Hi guys, I really need some advise on how to deal with a very overbearing MIL. I know my story is probably not as bad as others have it but I have kept my feelings bottled up too long and need to know how to channel this anger towards them.
DH and I been married for 2 years and we have a 3 mo old DS. The day he was born was the day I started to resent my ILs. They would not leave the hospital and let me and DH have anytime with our son. I just had a c-section. I was tired and recovering and all i wanted to do was hold my baby and get some rest. They. Would. Not. Leave. I resent them for that. I just wanted space. I didn't have the heart to tell them to leave because it's their first grandchild and I knew they were just excited. Looking back on it, I should have spoke up. I got mad DH because he let HIS PARENTS feed our son a bottle for the first time. (I was breastfeeding but had some pumped milk and the lactation consultant told me to feed it to him because he needed to drink more because he wasn't going to the bathroom) and while she was in there giving us instructions she was telling it to HIS PARENTS because they were the ones feeding him. I was so mad. I just sat there stuck in my bed while they fed MY son.
I feel like anytime I am around them I have to feel guilty for holding my son. I work full time so I don't get to spend time with him all that much like I did on my maternity leave. I went back to work around 7 weeks pp. Every time we go visit them or we go to church (we see them about 3 times a week) they take him as if they haven't seen them before in their life. If only one of them is there they will say "I have to send pawpaw (or mawmaw) a picture of you" to make the other one jealous they got to see DS. I realize that is sweet and all but it makes my eyes roll like no tomorrow.. they JUST saw him x amount of days ago! We flew to Florida for TWO DAYS and when we came back they were like "we missed him soooo much" when they were the ones who dropped us off at the airport and picked us up!
Then they have opinions on EVERYTHING and DH wants to follow everything they say. MIL didn't like that I breastfed him for 2.5 months. She texted me a book long message saying I should switch to formula because breastfeeding takes up too much time. She didn't breastfeed her sons so she didn't know what it was like. I was already struggling with it so her saying that was a low blow. DH DOES stick up for my beliefs but I am tired of being his puppet! Why he can't realize things on his own??? For instance, we put our son on formula and he's been eating 6 oz every 2-3 hours. Called his dr and said why is he eating so much? The lady told me on the phone I am over feeding him and to bring him in. All I been hearing the past few months is how badly my son NEEDS rice cereal in his bottles. MIL did it to DH at one month old so she said that my dr is crazy for saying to wait till 6 mos. So I texted my husband yesterday when I got off the phone with he pedi and told him DS had an apt at 10 am the next day (today) and I was wondering if he could take him. He calls me when he gets off work and says my FIL can take him and if that was ok... I said umm.. no? FIL doesn't know the whole story and that one of US has to take him. Right when I get off the phone my MIL texts me and says SHE can take him to the dr. I was like NO WE WILL TAKE HIM. I was just asking my DH if his job would mind, and if they did then I would have brought him which ended up happening. I didn't ask my IL could take him. They don't know all the details and it's not a grandparents thing to take grandkids to the dr!! Like what the hell!? Why do I have to be the bad guy and say no you can't take him!?!? So after his apt MIL texts me asking me how the apt went. I said it went fine and Dr said to not make any changes and that he doesn't need rice cereal. Her response was "I'm glad he's good but that's a shame he won't put him on rice cereal because he will be a more satisfied baby" LIKE ARE YOU SERIOUS? HE'S FINE. HE'S HEALTHY. HE'S HAPPY. That comment was telling me that he is LESS than satisfied. Like the way WE are doing it isn't right. I texted her back saying he's perfectly satisfied but he eats so much because he's sleeping through the night and needs to eat all his oz during the day and then I told her the reasons dr says no rice cereal and she responds back "ok" so I know she's mad at me. I dont give a crap. I bit my tongue for so long. They act like our son is THEIR baby and I am tired of feeling like this. I am tired of DH letting them buy all his gear, food, supplies when we don't ask them for help and what they are doing is just TOO much. Let us parent our child without you breathing down our necks!
Sorry this has got really long. I tried to include everything without going into to much detail and I know I probably sound really petty and stupid when all they wanna do is help us and spend time with their grandchild. BTDT moms probably think I sound silly for not accepting the help but I don't like feeling like I owe them something. I'd rather do things on my own and learn things myself. I take her advise on a LOT of things. I loved my MIL before having DS. We were (and still are) good friends. It's a snowball effect. Every little thing they do adds to the mess and my resentment grows larger and larger.
I need help. Either help to tell them to back off or help to channel my anger so I don't explode. 
Anyone who read all this is freaking amazing and I appreciate ANY advice. Like seriously, tell me I am being ridiculous if I sound like that. Maybe it's me who needs a reality check.
