I was told to come to this website due to my views on modern family dynamics when discussing my story with others on another forum. They thought I was too harsh and that DH's faaaaammilyyyy had meant well. When I first started lurking, I honestly thought this board would be full of what you call “unicorns”. But to my surprise, its the exact opposite and I love it!
So my story: This was set 4 years in the past. DH and I were both active duty Marines, together 3 years from senior year of hifgh school, and two years into service. We eloped, typical cries from DH's mother about how it wasn't faaaiirrrr we didn't get a wedding. She then offered a family party to celebrate, we turned it down. Flash forward to Fourth of July/Trip home to see Dhs parents. We arrive at the house and SUPRISE an unwanted party celebrating our elopement. DH and I immediately leave and go to the bar with some of high school friends. He is ALWAYS good about following my lead and puts my wants first. We have never had any problems with that.
Now that was just to set the time and how our little relationship with MIL works. On to the fun part. DH and I decided about a year after getting married, we wanted to buy a home at our next duty station, which just so happens to be DH's home town! We found a house we were completely in love with. Put in an offer, and everything was good(or so we thought). Turns out someone else had put in an offer for the home. SO we had the option to rebuttle, or drop it and keep looking. Well myself, being the stubborn woman I am, tells Dhs lets counteroffer and go higher than the other offer. So we go back and forth three times before giving up, because now the other offer is higher than we can get a loan.
Flash-forward about two months, we found another house and closed on it without any problems. We get to DH's hometown to visit and close. After our closing we stop at the in laws, and another surprise party! This time it was “CONGRATS ON THE NEW HOME!”... and this is where DH and I get confused. We had no idea how they know we had just closed on a house... But that wasn't the case. Remember that first perfect house that we had a bidding war on earlier? The other bidding party was MIL and FIL. DH had mentioned the house to FIL when we were looking and had let slip some financial information and that we were making an offer for THIS much(yes I know fail on his part, but it really was the only time its ever happened). They put in offers on the house, because Ils thought they could get a better deal and knew how to handle a mortgage better than DH.. They were expectiing us to live in the house we could of gotten on our own, but in THEIR name, so that they could control the financial aspect and do whatever they wanted (Before you ask, no grandchildren at the time so the would just be spending time with two very busy adults).
Red flags shot up and thats when I realized alll the controlling aspects. They were the ones always booking our plane tickets, picking what holidays we spent with them, just the little things that added up.
Ladies and gentlemen they went so far as to outbid us on a house by $55,000 over the asking price in order to prove a point. We immediately left and haven't looked back or really talked about it between the two of us since
No it wasn't rugswept, we haven't had contact with the InLaws since that day a few years ago. Many people have said we made our point and “need to get back in line” but I feel like there is no coming back from that. They knew we were the other bidders, and they just kept going.
Of course my husband misses his parents and loves them no matter what. But I got a complete CO, and a beautiful fixer upper house that we just finished making ours this year, and a beautiful 3 month old son. The in laws got 2 mortgages, public humiliation follwed my the sympathetic attention they wanted, and an extreme case of butthurt because they will never meet their grandson.
So tell me is that too harsh? What would you of done? We will be going to the next duty station in a year, DH has gotten out of the military, and I am pulling for the 20 year career. If you were in our shoes what would you do? I refuse to waiver, but a little unicorn is on DH's shoulder telling him to at least let them say goodbye to us when we move. But I feel if you give an inch, they'll take a mile.