My MIL problems have gotten crazy and a friend sent me here. I've been lurking for a few days, made an account today, and based on what I'm reading here I think I've messed up big time.
DH and I have had a rocky relationship with MIL from the beginning. She's incapable of acting kind, rational, or normal. Over the years, there's been lots of emotional abuse from her, slandering us to other family members, and her anger toward us when we don't do exactly what she wants, even if she's never told us what she expects. She always had this weird enmeshed relationship with DH (only son), and once he got married the crap all hit the fan. She tested his loyalty all the time and made it impossible for us to please her. We tried restarting lots of times, but she always reverted back to the old nastiness and drama in a matter of weeks.
I never had any direct confrontation with MIL. She would mainly treat my DH like shit in person, at least pretend to act fake nice to me, but usually would treat us both with passive aggressive behavior. If we brought our son over to visit, MIL would make it really clear even without words that she's angry at us. It's always something. We put MIL on indefinite TO the last time she got angry at DH, told him he's not the son she once knew, how disappointed they are that he isn't emotionally closer to the family, etc. It was never an official thing, we just didn't respond to MIL and didn't hear from her again.
That was 18 months ago, and we haven't seen or spoken MIL and FIL since then, despite living 15 minutes way. MIL tells everyone how she's so heartbroken and doesn't understand why she can't have a relationship with DS and us, how we refuse to speak to her..but never once has even called us up to try and talk or work it out or apologize.
ANYWAY, this is why I'm posting. A few weeks ago, MIL started leaving me random nasty voicemails, for the first time since I've known her. (We are used to the nastiness toward DH). She told me that I "better hope that when my DS gets married, he doesn't do to me what we have done to her." MIL said that I didn't like her from the start and that I "enjoy" not having to see ILs and split the time with my FOO. She said if she were really "the problem", then DH wouldn't ignore the rest of the family (which MIL has turned against us with lies and gossip. We don't play their game, and everyone else is afraid of MIL, and that's why we have no relationships there). Here's the real kicker...MIL said that eventually my "DH will wake up and realize that I forced him to give up his family" and that he will then "turn on me."
After lurking here, I think everyone would've said to BH. Instead, I texted MIL back defending myself, JADEing, etc.
You guys - I promise I never had any plan to keep DH from ILs. MIL has pushed us away herself by how she acts, and DH and I have never once had an argument about MIL. He gets sad about the other family he has lost, but he isn't blaming me, at least yet.
What the hell am I supposed to do? I think I'm in shock that MIL has been blaming me all along. Her voicemails almost seem scary and threatening, even though I know she's just angry.
Please help. DH and I are both at a loss.