Created a new account for anonymity because I don't want to get into complex/controversial BG.
Brief BG: My parents have always had impossible expectations of me and have verbally abused me my entire life through teasing, jabs and guilt-trips. They don't approve of my DF and have constantly criticized him and questioned my choice to be with him, but to his face they've always acted like he was part of the family. I enabled it because at the time I was the female, SO version of a DuH and it nearly ruined my relationship with DF a few times. A few months ago after a horrible parental CTJ ambush and a number of serious conversations with DF, he finally opened my eyes to how enmeshed I was with my toxic parents and I began the process of growing a spine. Things have been tough, but since I stumbled across DWIL a few weeks ago reading through the threads and seeing all of the advice has helped a ton.
I've had my dad on TO for about a month now and have my mom on LC, though that will probably transition into a TO soon as well. The thing is, none of this was ever conveyed to them - I sort of just faded off the map after a couple of bitter arguments (as in I stood up for myself and DF and got gaslighted for the hundredth time). I'm hesitant to do a complete CO, but after everything we've gone through I'm certain that the only relationship I'll ever have with them from this point forward is LC at best.
I feel like I should be write them a letter. Not trying to JADE - I've done that far too many times and it's always fallen on deaf ears - but just to let them know that I'm pretty much sick of being treated like a child who doesn't know any better, and that if they want to have any sort of relationship with me they're going to have to respect some major boundaries.
Should I attempt it? Or is it better to just maintain the TO and keep playing ghost? FTR, since the TO began my dad has maintained his own silence and my mom has pretended like everything is normal during the few times we've been in contact. It unnerves me and pisses me off, which I know just means I'm still enmeshed because I'm letting them get under my skin even in their silence/feigned ignorance. Looks like my spine still has quite a ways to go. Ugh.
ETA to fix font size