do I broach the topic, yet again, without it turning in to WWIII? Life has been good lately and I don't want that to change but the more she intrudes of our lives the more anxious I become.
All advice is welcome.
Situation at hand; I had DD2 11 weeks ago. MIL has been seeing more of us for this reason. Not ideal for me as I really dislike her but tolerate her for my SO. Before DD2 we saw her approximately every 3 weeks for a 2 hour visit. This was tolerable frequency for me. However, since new LO's arrival, we have been seeing her about once every week and a half and I have noticed she is starting to push again.
DD1 recently started preschool and MIL said she would have come to her first day if she hadn't already had an appointment that day. She knows she wasn't invited and we have had discussions about her trying to steal firsts before. She mentioned wanting to go on a cruise, she needed a holiday, my SO joked that we needed a holiday. She started going on about her friend's holiday home again, saying we should all go. She kept brining this up when DD1 was a baby. Saying she would babysit and we could go out. I told SO our first family holiday would not be with his mother. She made a statement the last visit, which was for my SO's birthday, that DD1 was her favourite. She has 7 other grandchildren, including my DD2, and 5 great grandchildren. But she has an unhealthy obsession with DD1.
Yesterday she called my SO to say she'd had a fall at work. I didn't hear all of the conversation because, well, toddler and baby. While I am feeding baby and trying to understand a rambling toddler I hear SO say "I will ask her but I don't know what she is doing this week." Immediately my heart sank. I knew she was asking to visit this week and also knew SO said what he said because we have a rule that he has to always be physically and mentally present and he is not to leave me alone with her. This is because he often misses her little p/a remarks because he has tuned out or wandered off to do something. He is working all week. I told him I would think about her visiting, I shouldn't have. I will not entertain her. I knew the answer and still said I would think about it. He should have known better and told her a visit didn't work for us.
I am apprehensive to discuss his mother with him because it always ends in an argument. He has got better at seeing my point of view but I know it is a topic that needs to be approached in the right way and I tend to get emotional and easily exasperated when he doesn't understand me.
How do I broach the topic, yet again, without it turning in to WWIII? Life has been good lately and I don't want that to change but the more she intrudes of our lives the more anxious I become.
All advice is welcome.