Hello oh wise DWILers! I have lurked here for a very long time and read almost daily. I'm breaking the silence in hopes of some guidance.
DH and I have CO my sister. There is a lot of BG, containing some triggers. The quick and dirty version is that my sister is a "sensitive" and "emotional" person which IMO translates to controlling and selfish. She has tantrums and crying fits that leave everyone around her feeling as though they cannot be honest with her or voice opinions that may be unfavorable in her eyes.
Although I met DH through sister and BIL, sis has never liked DH or my SD. SD was 2 when DH and I met, 3 when we married and is now 9. I am her main care giver as DH works long hours and her BM has very limited time with no overnights. This dynamic is not new, I consider my SD one of my kids and my family knows this.
Obviously parents/mothers don't get such limited time with their kids unless some bad things happen. SD has had a troubled past that did not leave her unscathed despite years of therapy.
There were two incidents that took place with my SD and one of my nieces. ***TRIGGER*** Sister claims SD was sexually inappropriate with her DD. The last of the two alleged incidents was three years ago. DH and I did take action and implemented safety strategies to keep all the kids safe. END TRIGGER
Sister seemed to move on and seemed satisfied with our action. Then she got upset with me over an unrelated incident where she read a private message of mine. Now she hates SD, says terrible things about her and is nasty towards her which is the reason we CO her.
I just found out she is slandering my DH and I saying that we never got SD therapy (lies), we don't protect our other kids from her (also lies), and that we never validated the above mentioned incidents (also a lie).
I really want to write her an email. Not to fix anything with her and not to change her mind, but to have a chance to finally say my peace and give myself some closure. My question is, is this a horrible idea? I am hurt and angry. I'm tired of her demonizing a little girl who was a victim first. I've spent so long skirting around her poor *feewings* and I just need to get it all out. Also, her lies could have an impact on my future career working with juveniles in the CRJ system. Also, our mother has her on a TO currently because she is like this with everyone.
Also, how have you all dealt with collateral damage? Obviously I won't be seeing her kids anymore and it hurts like Hell and I worry about them and their wellbeing (not exactly CPS worthy).
Any advice is welcome and if I need to share more BG with more details please ask.