I apologize for the long post.
Long time lurker, created this profile to post about current situation(a). I have been a chicken so I hadn't post before about it. Also, English is my second language so have patience with me if my grammar/spelling is not at 100%.
I put my sister on a TO about 5 months ago and need to know how to proceed about reconnecting or if not to reconnect at all.
First of all, I'm in the US and she's in another country, we see each other usually at Christmas/New year when my FOO comes to visit (dad, mom, sis and/or bro). My FOO might also visit again during the year and I travel back to country of origin for the whole summer. So basically I don't have to deal with her or avoid her unless well we are on the same country.
The reason she was put on a TO was because she insulted me via text message after she was asked not to share and delete my kiddos pictures from debil. I have a horrific past with my XH and my SIS for some reason always ends up being friends with all his girlfriends/wives (he's been married 4 times, I was wife number 1). My mom told me that the current wife of XH befriended my sister on debil and that my sister didn't know what do. I obviously said that she shouldn't accept her because they didn't know each other and how did she know it was her or what her intentions were. Well I found out a few weeks later that not only my sister accepted her facebook request but now they were friends in real life and had long talks about XH, me and my child. WTFF!?!?! So I send her a text message asking her why she was friends with her and she responded like a teenager would (she's 32 and When I she responded like a teenager is because the words she used are only used my teenagers in my country, rude things) I will try to translate as close as I can from Spanish to English:
Me: May I know why you are friends with XHW?
sis: oh, I dunno, she asked to be my friend and I just wanted to check her out
Me: check out what?
Sis: oh nothing just to see who she was or what she was up to, but if it bothers you I can kick her of FB
Me: I cannot tell you who to be friends with or not, but I think is very weird that you are friends with her, considering that she is XHW and the horrible things he did to me and my son
SIS: chill out you totally need to relax, that happened so long ago, not my fault you still traumatized (the words she was using were so hurtful and childish)
Me: it's ok, I just want to ask you to please remove my kids pictures from your FB as I don't want people who I don't know or their intentions to see them (she has over 1200 friends and most of them she's never met in person)
SIS: you don't tell me what to do with the pictures, they're my nieces/nephews and I will not take them down bitch
Me: they're my kids before they are your nieces/nephews and you have no right to do this, if you don't take the pics down then you won't have access to them
Sis: you're really fucked up, you seriously need therapy, you need to get on meds fast. You're hormonal. You're insane. F psycho. At least I go to therapy but you are so fucked up. (I hate writing all this horrible words and I apologize for them but that's how she went on)
I honestly stayed composed and only said things like, that's ok, I'm sorry you feel that way and yes I said once to her to go look at the mirror. What was funny was that she used all these cuss words and she kept saying how f rude I was and that I was being immature and that I should ask before I made accusations (which I did, I asked before and didn't accuse her of anything)and that I was using cuss words with her (which I didn't). Seriously it was ridiculous that she was accusing me of saying the things she was saying. Almost like she didn't even know what she doing. Now let me tell you that she's been in therapy since she was younger because she TRIGGER cuts herself and is always depressed end of TRIGGER. She's very very immature and acts like a 16yo. Lives still with my parents, doesn't work and doesn't even lift a finger at home. She's always throwing this tantrums to get away with things and she's seriously a pain in the ass, even my parents say that. She's never had one serious relationship, but I think is mostly because the way she is, she's absolutely gorgeous and very smart (at school/college) but then very immature. I understand there's some psychological issues going on but it's not my fault or my problem (although she's always reminding me how I called her ugly when she was 2 years old and I was 9, and I honestly don't remember calling her that but still apologized to her a while ago for it). I'm sorry this is so long.
Anyway she was put on a TO, and to be honest I have been very happy not knowing about her daily tantrums (mom and I chat almost everyday) and not thinking about her in general. But Christmas is coming and so FOO will come to visit. I'm afraid that when I say I don't want her here my Mom will flip out and try to either push for me to accept she comes or to not come at all, which honestly it's going to be bad for the kids and me because we really miss my parents. I know that at least my dad will come because he probably doesn't care about leaving my 32 yo sis behind. I guess my question is how do I handle this Christmas and the summer? Honestly I feel like she so negative and toxic that it's not worth trying to fix the relationship. At this moment I'm more like CO her.
Long time lurker, created this profile to post about current situation(a). I have been a chicken so I hadn't post before about it. Also, English is my second language so have patience with me if my grammar/spelling is not at 100%.
I put my sister on a TO about 5 months ago and need to know how to proceed about reconnecting or if not to reconnect at all.
First of all, I'm in the US and she's in another country, we see each other usually at Christmas/New year when my FOO comes to visit (dad, mom, sis and/or bro). My FOO might also visit again during the year and I travel back to country of origin for the whole summer. So basically I don't have to deal with her or avoid her unless well we are on the same country.
The reason she was put on a TO was because she insulted me via text message after she was asked not to share and delete my kiddos pictures from debil. I have a horrific past with my XH and my SIS for some reason always ends up being friends with all his girlfriends/wives (he's been married 4 times, I was wife number 1). My mom told me that the current wife of XH befriended my sister on debil and that my sister didn't know what do. I obviously said that she shouldn't accept her because they didn't know each other and how did she know it was her or what her intentions were. Well I found out a few weeks later that not only my sister accepted her facebook request but now they were friends in real life and had long talks about XH, me and my child. WTFF!?!?! So I send her a text message asking her why she was friends with her and she responded like a teenager would (she's 32 and When I she responded like a teenager is because the words she used are only used my teenagers in my country, rude things) I will try to translate as close as I can from Spanish to English:
Me: May I know why you are friends with XHW?
sis: oh, I dunno, she asked to be my friend and I just wanted to check her out
Me: check out what?
Sis: oh nothing just to see who she was or what she was up to, but if it bothers you I can kick her of FB
Me: I cannot tell you who to be friends with or not, but I think is very weird that you are friends with her, considering that she is XHW and the horrible things he did to me and my son
SIS: chill out you totally need to relax, that happened so long ago, not my fault you still traumatized (the words she was using were so hurtful and childish)
Me: it's ok, I just want to ask you to please remove my kids pictures from your FB as I don't want people who I don't know or their intentions to see them (she has over 1200 friends and most of them she's never met in person)
SIS: you don't tell me what to do with the pictures, they're my nieces/nephews and I will not take them down bitch
Me: they're my kids before they are your nieces/nephews and you have no right to do this, if you don't take the pics down then you won't have access to them
Sis: you're really fucked up, you seriously need therapy, you need to get on meds fast. You're hormonal. You're insane. F psycho. At least I go to therapy but you are so fucked up. (I hate writing all this horrible words and I apologize for them but that's how she went on)
I honestly stayed composed and only said things like, that's ok, I'm sorry you feel that way and yes I said once to her to go look at the mirror. What was funny was that she used all these cuss words and she kept saying how f rude I was and that I was being immature and that I should ask before I made accusations (which I did, I asked before and didn't accuse her of anything)and that I was using cuss words with her (which I didn't). Seriously it was ridiculous that she was accusing me of saying the things she was saying. Almost like she didn't even know what she doing. Now let me tell you that she's been in therapy since she was younger because she TRIGGER cuts herself and is always depressed end of TRIGGER. She's very very immature and acts like a 16yo. Lives still with my parents, doesn't work and doesn't even lift a finger at home. She's always throwing this tantrums to get away with things and she's seriously a pain in the ass, even my parents say that. She's never had one serious relationship, but I think is mostly because the way she is, she's absolutely gorgeous and very smart (at school/college) but then very immature. I understand there's some psychological issues going on but it's not my fault or my problem (although she's always reminding me how I called her ugly when she was 2 years old and I was 9, and I honestly don't remember calling her that but still apologized to her a while ago for it). I'm sorry this is so long.
Anyway she was put on a TO, and to be honest I have been very happy not knowing about her daily tantrums (mom and I chat almost everyday) and not thinking about her in general. But Christmas is coming and so FOO will come to visit. I'm afraid that when I say I don't want her here my Mom will flip out and try to either push for me to accept she comes or to not come at all, which honestly it's going to be bad for the kids and me because we really miss my parents. I know that at least my dad will come because he probably doesn't care about leaving my 32 yo sis behind. I guess my question is how do I handle this Christmas and the summer? Honestly I feel like she so negative and toxic that it's not worth trying to fix the relationship. At this moment I'm more like CO her.
