Am I being self centered? DH thinks I am, and I being overwhelmed and confused with little guilt, am seeking advice.
Our kids are 13, 8 and 4. We are expecting a new bundle of joy (twins) in January.
Our 13 yr old has cerebal palsy. Anyone who is familiar with it knows what I am talking about with the struggles, although I do not consider each day with her a struggle. She is our warrior and gives us all new perspective of appreciating life.
Our 8 and 4 yr old sometimes go spend the weekends with my PIL's. Not regularly.
DD has had some set backs from her imrpovements.
This summer that passed, my in laws asked for DD to be part of the weekends with her other siblings. We told them no. We suggested that if they wish to spend time with her too, they do it under our terms by coming to us, and visiting all three grandkids together. We told them that we DO NOT want to create a pattern of letting her stay at relatives freely. Our concern is the care. My in laws say they know how to care for her too, but honestly, they don't.
Pissed at me, my MIL sent the following message to me:
"Just because H is lots of work, does not mean we can't handle her. We have a room downstairs with ramp. It would do good for her wheelchair. The kids do school and swimming on Saturday mornings. We just want to have the afternoon to Sunday morning with them. H can stay home with P ( FIL) and I go for the others. Stop being so self righteous and acting like H is the most precious thing since sliced bread. Other families like yours use help from family, and I am sure you and W (DH) would like a weekend on your own for relaxation. When the twins get here, you are going to need major fucking help because two extra mouths to feed while dealing with three other kids, and one being differently abled, is not going to be easy. So at least have compassion and let us learn things and help you with H."
I sent her a message back.
. Based of my message to her, she showed it to DH who thought I went overboard. He thought his mom was out of line with her message too, but that mine was wrong. He thinks we should find common ground to it and open the door to allowing them to help in looking after DD.
Am I being self centered?