I would really appreciate some feedback on a situation that happened for me recently. And I almost feel silly making this into an issue after some of the awful MILs I have read about on here, but I'm just wondering if I am being sensitive/over-reacting or if anyone else would be offended.
So, a little backstory:
I know my MIL is not that bad, but she has always been standoffish and unfriendly ever since I met her. I have learned not to take it personally because my DH's two brothers both have long-term girlfriends, and they both complain to me that they think she hates them. I think she is just unfriendly to the women who date her sons! Also, she has tended to make small, passive-aggressive comments toward me over the years. For the most part its been little things, like not liking the color paint I used to repaint my kitchen and criticizing me for not watering the 20 pots of plants the previous home owner left behind in the new house my DH and I purchased. (I told her to please take as many pots as she would like. I have no green thumb nor do I want one! She pretended not to hear me.) One year for christmas my MIL gave her 3 sons each $200 in cash and gave me a $50 gift certificate to pottery barn. Which, I thought it was sweet she gave me a present but it was kind of embarrassing that we all were given our xmas presents at the same time and opened them together. I dont care at all about getting money from my in-laws, but I was already married to her son and it just really made me feel like less than a full member of the family.
Anyway, the gift and those types of remarks aren't a big deal. I obviously remember them, but they never affected my ability to enjoy myself with DH's family and I never complained or even mentioned any of it to anyone, including DH. And I never felt compelled to be anything less than friendly and respectful to MIL.
Cut to now: About 4 weeks ago I found out I am pregnant with our first baby! We took DH's parents out to dinner to tell them our news. Now I love my FIL and have an excellent relationship with him. We always tell jokes and laugh at family get togthers. After our news had been shared and all the usual questions answered, I made a joke to my FIL that now that Im pregnant, DH and I have much cheaper dinner bills because I dont order an fancy cocktails. (I love to go out and have a few drinks with friends. What can I say? Its fun!)
Another tiny bit of BS: DH and I had been TTC since August and this was now June. I was half convinced I couldnt get pregnant and we werent really worrying about not having a few drinks until that test showed positive. I know thats not the best decision I've ever made in my life and believe me I suffered many nights when I first learned I was pregnant, worrying if I could have hurt my baby and googling and crying about it constantly. I told my doctor everything and he told me not to worry and that the chances of me having done anything were basically minimal and that he wasnt worried at all. (I found out I wa pregnant at 5 weeks and I had consumed alcohol 4 times in that 5 week period).
Okay, back to the dinner. So I'm joking with FIL and he asks me how it has been not being able to have a drink and I said "Surprisingly super easy! Like I dont even want one or wish I could have one." Then my MIL chimes in with, "Well, you didnt even know you were pregnant until you were already 5 weeks, so you have no idea what you have done to the baby." And she just has a completely flat expression on her face. I would say cold but actually it was just her normal expressionless face. I felt shocked and embarrassed and angry. DH just sat there silent as a church mouse. However, FIL had the good grace to look embarrassed and exclaim "What? No, no, no, I am sure everything is perfectly fine! Don't... no, no.." and the conversation just sort of floundered around for a minute before FIL and husband began a new topic.
So I know that was just a comment and maybe its harmless and I am just being sensitive because its true, I did have drinks before I found out I was pregnant. But I will just add that MIL doesnt KNOW I had alcohol at all other than one time when her and FIL met DH and I out for happy hour cocktails when I was about 3 weeks pregnant and didnt know it yet.
Now, for some reason I can't let it go. I feel like I strongly dislike her now and I think of her as a BITCH! lol. I am a very assertive person and have no problem standing up for myself and speaking my mind. However, I said nothing in that moment, much to my regret. And while DH agrees that the comment was "a stupid thing to say", he really doesnt want me to say anything about it to MIL. And I dont want him to advocate for me because I dont trust him to properly represent my point of view or enforce for her what she actually said. He has trouble standing up to his parents which has been a source of contention for us in the past.
Sorry for the long post! Thank you for taking the time to read.
